Sacred Spaces,
where we met
Anxiety in places
that i left.
I am no longer afraid
of the emptiness.

Building altars
just to burn them all down
looking for a sign of divine intervention,
consume and surround
and I’d offer any sacrifice
except for Myself...
maybe i’m still learning
how to love and be loved
With this heart of stone,
These fragile lungs
Cannot survive on air alone.

Different faces
stare back from the ones I should know
I am aimless
I wander into your life with the full intent to go
I am a ghost
in this life I once knew.
I fill myself with others
and purge my head of you.

no one can sleep on a broken heart,
the pieces will pop your lungs
and flood your chest with regret.
no one stays up just to watch the stars,
they stay up to find themselves in the sky
(self centered *******, every one).
maybe i’m just too good at being bad,
But good is hard to find and far away
bad at love and here to stay.

Door slamming shut on us, my love
it’s time for bed I think and
Oh, my love, I’ve grown so cold to you
I’m sorry you broke my heart again.

We were driving in your car last night
the air it wasn’t right between us
Oh, I took a photograph of you
My love, in that light, in that light
things just seemed alright.
Time is running out I fear
this lullaby I wrote for you
to fall asleep to
is winding down, it seems unfair.

Oh, my love I’ve grown accustomed to
the light of loving you
and Oh, my love I think my heart’s in two
but I know I’d still give both pieces to you.

Smoke it fills my lungs with black and dust
I just close my eyes and trust
Because if you held the matches,
I would still  believe I set myself on fire.

Oh, my love I died again last night
it all caved in and while I cried
you came inside, you made it alright, alright alright.
And Oh my love, if you hurt me everytime
I’d run right back, rewrite each line
Because my love I love you so
Even when my heart has broke.

Every war i’ve fought,
entirely in my head.
If you had asked me 3 years ago,
By now i thought I would be dead.

My stomach fought me to shrink
through starvation and humiliation,
I only cried out
in a warrior’s retaliation.
My body kept on going
when my brain had given up
and the desperation spread to my skin
in the form of bruises and cuts.
Sleep stopped it’s spell,
replaced by my fears in the night
where they held me in their blankets,
yet I still screamed out for a fight.
Memories of years that passed
pretending they had power,
still I know they will fade away,
new ones taking their place each hour.
There are battles that take place,
they are part of me
and I have come back different,
I’ve accepted I am complete.

It’s the moment before
that last drop of rain
that you never thought you’d live to see come down.
It’s the feeling before
your whole life rearranged
when you didn’t even recognize the change.
When suddenly you have become strange
and at a loss for words
even when the script is open to your cue.
Every time there is a place
where you would rather be
and your sunset smile has turned flimsy
on your paper face.
The one’s you love
have worn you like a glove
now tossed aside and astride the thoughts
that by god this isn’t the life you wanted.
It’s only a feeling of course
you whisper as you realize
all your eternal sparkled summers had an end.
It’s a feeling you’re sure
the feeling of a string
separated from thoughts,
Lost.
This is the feeling of unravelling.

In that moment
a thousand poems fill my lips
Suddenly
I am too shy to speak;
Blue eyes and sunshine have become
the only words I could ever need.
I have come to know
The earth is not a cold, dead thing,
I no longer want to be afraid.
I get the sense that I forgot,
somewhere in between bruising
what beauty is truly built from.
Built from scarring skin,
reminding me constantly;
Love is not a weapon
Love is not hurt
Love is not to use against,
or harm,
or wreckage
but Love is a choice.
Every day,
To forgo the safety of feeling just okay,
step onto the edge of emotions
with a hand on your back
and trust that They will be steady,
They will be kind,
They will stay.

i opened my lungs
to inhale the solstice
as i slipped into my summer skin,
full of freckles and bruises
and a sadness that always rises with the new summer sun.
my smile turned upwards
like the now cloudless sky
sunburned feet move with quiet life and I,
I try to fit in
with my new summer skin
thoroughly unconvinced
it will fit until Autumn comes again.