sometimes,
i like to dance
with the devil
burning eyes upon me
in hypnotic dazzle
my toes easily
sweep away inhibitions
quieting my angelic
voice's suspicions
as whispered words
brush thine ear
my entranced ego
has no fear
endangering
as it may be
our bodies entanglement
appears free
with soaring thoughts
of ecstasy
we ebb and flow
in ****** mystery
seduced in music
playing rhythmically
ecstatically,
i dance willingly

Rusty steel mesh barricade covered in faded yellow paint,
Great metallic rumbling & click-click-click-click of the train behind us,
Then
The world is still -
      A near-silent buzz fills the air,
Over the railing, the trickle of a dying river runs down the step,
The violet bushes overgrow the banks,
Great trees, thin & leaning
Reach from the waters &
Drip with the dead pears, black sleeping bodies of bats -

As the sun dips to sleep in the furry trees beyond,
Wings rustle,
Orange furry scarves appear &
Chattery cries echo off the water,
Loud & steady beats of leathery black wings erupt
Snouts calling, laughing, shadows taking off into the dimming sky.

Deep & Growling,
Softly,
Taking steps that
Start to accelerate -
A tiptoe starts to become a sprint,
Through grass & dark overhanging branches,
desperation fills the lungs & red water,
Until a stone, something low turns a
Steady foot ******,
And sprint turns into
dead
halt

Twisting, twirling,
green, brown and grey -
light filters through a world created by
strangled symphonies, wars
recreated
On a stage in front of the arena,
lurking in the rafters, we are forbidden to watch
as twisting, steel frames roll
In a showcase of
"bravery".
White gowns cloak angelic golden chords,
The heat rises,
soldiers climb silk structures,
fleeing the beautiful horror below them.
We sit in darkness & observe the
Green light enveloping these
Incredible & untethered artists,
Flowers forming and breaking and shattering,
Scattering,
Everything so bright,
So bright,
and though each of us is only following
& though we have seen this now four times over,
We still donate each,
our tiny golden strings
To support those
suspended in great cages,
each knowing how this will continue &
having to pretend they do not -
Green & Brown & Grey
Light twisting, dappled & distorted
As it reveals a scene -
A war, turned into a twirling dance

A fear begins to take hold,
Uncertainty,
As the surrounding crowd
Settles into their places,
Unaware of the transfixing magic
they will soon see -
Thousands of golden strings
Twist together,
We prepare in
Near-silence,
And then we raise them -
A string on its own, weak,
But with one hand each,
One torch, one voice,
Across the thousands of us,
Suspends the observers below.

This is not flying -
This beauty I should have known.
I have never flown.

I never flew.
I fell.

This ocean you describe, I once knew,
Supposed happiness and love
enveloping emotions...

No.

I was drowning,
I never learned to swim,
I buried myself
in the ocean floor
& convinced myself it was happiness.

The saltwater
filled my lungs,
so when the ocean finally left me I froze alone
on the rocks

I have not flown.
I did not swim.
I have fallen,
I have drowned.

you're my best friend
like a sister or brother

you're an undercover angel, so precious
you make life worth living, so stop wishing you were given death in its hands

we're still at the very beginning, existing
killing the past, fixing the future

do not fade out this perfect picture
i love you too much to break this sculpture

i want to sleep, but i can't
i want to talk, but i can't

and as i have anxiety, i suffer quietly and write in my diary as tears fall down my face

i'm not tired
i'm still awake

my mind is racing, just give me a brake
my head aches
i'm going insane
its a sunday at 3am, come join me

i really want to sleep, but i can't
why, i don't know why

i see the monster on the side of my bed, and as it enters my head it says, "do you want to be dead instead?"

why
why now