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the girls I danced with
I never wrote songs about

the girls I kissed under bursts of fireworks
I never won carnival prizes for

the girls I entered the sheets with
I never made a deeper connection

the girls who gave me their best
I never understood their motives

and I wondered where they all went and
why we parted ways like cathedral doors
and why they took the hand of other monsters and vanished into the night.

I was too naive to notice
all the red flags waving behind me
and too dense to turn around
and open my eyes.

but now I face this dry vacancy
and I see they’re
intertwined with their domestics
constricted with their marriages
taunting their husbands
commanding their boyfriends
obsessed with their photo albums
cramming belief and guidance into their children

its the same unabridged story
told over and over
and over and over
again.

I too, sit with this adverse outcome:
this one wants me to quit drinking
and that one wants me on a diet
and this one wants me to get a better job
and that one wants me to exercise more.

I’ve never been one to rest on my laurels,
but as I lay down in this bed with this one
like so many buried cold beneath the Earth,
I can’t stop thinking of those angels from my past that have flown off into other heavens.

I was never deserving
of their time nor
their presence

and I am neither
here nor
there.
Tonight, I lie in bed and
scribble in a black spiral
notebook.
Why is cruelty easy for
some? Like laying down
a card.

One of my three cats,
Mojo
sits sleepily on
my old maple desk.
She is all black.
The computer screen is
black.
So are the speakers,
microphone,
and a coffee cup that
sits on the desk.

Above my dresser is a
quote by Hemingway.

"There is nothing to writing.
All you have to do is sit down
at a typewriter and bleed."

It's on black paper.

I've had the room set up
this way for over a year.
I'm just noticing all the
blackness.
Midnight in Nod.
It could be because I miss
my daughter.  She's seven.
All the black fades away when
I think about her smile
and those eyes that laugh at the
rain.

I notice that my shirt
is emerald green, with a
few drops of red.

Plop
Plop

Plop.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICWIGqf62Kw
Here is a link to my YouTube channel where I read poetry from my books, Seedy Town Blues Collected Poems and It's Just a Hop, Skip, and Jump to the Madhouse, available on Amazon.com

www.thomaswcase.com
Out of nowhere
a thought of you
will hit my mind,
like a poison dart.
I don't know what
triggers it.
Tonight, I think it's
the cold wind blowing
outside my window.
Or, it could be the
tangerine I just ate.
That sweet juice.
It doesn't last
though.
Gone in a flash.
Too small for a
lifetime together.
And I'm alone with
this bright orange pain,
vowing never to write
about you again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICWIGqf62Kw
Here is a link to my YouTube channel where I read my poetry from my recently published books.

It's Just a Hop, Skip, and Jump to the Madhouse, Seedy Town Blues Collected Poems, available on Amazon.

www.thomaswcase.com
First frost
riming the landscape
A white dawn
Announced by the crow's harsh call
The waning moon hanging
In a cloudless sky
As the rising sun's rays
Twinkle on the frosted fields.
Repost on this frosty day
Today
marks the day
of a new kind of Triumph

My whole life I have sought your approval and praise
Knowing that in me you were always ashamed
Humans have always feared what they don't understand
But I am done being cut by the knife in your hand

Today is my freedom, I've escaped the cage!
Now your attention I no longer crave
I've taken the knife from your bloodied embrace
I've taken my freedom and I won't leave a trace

I've been held back and held down for far too long
What you see as my weaknesses are what make me strong
I know I am an oddity, a wild one, a mystery
But my twisted mind's what allows me to truly see!

I see when the end justifies all the means
I'm learning to listen to the voice in my dreams
Battle cries are everywhere and I know now to listen
I've been Awakened and through Triumph have risen

I see your embarrassment from my strange behaviors
But today I see past all your noise and distraction
I no longer care what you see when you look at me
Not ashamed or afraid, today I am free!
You didn't like the way I listen to music- so called it "cultish" and told me I couldn't do it in public, even in the car since people could see through the windows
You despise the fact that I'm bi- so you call it "identity issues" and tell me to tell no one
My plurality scares you- so you say it's dangerous and to keep it to myself
You don't understand my daydreaming- so you say I do it for attention
You despise how I stand up to you and speak for what's right- so you shut me down and tell me I'm the problem
Any time I try to tell you the pain you are causing me, you turn me into the bad guy
I may have no power now, but someday, when I walk out the door and never see you again, perhaps you will be cured of your Machiavellian, narcissistic, emotionally abusive evil before you hurt any more people.
Today I Triumph: for YEARS I have wished I didn't care what you thought of me, wished it didn't hurt when you emotionally abused and gaslit me, and made it clear how ashamed you were to even be around me and my uniqueness. It's as if you're allergic to color and individuality and anything different than your bland narrowmindedness. I'm the one who should be embarrassed for you! It's tragic!
Today, I finally broke free of the cage that was your judgement. I no longer feel the need to prove myself to you or even talk to you. We're fine on our own. We are finally, finally learning that we can't trust any of you, no matter how much you guilt-trip us into believing you're good people. You made us what we are. It has been hell, but we are grateful to you, because now we are special, strong, Enlightened! You call us crazy because you are afraid we may be right. You will never change, will always choose to abuse instead of treat us how we deserve. You have broken so much inside of us, things that will never be fixed. But we've built new ways of surviving, ways people may call insane or cruel, but we do what we have to to keep ourselves safe. We will never be able to stop loving you despite it all, but we no longer need you and you can no longer hurt us. Maybe someday we, or I, at least, may be able to forgive you.
Alii Semper Vincemus!
I haven't cried in so long
so long...
it's been so long...
a year
it will be a year in May
a year
a year
since I've seen my home
with countless more till I return
it's been so long since I've felt the pain
homesickness
was something I'd never experienced until the plane
approached that perfect island
until I stepped off
and the sun soaked into my soul
and I took a deep breath
and knew I was finally home
you can't tell me that's not home
YOU CAN'T
I WILL FIND MY WAY BACK TO YOU
I WILL FIND MY WAY BACK TO YOU
I WILL FIND MY WAY BACK TO YOU
someday, somehow
I will return
to the only place I could stay forever
to the only place that breaks down my walls
the only place that still makes me cry
I can't believe it's been a year
since I've seen home
I know it's all for Metamorphosis and crap but god it hurts so much. I thought I'd forgotten, thought I'd accepted my fate to be marooned forever. I cannot be marooned forever. What am I going to do?
Sometimes i wonder:
Do bullies hurt too?
I hurt a person,
And immediately knew
That it feels worse than to be hurt,
Yet they do it anyway
With all of those mean words
They have to say.
One selfish act,
A comment or two,
But they never felt worse
Than hurting you.
I accidentally hurt my best friend yesterday. He had a really bad day, i didn't know about it, i and this one person made a comment about him in our discord server, not really knowing that it would hurt him. I apologized but he didn't respond yet. (also, if you can read this somehow, i'm really ******* sorry)
I'm so proud of you,
You've made it all the way here,
You're still nothing but yourself.

I still remember when you were little,
Skin and bones all the way till third grade,
Mom was so happy when you started putting on weight,
She was worried you'd starve your growth.

But kids are cruel,
Now I'm worried about you,
You're taking bold steps into life,
Carrying yourself with a grand sense of pride,
Promise you'll be careful, more sensible than me.

Because I want you to be something more than me,
Please don't follow in the shadow of my legacy,
Light a candle, break away, make something more out of your modern day,
You used to have the same haircut, shoes, ideas as me,
Though I finally see you moving along,
I make big foot-prints, I dare you to make bigger ones.
I pray he goes far, so far.
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