cheap motel beds
& champagne out of paper cups
red lipstick girls
wonder what it's like
to be in love

& some nights I can't bear the silence
clamoring to fill the void
with any sort of noise
because my thoughts torment me like nothing else
that is, besides you.

I fell in love with a broken man
thought I could put him back together again,
but instead he made me broken too
that's the last time I entrust my heart to you.
everyone makes mistakes sometimes

but I never thought you'd be mine.

I cry,
my heart tightening together,
feeling all lonely and empty.
Screaming your name,
calling for you,
but you won't come back for me.
Knowing that you never will,
I cry in agony,
Tears gushing down my wet cheeks,
Making my face glisten.
My lungs gasping for air,
My chest rising and falling rapidly.

I miss you.

time is supposed to heal,

i guess enough hasn't passed yet.



i still remember the warmth of your hand

but now they've gone cold

i remember the color of the sky

reflecting off of your young eyes

but now they've gone old



weather changes mood

and where there was once color in the sky

has now turned to grey because

you reflect the sky

but the sky reflects you back

your neon shirts splashing orange and yellow

are nowhere to be seen

and the sun has the dullness

of three million bulbs in series.



bulbs...

     series...



remember electronics?

we learned about creating connections together.

we learned how to make sparks

and how to create songs

each note was essential

for creating the best melody.

we learned what it meant to be a closed circuit,

a close family.



but now the bulbs have shattered.

the cracked glass pierces my skin, and the blood,

the blood is dripping,

ringlets staining my shirt

the way your soul stained mine.



and i find it funny

how you can change so easily

how i feel,

how i act,

because you are my weather

leading me through the days.

and i used to feel so selfish

because whenever it would rain,

i kind of liked it

because i was no longer crying alone.



but now it's constant.

again it's raining,

the sky is fading,

the clouds are huddling,

my mind is muddling,

there's blurs of puddles.

holding memories i want to let go.



let go,

let me go,

let this end,

let        me

f   o   r   g   e   t .



the eyes are the windows to the soul,

and when i look in to your windows i see



n o t h i n g.



because your eyes are not you

and your clothes are not you

and your smile is not you

and you, just you, are not who you are



and i miss you.



time is supposed to heal

but i guess it wasn't enough for you.

when i was younger,
i was afraid to step in quicksand.
jumping from cushion to cushion,
don't fall off the cliff!

when i was younger,
i was afraid to sleep without light.
covers folded under my feet
don't let the munsters get at me!

when i was younger,
i was afraid the day was too short.
indignantly holding onto my book
but mom, this is the good part!

but now?

i am clinging onto the cliff,
aching to let go.

i am surrounded by my monsters,
they're my only friends.

i am sure good parts don't exist,
that genre's called fantasy.

they said the biggest fear is death,
**so why am i so unafraid?