“Quiet” he says, its easier when I’m quiet,
But how can I be quiet when he’s stabbing at me.
“Breathe” he says, its easier when I breathe,
But how can I breathe with a hand gripping my neck.
“Smile” he says, its easier when I smile,
But how can I smile when he’s shattering my innocence.
“Moan” he says, its easier when I moan,
But how can I moan when my whole body is screaming in pain.
“Beg” he says, its easier when I beg,
But how can I beg when I want his hands off my body.
“Cry” he says, its easier when I cry,
But how can I cry when I know that’s what he enjoys.

You saw me naked.
Not without clothes, but without my wall.
The 10 foot, steel reinforced, wall around my heart.
You broke in, brick by brick.
And I let you, I let you see me vulnerable.
Forgetting what others had done to me when they saw me the same.
I wish I could say you were different.
But, you saw me naked.
And you laughed, pointed out my insecurities, and broke me so much that I rebuilt my wall.
I rebuilt it higher and stronger than before.
Protecting my heart from so called love.
You also saw me without clothes.
Burned your touch into my skin.
Whispered sweet nothings into my ear, and that's just what they meant.
Nothing.
I can't look at my body without thinking about you.
Because, you saw me naked.
Defenseless and with open arms.
I shouldn't have trusted you.
But I did anyway.
I thought that since you had a wall to we would be amazing together.
But.
I never saw you naked.

The waves have settled and the water is still.

Clear skies,
there are
no storms here.

There is always an emptiness before I drown again.

The victim mentality.
Whether it be based on your natural ways,
Or through pressure.
Evict yourself from it.

Whether its based on immaturity,
Or whose root cause is deep insecurity.
Push through it.
Achieve success.
Make amends.

Never offer forgiveness where its not warranted.
But be weary.
If you burn bridges,
The foundation might be intact,
But you would have to rebuild.

Can you handle it?

i try not to blame her
she makes you happy
and if you deserve anything
it is to be happy but
every time i see your eyes light up at her
brighter than they ever did at me
there’s a pang of aching jealousy that
hits me and my stomach drops to the floor
i wish i could be her
i wish i had her long blond hair,
perfectly shaped lips and thin hips
i wish i could’ve made you as happy as
she makes you.

soon i’ll be gone from your memory
i’d like to say the same for you of mine but
i know the thought of you kissing her will be
enough to keep me up at night for weeks

it’s not her fault, it’s not her fault, it’s not her fault
(is it mine?)