I tell them about the way you laugh
when you're being tickled–with you chin
tucked in and to the left.
They have no idea that my tricuspid
stalled out the second your fingers danced
up my right leg by the water.
You renamed my aorta home
when you whispered your secrets
into my ear and the damnedest thing happened:

you spoke as if you weren't a
miracle in disguise.

I told her marriage was an institution.
She went mental.
I consoled myself with shooting the tortoise.
It was for the best.
There was no way it would win the greyhound derby.
She was beyond reason.
I was bringing it out of its shell.
I sort of laughed uncontrollably.
She didn’t.
She actually was trying to bring it out of its shell.
I suggested mad passionate love.
She wanted chocolates.
How about a toffee crisp and a fumble.
How about you dropping dead.
Who would pick up your pills if I dropped dead.
I would pick up my own pills.
What, you don’t know what day of the week it was last Thursday.
I was in love last Thursday.
Not with me.
No, with the pet shop owner
You do know he’s married.
He was leaving her for me.
He’s married to a bloke.
They’re both leaving their wives for me.
Is this about the tortoise.
What tortoise.
Never mind, let's get married.
Just now.
Yes, we can get married in the chemist shop
Somehow that makes sense.
What about children.
You could get them at the supermarket.
Three for two.
They hide them behind the screens now.
Children.
No silly, the alcohol I think.
They don’t hide the chocolates.
Did you really shoot the tortoise.
Yes, but the bullet bounced off its shell.
That’s good.
Not really, the pet shop owner was holding it.

OK. OK.
I admit. I was
a little scared at first.
Can you blame me?
I've been through
5, count that, 5 bad
relationships; it's like
every finger on my hand
is just another bad acid trip.

I don't want to lose myself
in another. My identity
means a lot to me. A first,
middle, and last name.
My very own pet
DNA.

These things, I cling to.

You understand,
don't you? If I seem
a little distant.
My head is in the clouds
while you're knee deep
in conversation.

But you're in my dreams now
and I no longer feel alone as I once did.

I don't feel like my solitude
has been compromised. Or
that you get in the way
of my crossed eyes.

There's still a little fear
that rumbles, and tumbles
around like ***** laundry.

But it's getting better,
or I assume as much.

I don't have anything to go
on but my word.

Please,--

Take it with
a mound of salt.

Lumps appear under my skin
wishing them away doesn’t work
some look like mulberries
There are ones with greenish hues
others blue-black, juicy and ripe
these are the ones I want to bite into

I remember that great mulberry tree of our youth
down by the creek
We climbed that tree and sat for hours
on hot July and August afternoons
devouring juicy dark purple fruit

Our mother’s called as the ballgame dispersed
and we pretended to be nowhere in sight
or within ear shot
We knew the way home

And as we stared at each other’s stained
magenta toothy snickers
faces, hands, tee shirts
even ears and grimy hair
We made a pact
to eat our way to the tippy-top
of that delicious, decadent arbor

I’m home, again
noticing that mulberry tree no longer exists
but I see you at times
and you kindly wave to me
upon passing
I know there’s no need to wait around
till July or August
as I don’t expect our summer dares
mulberry gushing ecstasy
will ever be again

O to be the fertile compost
down by that creek
where a mulberry tree might grow
Again