You cracked my code,
spun my dial &
left me broken,
shattered me,
into a million
tiny pieces.

Why persecute me, I've done nothing to you;
Does it help you to think I feel fear?
I'm desperate, crippled and begging for mercy,
Somehow this pleasures your ear?

The humor in this are the misguided thoughts
As the platinum sun glares the way.
The only solution is beyond the horizon
Which inspires me with little to say.

It's impossible for you to comprehend, a person's refusal to fight.
The battle for faith has it's own battlefield
And time will uncover who's right.

Somehow
Sometime
Somewhere along the way
Our relationship became sterile
And clinical
Formal and uncomfortable
I miss how we shared anything and everything
But now we hesitate to speak
Think twice before we type
And I wish I could pinpoint 
The exact moment when it all changed
I wish I had something to blame
Maybe it was time
Or it could have been distance
Perhaps it was another influence
The words seem forced and polite
From both our sides
One word answers
The conversation is over in minutes
We don't hold the same interests
I wish I could say what went wrong
Although I'm not sure even I understand
Maybe it nothing
But it feels like everything
Maybe it's the end of the road
And the rides over
It's time to get off and let go
Exit in single file along the yellow line
It's quite weird that I feel fine
No dizziness or sobbing
I see it's quite a mutual feeling
So farewell dear friend of mine
Lets part ways in convenience
Where staying together makes no sense
Let sweet things end on a bittersweet note
Yet sweet all the same

white stocking feet, black bow
askew. lips ruby red, she waited
for you to come. she leads you
by the hand, etches her name
into your heart with the
razor of which she's grown
so fond. she smiles
with those garnet lips, the ones
that match her arms and the gentle
drips that slide down your chest.
she moves in with her hips,
those hips that beg
to be touched, and you look her in
the eye. her mouth opens,
tongues collide, but then she pulls
away, whispers in your ear
"you don't know
who you're dealing with" and slips
away, a thief in the
night, a starry-eyed
temptress, a
white stocking devil

Today my mother asked me if I was depressed. She proceeded to explain to me that she was worried because I never left my room and I just looked sad all the time. As she was explaining to me her reasoning, I thought about the way I've been feeling. How it felt as if everyday I was walking on quicksand. How it was getting harder and harder for me not to cry. How I would be constantly fighting an internal battle.
"Stay in bed, darling. Stay in bed."
"No I can't I have school today"
"Don't eat that. You're not worthy enough to eat"
"But I'm hungry I haven't eaten in 6 hours"
"Don't call your friends they don't care and they all hate you anyways"
"But I'm lonely"
I am constantly screaming at myself.
I am constantly fighting a battle that I feel hopeless in.
It's getting harder and harder to breathe everyday and it *****.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Pretending has become a habit of mine.
I don't enjoy lying to myself and others.
Every once in a while I tend to break into my parents liquor drawer because I like the feeling I get when I sip *****.
It makes me feel light and airy, and for just a couple of hours, it makes me forget how much I hate myself.
I don't feel time passing by anymore.
I don't know the difference between night and day because everything is just a big blur.
I've lost all feelings and emotions except sadness.
"Are you depressed?" My mother asks me.
"No."

*(b.c.)