The door is slowly opening
I can hear the hinges creaking
As it is forced to move.
What pagan wind invades
The solace of this silent chamber
To move what has grown stationary
In the effort to hold back
The machinations that are
Fluttering like brazen banners
On the brightly gilded lances
Of the mavens of decay
           ljm

I regret everything.
I regret falling in love.
I regret leaving.
I regret opening up.
I regret hurting so many.
I regret being desperate.
I regret changing.
I regret running away.
I regret staying.
I regret turning away.
I regret meaning everything.
I regret feeling unsafe.
I regret playing games.
I regret loving.
I regret caring.
I regret it all.

I don't give up
It's not in my nature
Even when it burns to hold

I don't give up
I ponder and wonder
If you're supposed to feel like home

I don't give up
I tend my wounds carefully
And return to fire once more

I don't give up
I wait around and prepare
For them to come back through the door

I don't give up
But maybe I should
It seems like they always do

I don't give up
Delusions fill my head
And my heart really still loves you

Karen returns home from her doctor visit
She has been crying . What is it?
Darren, her husband asked
Getting to the truth his task

Karen whispered as if speaking the words out loud would make it true she knew
“ I have terminal cancer it’s not good”
Darren Shocked to attention yelled NO

As if saying NO would make it so
there’s got to be a way give us another day
If his hug could make it go away,
Her eyes lowered “Insurance will not pay”
Darren “there has to be another plan play”

Karen is strangely, subdued Serene calm
The doctor’s news was a ticking time bomb
Darren couldn’t see her silent cries
Yelling, begging a million why, lord why!

The doctor asked; what do you want out of life? Cancer in a plateau how much farther do you expect to go? California favors assisted suicide Dr. Kavorkjan will reside

There is one answer the only answer we have left. This will put our love to the test.
The doctor will make her comfortable
let nature take its course Doctor knows best

Karen suggests they get a divorce
Releasing the Financial burden of course
expensive medical bills, Cancer kills.
Her cancer is curable with the right pills

But the insurance company will not pay.
If she were rich, nothing left to say,
have the surgery continue on life’s way.
But for Karen. This’ll be her final day.

She could be saved if she had the money,
If her insurance would paid oh honey
The surgery going under the knife
The only thing that could save her life

it’s considered elective ,exploratory.
The same old song and dance new story
Insurance owns all the players in this crime.
Standard denial. appeal process takes time

Time’s lost luxury Go home and Die!.
What is the benefit of living?
A little more time to say goodbye?
Downside; To watch life’s gruesome cry

unrecognizable changes Ravaged by pain
The cost of keeping their loved one insane  Inhumane fact is it comes down to money, ironic, fortuitous, perhaps life it’s not funny

what is your life worth? Are you worth  more dead on this earth  then alive?
Strange contemplation Troubled revelation
to grapple what is the drive and why strive

Karen’s memory
safely ensconced behind protective glass.
My sister had Grace pose class now passed
Her name a smear campaign Society blame
Choose another name to attack those insane

Inspired song
Karen by The Beach Boys 1969

I don't need to be so sensitive.
I don't need to place blame.
I don't need a place anymore.
With that I don't have any shame.

But sometimes the enemy creeps on me.
I feel it under my skin.
The thing that I see that is bothering me.
Is what's inside of it.