wear the same perfume
every day. make sure that
it's in all of the stores, and
that perfume ladies use it
in the door ways at the mall.
make sure that
his pillow will smell like you
long after you're gone.
hold his pinky finger
instead of his whole hand
and then, whenever
someone makes him a promise,
he'll remember your palm
on the smallest part of him.
make sure to tell him your favorite
movies, and books and songs, too.
so that every time he goes
to the store, or reads, or turns on the radio...
he'll hear you whispering in his ear.
when you go (and you will),
leave without a trace
and keep him wondering
because without an ending,
a story lasts forever.
so was our touch half as sacred as i made it seem,
or just another fabrication of a half-dream?*
-- The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit, La Dispute
i miss you. the way you looked at me
so tenderly, when all i could
do was slam against you
and life. i've been known to make things
up in my head, to make them mean more
than they do in reality.
but i swear this was real.
it was a pounding in my
chest, it was a razor on my
wrist. now it's words i never said,
but wished i could.
i miss you like a thorn
in my side that held me
together, moment to moment,
heartbeat to heartbeat.
i just miss you.
you loved me, i loved you,
and then i didn't.
2. crushed me with words and
eyes that could see everything.
3. fickle-minded fairies should not
be trusted; that was your mistake.
4. i was your manic pixie dream--
time to wake up.
5. you aren't worth ten words.
there isn't one
and there never
pick up your snapback on your
way out, and use your cheap ***
compliments on the next girl. you played
your game but i played it
better. you asked me to make you
a sandwich, so i gave you
the finger. all you said was
when and where, so i’ll show you
the door. since you're not worth
the bedroom, especially when
i already have a jackhammer.
i raised my hands in defeat
and tried to keep you
away from me, but it never worked.
i lost days trying to
convince you that i was yours
but you couldn't see me
through eyes clouded over
with smoke. without you
life lost its luster and
it’s never quite gotten it back
but at least life without you
means that i can wear my
face a little less black and blue.
but i would have worn
the bruises forever
if it meant you
would touch me.
people shouldn’t behave like that.
and you took advantage of the way
i lost my mind whenever you said
my name. but i know better
now. life lost its luster but
you’ve lost your power
over me. i saw you once or twice...
but i’m better now, okay?
bruises clear and i’m not going
through this anymore.
touch me again,
i’ll cut your head off
i went with them
on cigarette breaks, and they watched
me shiver in an outfit
not exactly appropriate
for fall. i saw them looking
before i chose to look at the stars
instead. there were rusted swings
and all i could do was move
back and forth. they whispered
to each other and i knew
what they were saying and i knew that
they told you i was there and how
austin kept staring
and how pj tried to get me
how matt and chad and i were kindred
for a night. how i couldn’t bear
to erase the texts, not yet. it was midnight
before we even started walking
chad was the one who suggested it,
and i followed.
matt did, too, and carol
came because i am small and she wasn’t
about to let me go
alone. so we walked.
chad and i were in front
and we found a common ground
that i don’t think we’ll ever find
again. matt trailed behind, but I knew he heard
every word. i wondered if they thought
i would **** myself if they left me
like you did. matt stayed with me
while the others walked a different way
later i was truly alone
until chad came to find me. my face was wet
but he pretended not to see. we ran
back. i was breathless,
but i couldn't stop. it was 3am
and the beer was gone
but i knew just what i needed so
i sat in the bath tub eating toast
the next day i had to go
home. but i swore i’d always remember
there was one good time