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i’ve never fallen in love before
but i’m telling you
if i did,
my bones would screech and creak and crack to build you a home that doesn’t fight back
and
i would shower you with love until you drowned because i don’t know how to love unless it becomes too much someway or somehow
and
you would become all that i breathe and need and see and the very sound of your name would be enough to cause another relapse
because i’ll get addicted too soon and too fast and you’ll think it’s great
at first
until i’m publicly on my knees aching for your velvet kisses back
and
i've never cared for someone this way before
but i'm telling you
if i did,
my lungs would collapse and inflate again and again because you will be the only thing i'll ever breathe in
and
the people in my life would never amount to you, and maybe that's a little messed up but i wrote it
felt it
bled it, so it must be true
because i don't know how to let someone in unless i push every other person out and you'll love my attention
at first
until
you're throwing glass plates at my following figure
until
you're yelling regrets and things i should've considered
until
you hate me
because you don't want to be the only one
even if i want you to be.
i’ve danced with the devil because he has the prettiest eyes i’ve ever seen in my life
but i didn’t love him
i’ve kissed the hands of god because he smells like my childhood home and i liked that a lot
but i didn’t love him
i’ve cut open my skin for my first girlfriend because she promised to stay and that drove me insane
but i didn’t love her
and i’m telling you
if i did
i would write a poem convincing her that i didn’t
because i’ve never loved in a way that doesn’t became some form of a burden.
and i don’t love you
yet
but i am going to scrub my words into your naked body and i am going to promise that there’s nobody
but you
and you are going to love every second of it
because you’ve given in to destruction and seduction and you already understand everything about pain
you already know there’s everything to lose and i’m the only thing you’d gain
but that’s okay
because you’ve never fallen in love before.
i've been beaten and bruised but nothing hurts more than you
 Feb 2018 Ochwatts
Soeka laborde
Mystery Lady
She smiles and heads turn
Lick her lips, hearts skips
Sways her hips and jaws drop
And when she dance, time stops
She likes her liquor on the rocks

She has a flare for big numbers
Six figures and up, nothing under
She cares about your financial status
But her interest is self serving and bogus

In love with being at the front of the line at the club
So she pop a button on her clevage exposed top
And if you look closely, I bet you'd see the bouncer's eyes 'drop'
She uses her looks for short term gain
Her friends are like her, and are quite few
She has a knack for the money makers
She probably charmed you that way too

Its funny though
She never uses her "assets" for any long term goal
Simply because she doesn't need any or doesn't want to
I think she doesn't have any, truth be told
A person like that has a shallow soul filled with multi dimensional black holds
She climbs boyfriends like a cooperate ladder
One over one, higher and higher
Each one richer than the other
Could be a doctor, lawyer, pastor or even your father
She's way out of your league
So be cautious how you proceed
Her only aim if for her pockets to get bigger
In case you haven't already figured it out
Our mystery lady is a 'gold digger'



          *La Vida Love
 Feb 2018 Ochwatts
Soeka laborde
I  stumbled from the ashes of my disdain
Like a Phoenix, I was reborn

I rose to my feet, dusted my knees
Slowly then faster
One foot before the other
Walk, walk, jog, jog, run, run, run
Run without restraint
My heart feels so light
I just might faint
Run to the mountains
Cross the seas, settle in the valley
Finally, I am free
Free to fly
Free to soar
Free to discover so much more
Free to be alive
Free to choose life
Free to refuse the negativity's cries
Free to greet the morning with a smile
Free to relax once in a while
Free to weather any storm
Free to be rebuilt, reformed, reborn

*©La Vida Love
 Feb 2018 Ochwatts
Soeka laborde
I kicked, i boxed
I punched and screaned
This whole ordeal feels like a dream
And though I fought in anguish
The flames never seems to be extinguished
I kicked and punched with all my might
And still, it seem like a one sided fight
I gave it my all, though it was not enough She looked into my eyes and called my every bluff
Her words pierced my soul
Her touch metal cold

Me, myself ,I and her
The battle line was visible
The war seems impossible
Yet that tiny voice in the back of my head
Pleading with me not to roll over and drop dead
Kept me alive, and I aim to survive
No matter the cost of this battle
It has to be fought
Whether is may be through storms or drought
I'll defend my fortress without a doubt
Even if its something I dread
I'll defeat those voices in my head

*©La Vida Love
i told my therapist about you,
while your lips were still slathered alllll over my body.
i showed her the places we had been,
and all the things we had seen.
i told her what lies underneath that pretty
                                              pretty
skin of yours,
and i told her how i knew.
i spelt out your name as she scribbled it on her cute little clipboard,
i told her about the   first     night
and the      second
and the   fourth
and that time in the closet.
i told her everything,
i really just wanted to   get
                                                  you
                                      out  
of my brain,
it didn't matter if saying these things put me in  sososo  much pain.
because you've  moved   on  so why can't i?
i told my therapist about you,
but i still can't tell you
                                           goodbye.  
i know i'm  s t u p i d,
for holding on this l
                               o
                                n
                             ­    g,
i know it's useless,
for wishing you weren't                              gone.
but my words carry on like a heartbeat
s     l      o      w
steady
                          fast
u   s   e   d
  n    t   a   y
i   keep   keep   keep  breaking and breaking and breaking and
i told my therapist about you.
i think part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight is because we fear something that great will never ever happen twice

****
i was in so much pain when i wrote this, my lover had just left with two years of my life and i felt so so so alone. i chewed through therapists constantly, they left me behind because i was too broken to fix. i hated them all. but there was this one, this one singular human being that listened to me. she didn't flinch, she didn't look at me like i was a broken puppy left for death. she just listened. i was all over the place, but i managed to lay out my entire mind for her to dissect. and she did. she helped me so so much, and i could never repay her enough for how she has helped me. when i got home, i wrote the basics of this. it was like 12:30 when i wrote it and i couldn't sleep the next night so i decided to make this look exactly how i felt when i wrote it the night before. how my lover made me feel for so long. so i did. i was crying mountains, i was hyperventilating, i threw my phone through the wall. i put all my anger, blood, tears in each letter, each space. i put it all in there and then posted it a couple weeks later. i didn't show anyone. i just put it out there, hoping my lover would see it. but it didn't even matter cause when i woke up, the whole world saw it instead. thank you. i love you all.
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