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Plum ripe from windowpane
Meets enamel

Two drops
Blood-red juice

New shirt
Baptized
I'm just that pawn, you never noticed.
“you’re so mature for your age”
i was 8
i don’t think i should be mature at 8
i shouldn’t even know what “mature” means
i should’ve been a kid but he robbed me

“YOU NEED TO ACT YOUR AGE”
i am!! i finally am!!!
i’m 14 and messed up completely
this is what it’s like now to be a teen

“act like an adult”
yet i’m treated like a child
no wonder you think im wild

your calling me crazed?
babe im freaking insane!!
i’m 16 and everytime that you call
i bang my head against the wall
i wanna KICK,
SCREAM,
and CRY!!
but that’s not how i should behave
it’s not how i was raised
because im “so mature for my age”
I am

I am so afraid that
My life feels stuck

The same routine
The same habits

Wake up
Go to work
Home
Sleep
Repeat

I find myself living
for the weekend
Ignoring the time between
Wishing away my days

It's hard to escape
This grind society
has plagued us with

We have to work to live
But there's hardly any
Life to live after work

Wake up
Go to work
Home
Sleep
Repeat

I am

I am stuck in this
Endless loop of time
Slipping away

wishing away my days

Living for the weekend.
How do I end this loop?
Sometimes a "hello"
can be the beginning
of another 3 years of therapy
so I don't reply.
half of my friends are in middle school
i wonder if im breaking a rule
16 with besties that are barely teens
but trust me
i have good reasoning
i never got to be 13
my memory is blocked
my brains way of erasing trauma
i’m living through these middle schoolers
trying to fill the gap
helping them make memories
i’ll never even have
i just want to make sure
that they don’t break like me
that they look back and feel happy about who they were
and not what they had to grow from
I hibernate like a bear, but not from winter, from the world.
Single, stained, steel wall,
It holds me here,
Alone.
Only time seems to crawl,
As the air itself has died.


There is a knock at the door,
I will not answer.
Alone,
Red seeping into the floor,
I silently long to be free.


The door shakes,
I cannot answer.
Alone,
My heart aches,
To be free of this cage.


I hear it now,
The footsteps, the voice.
"Alone",
It whispers, mouth against my brow,
"That is how it always will be".


Someone stands over me, the door wide open.
I cannot do this,
Alone.
Though the door they have broken,
I now might be free.


The world starts to fade,
But I know now I am not
Alone.
The mind I thought was made,
Seems to shatter.


"Please don’t leave me,
I can't live without you,
Alone."
Their words set broken hope free,
But the scythe had claimed my soul
For them not taken sudden
By malfunction
Or malice
There seems to be
Some sort of acceptance
For most
Upon the approaches
As the world
Narrows down
From
What we call solid
To that we don't know
To nothing
Or back to
Some host.
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