Wake me up. Tell me it was just a joke. Tell me that you left only to see my face when you came back. Tell me you still love me, that you missed me. Wake me up from this dream; tell me what you want to do. Crawl under the covers with me and we can hide from the world like we use too. You always did say it was us against the world. But for so long it’s just been me against the world, me against you. I have worked so hard to become independent. Keeping to myself to prevent a man like you coming into my life and breaking my heart all over again.

I do no believe in love at first sight, for love is many things.
I do however believe when you meet someone for the first time you can feel a certain pull towards them.
That unmistakable feeling where your soul is trying to leap out of your body to join with another.
It’s this pull that can potentially create this love between these two people. The best way I can explain the feeling within you is your soul jumping. It’s this quick jolt that tells you all the information you need in one movement. It is almost as to say, this person is important, they will change your life, you need to be with them.
I do not believe in love at first sight.
Love has to be created, earned, and valued. And none of that can be done with a simple glance at someone.
I do, however, believe in soul jumping.
I know this because the second you spoke I felt my soul jump. I had not even seen your face yet and I knew you were the one.
I desperately looked around trying to find the face that fit the voice I just heard.
You spoke again, this time looking over at me.
Is it possible your soul jumped at the sight of me?
It is hard to explain how soul jumping feels, but bare with me.
All at once I felt my feet moving. I was out of control. My lips began to spit out words that I had not myself formed. Someone else was at the wheel of my vessel, controlling my actions.
It’s like the biggest wave of confidence crashed over me. I knew this was a moment I could not miss. The risk was worth it.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always cater to soul jumping. Sometimes your souls bump into each other before it is time for them to join.
This is still the case for us.
It has been years since we first met and we often go long stretches without talking or seeing one another. But every time we do my soul jumps.
It has taken you quite a while to accept that I am the reason for the feeling in your chest. For the longest time, you distracted your mind with other girls, all the while, stringing me along. You played with me and I allowed it.
Finally, you peeked interest. You gave in. And the moment our lips touched I felt my feet could rocket me to the moon.
Your distance crept back in and it took you three months to come back around.
I have never been as patient with someone as I have with you. I don’t beg for your attention or ask to be with you. I know our time will come. My soul has jumped for only one person and it continuously reminds me you are worth waiting for.
The feeling of your soul jumping is the most magical feeling. Love, however, is also very magical. But don’t get them confused. I did not love you at first sight, nor did I love you when I felt my soul jump and my heart skipped a beat. I have learned to be patient with your love and to be forgiving. I have learned that with you love is a process. It won’t happen at first glance.

I miss you. There’s all there is to it.
I miss the way you speak, the low grumble of your voice.
I miss your face, how seethrough you were, how easy it was to read.
I miss your smell, the way your scent would linger even hours after you were gone.
I miss your teeth, your smile, those cute little dimples.
I miss your attention to detail and the sweet little surprises you would leave me.
I miss your phone calls after I would fall asleep, those voicemails where you’d end up talking to yourself or leaving little songs for me to listen to when I woke up.
I miss everything. I miss you, your personality, but mostly I miss us. We fit so well together.
I miss being by your side and the smile it brought to my face.
I haven’t smiled like that since you left.
I miss you. I miss us. I miss being happy.

I think I fell in love with your laugh.
The way your lips curved up ever so slightly, and your eyes creased as your face crinkled up.
The way you look away and glane back just to catch me staring.
Maybe it’s not just your laugh, maybe it’s your smile too and your eyes.
The two planets God planted into those deep sockets, a beautiful concoction of blues and greens.
Your smile is imperfect but I love it all the same.
Your teeth pushing for room like uncivilized kindergarteners forming a line.
Each crease in your skin has a story to tell, and don’t get me started about your scars.
Their very existence proves to me how strong you are.
No matter what the world has thrown at you, you’ve pushed yourself to give back twice as much.
You see yourself as broken, yet I just see you as a different form of art.
Yes you are different, but that doesn’t mean you’re broken.
Your form has a lot to show the world. It has a lot to prove.
No one stops to think when they look at a beautiful painting, painted to perfection.
Yes they will stop, but do they think?
I don’t think they do.
They don’t question it, that piece isn’t ingrained in their minds.
They see it and they forget.
You’re that piece of art that catches every eye
Not necessarily because it’s beautiful, but because it’s so different.  
You were made with delicate strokes, strokes full of thought, passion, and thrill.
Your artist had fun making you, and its evident.
They enjoy watching people walk by and stop.
The questions that must go through their minds…
The thoughts you must spark.
How were you made? Why were you made?
Why blues and greens for the two planets in those deep sunk sockets?
Why not grey and brown?
Why does your smile seem to hold the answers to every question asked by mankind?
Your wrinkles seem to hold such sadness and stress, yet your eyes say something different.
You often look into the mirror and think you are broken.
But when I look at you, I see beauty, intelligence, and the strength to overcome.
I think that’s why I fell in love with your laugh, because for once it wasn’t fake.
I heard joy, an abundance of it, and this time it was real.

It’s not easy,
Having a heart made of porcelain.
Always guarded. Always on the lookout.
For people with lead mallets,
Formed by words and actions.

It's not easy,
Being held together by glue and shriveling tape.

So many attacks on my humanity,
I’ve fallen apart so many times.

It’s not easy,
Piecing yourself together on the bathroom floor at 2 am.
So, when the sun rises you can hold others together while they fall apart.
Because while you are made of glass you pretend to be glue.
The glue that holds everyone together.

It’s not easy,
acting so strong when in reality you are so vulnerable.
E.r.t.

I won’t lie.
The chaos inside me is not beautiful
I am not the woman who is spoken of in poetry.
I do not light fires within others souls
Or grow flowers in my mind.
My form of beauty is human.
I cry with my whole body. I shake. I heave.
I forgive people who do not deserve it
And often get hurt by the same person twice.
I do not grow flowers in my mind; I grow thoughts, love, and memories.
I am not to be romanticized. The demons that live inside me are not my playmates.
They are evil things I struggle with every day.
The beauty I hold is real, imperfect. I will not hide behind words and paint a false picture.
I am imperfect and I accept that.
That is what makes me beautiful.

And suddenly all at once;
All of the words I couldn’t say,
The emotions I couldn’t explain,
Came flooding out onto the page.