It's raining today.
Fat globs of water pouring from the sky.
The tears of the clouds.
Pouring down upon us to wash away the sins of yesterday.
The clouds block out the sun.
Leaving the world cold and gray.
It's raining today.
The soft pitter patter of rain on the roof,
Making eyes droop,
And thoughts smudge.
Everything is slow today.
The rain is slowing down time.
It's raining today.
And the world has never been more calm.
It's raining today.

They say that I am suicidal.
I am not.
I do not dream of jumping off of bridges,
Or downing bottles of pills.
My thoughts are not clouded with ways to end it all.
I do not try to hang myself,
Or cut slits into my skin.
But if a car were to hit me,
I wouldn't mind.
Or maybe if a shooter barges in,
I wouldn't mind if he shot me first.
I do not crave death as if it were a drug.
I do not plan ways to end myself.
But if something,
Or someone,
Were to end it for me
Well...
I wouldn't mind.

Your thoughts go blank
Nothing seems right
Nothing is good enough
Or it doesn't make sense put together
You want to write
To spill your guts out onto paper
But you don't have the words to make it happen
I have writers block.

A burning heat in the pit of my stomach.
It fills my entire being.
My eyes narrow down.
My tongue becomes that of a snake.
Pure rage.
I am suddenly a fire.
Burning everything around me.
Leaving behind burns and scars.
I am angry.
Best to stay away.
I am a fire.
I am a ball of pure rage.
I am angry.

My mood flips.
Switches.
Changes.
It never stops.
It's like a roller coaster.
I'm on top of the world.
Then suddenly I am plumitting.
Crashing down.
Sometimes i'm higher than i've ever been
And sometimes i'm so low I can't get out of bed.
Bipolar is what they say.
I can't make it stop.
I'm happy.
I'm sad.
I'm angry.
I'm numb.
I'm everything all at once.
It's so much.
But for me it's normal.
They don't understand.
I don't want to change.
I don't want their ******* medications.
I don't want to be forever numb.
Shut off from my emotions.
I want to be me.
And this is who I am.
Bipolar,
Is what they say.
I say,
This is me.

I'm so sorry
That I was never good enough for you
I tried my hardest
To be the person you wanted me to be
I never wanted to hurt you
But I guess we're even now
I hurt you
You hurt me
I'm so sorry
That I could never make you happy
That I could never do the things you wanted
I'm so sorry
For never being enough for you
For being flawed
Filled with imperfection
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry
Please don't go...

There is a voice in my head.
He screams
"Let them out! Let them out!"
And I can't help but ask
"Who?"
"Them!"
He screams
He yells
So loud I can't think
I can't sleep
I can't focus
So I give up
I stop fighting him
I let them out.
I wish I never had.
Now there is a soft whisper
"You'll be sorry you let them out"