For three years
3 ******* years
It was
I love you
You're mine
Someday
You're the best part of my life
You're the best I've ever had
Mine
Mine 
Mine.

In one week
It became
I can't be that guy
I'm sorry
Silence
Silence
Silence
I'm sorry.

And in so many ways that's fair…

But I still feel used

I feel like I was lied to

Like once again I was temporary to someone I saw as permanent

I guess I always knew this would end in tragedy
I figured it would be because of you
I was ready to go all in
Despite the distance I always tried to keep
I was ready
I mean why not?

It's been…
3 ******* years 
Of the same thing 
Every day

You told me once you needed me
And I refused to ever let myself need you.
But here we are
And I should have known

You would be the muse
And the death of my hope.
Go **** yourself.

He tells me I'm his sunflower.
And he's always liked roses,
but he'd walk through a field of thorns just to find me.

Sunset is my favorite color.
When the sun paints the sky
with its most vibrant hues
as if to illustrate the divinity
of its love for the moon.
And isn't it funny that
Sunset always makes me think of you.

Flint cracks and flame errupts.
Crisp green turns to charred black.
Each inhale
pulls clouded plumes into my lungs.
The taste rolls along my tongue.
In fragrant wisps
my anxiety melts.
Burning bad days,
caressing the pain away.
Glazed and glossy eyes
see the silver lining through the haze.

The middle of the night
allows a loose tongue.

And to the light,
my darkness was shone.

For each painful step
you held on.

Thank you for showing me
I'm worthy of being loved.

It's getting bad again.
That, Summer time
restless melancholy *******.
That, I want to crawl out of my skin,
drive into forever sunsets,
need my music so loud my ears ring.
That, frustrated with the mundane,
trying to stir up chaos,
wanting to be anywhere else
wanting to be anyone else.
That, feeling that suffocates me,
keeps me up at night
staring at stars,
at the clouded night sky,
staring into streetlights
until tears burn my eyes.
It's getting bad again
and I can't ******* stand it.

I used to be well.

Medicate to sleep at night,
don’t worry my name is on the bottle.
Caffeinate to face the day,
procrastinate everything.

Beyond the corner where my Zoom calls take place
my apartment is a disaster.
Let’s not discuss how garbage will sometimes sit at my back door
in piles of ‘No Contact Delivery’.

I used to be well.

Dining out seems exhausting,
“the movies cost too much.”
Screams the combined 100-dollar bill to sit at home and stream.

I used to be well.

The days run together
Simultaneously faster
and like watching molasses run uphill.

I used to be well.

We'll chase eternity
Spinning together at the center of our galaxy
In awe of the universe
and how despite its vastness
We collided in a supernova
of endless lifetimes
Where we searched the heavens
and searched the Earth
to find the atoms that seamlessly became interwoven
from spending infinite forevers
being side by side.

Wisps of ethereal touch,
sent down a wave length we share.
Slipping between carefully crafted tendrils
of silver spun words in the air.
A shiver slithers down to my core.
You're whips and feathers,
petals and thorns.
Your greatest weapon of all,
is that you leave me wanting more.
The way you leave me gasping
is something of a dream.
The sting of bitten lips,
desire undoing me at the seams.
Melted sugar drips from your tongue,
in sweet temptation of honey laced promises.
And I could drown in how intoxicated you leave me feeling.
Drunk off words that get me high.
A broken cadence of breath as heat unravels inside,
melting candy coated desire
that leaves a slippery trail.
When I ache to be devoured
my anxiety will fail...

You are the sun.
Celestial perfection 
burning with resplendence. 
Filling the room in every space where something doesn't stand in your way.
I cannot look at you directly 
for fear of being blinded by your intensity.
But without you I am off kilter.
I need your warmth,
I need to feel your rays kiss along my skin.
When the darkness sets in,
and grey days become plentiful,
I mourn your absence.
I ache for brightly lit days.
But you cannot hold the sun in your hands,
you cannot make it stay.