So many paths I could have taken
So many places I could have gone
and I continue to sit here on this couch
in this insignificant town.

"Those will **** you, you know."
They say to me as
I take a long drag from my cigarette.
I can't help but chuckle at their naivety.
"That's the whole point."
I respond as I exhale the smoke.
The cloud of leaves my mouth
And quickly drifts away,
Just like the rest of my life will.

I want to thank you.
Thank you for all the bruises
and the black eyes,
and the ****** noses.
If they wouldn't have happened, I would not be where I am today.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it was me that got me where I am today.
Because that would be a lie.
It was all you.
You were the person who made me who I am.
You molded me.
You shaped me.
You damaged me.
You broke me.
You ruined my life.
Rot in hell you *******.

I’m sorry I wasn’t the homecoming queen.
I’m sorry I wasn’t the star basketball player.
I’m sorry I wasn’t captain of the football team.
I’m sorry I wasn’t head cheerleader.
I’m sorry I wasn't an honors student.
I’m sorry I wasn't the most popular kid in school.
I’m sorry I’m not pretty.
I’m sorry I’m not skinny.
I’m sorry I’m depressed.
I’m sorry I’m complicated.
I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you.
I’m sorry I’m a waste of time.
I’m sorry I’m a disappointment.
I’m sorry I’m me.
*…but I’m even more sorry that I’m alive.

We are polar opposites.

I cannot be who you want me to be.
I cannot give you what you want.

I don't even know who I am.

You keep pushing,

And at some point I am going to fall off the cliff.

I will end up taking you down with me.

I am a ticking time bomb.

*I will ruin you.

I have this fear that you will discover that I’m not as great.
I am strong, but I break.

All the women walk down the street,
All beautiful and petite.

I look down the street to stumble upon long slender legs and dainty feet,
Only to realize it is because she does not eat.

I see a distorted image constructed by society’s idea of beauty,
And I am no longer aware of my duty.

People are always trying to define you,
That is what makes us all so blue.

I will never be good enough,
Which makes life so much more rough.

All I do is cry,
But my tears are running dry.

I sit here with a blade to my arm,
It has gotten so bad I turned to self harm.

I will never be good enough for you.
And with that I bid you adieu.

As I close my eyes,
The room fills with my cries.

Society is eating me alive.
When did this depression arrive?

All I want to do is heal.
But nothing here is real.

Here’s to society for making me hate myself.
You can place your trophies up on your shelf.

You injected your poison into my mind.
Heaven forbid you be the least bit kind.

This is the real world, no glass shoe.
Do not fall into the hole and let society define you.

I'm not quite sure what to say,
because you were the one who walked away.
I gave you everything and you left me with nothing.
You left me as nothing.
I sit here in pieces on my floor,
wishing that I could have been something more.
But I couldn't be.
And that is something that can only be put on me.