I constantly need to check myself
Make sure I'm not turning in to him
I need to be more self aware
Then he'll ever be

I never want to make anyone feel
Anything close to the way he did to me

Twelve.
Such a wonderful age.
The human is still young, yet beginning to gain more knowledge.
But my twelve was different.

My twelve wasn't playing with toys
Or reading books all day
No.
It was about working a hard job under my stepfather's violent hand.

About crying out for help
Yet too quiet to be heard.

My twelve was about finding the power of
Turning mental pain into that of physical
About the box of pills in my drawer
And a bottle of water helping them get into my system

My twelve was about going to sleep
And hoping i'll never wake up
About my mother not knowing her child tried to end his life
At its very beginning.

I walk in the hallways
And I hear someone say
"This is the worst day of my life"
And we just had class together
And I know
Someone stole a pencil of his

I can't help but wonder
How could it be
That for someone it might be losing a pencil
And some it might be getting beat really bad one day
seeing a parent being put in jail, maybe leave
Or seeing your father say he wants to die
And get on his knees crying and shouting
In the middle of the street
Oh why
Oh why

When things get to be to much
I change my perspective
I am no longer there
In the place
Or with the people causing me stress

Im simply observing
For my own pleasure
In some way
Like I have the controller
To a video game
I am always playing
But I'm not in

Is it when two souls come together to unite or a drug that inhibits the mind, intensifying the senses of your heart combined.

An instinct that we crave to feel deeply emotionally attached.
Like oxygen we need to breathe, the removal of it deepens the need.

They say love is blind you can not see.
Is this the one who's captured me.

Minds in a daze lost in a maze.
Jolting you out of control, engulfing your body and soul.

Taking your hand alluring one in with that magical flute to captivate every inch of you.

You're lost in a trance enjoying the dance longing for it to last.
Increasing the desire not to drown out the fire.

Illusions of what we are led to believe.

Chemistry hits and that attraction exists, fireworks explode releasing pheromones, heightening the primal instincts inability to control the burning impulse.

Why is love inclusive and has many faces?

It's a basic human need; it's in our nature to proceed.

Alarm bells are ringing
Red flags are flailing.
Impending danger.
Hysterical behavior.

Is this the time to run and hide, Or stand up and fight.

Footsteps are approaching. Paranoia know escaping.

Your heart is pounding.
Adrenalin is raging.
My chest is restricting.
My pace is quickening.

The memories are flickering.
The torment is deafening.

Unable to speak now.
Unable to breathe.

Triggering and trickery,
Cheated my years

Fighting to relinquish My deepest fears.

Don't cry
Just breathe
In----out
Relax
Everything's okay
So what if you don't sleep?
You'll be okay
You've done it before
Just don't cry
Don't run
And only scream silently
Because no one has to know

I'm busy on break
Mind is at stake
Endless work and anxiety from school
Making myself a fool
To do hobbies to be burned out
Continuous counting about
My stitches
Constantly looking if my art needs any stitches
To bring it all together
Just to put it in the corner over there
Just so no one can see my drawings

I'm too busy on break
My wrists need a long break
Yet I can't pull away, it just feels so magnetic
I feel so hectic
I can never catch a single break because of myself
Just so I can put items on the shelf
Waiting to sell out

I want- no- yearn for a break
Yet I'm always busy on my week long breaks
Taking care of things left and right
It feels as if I can barely see the light
I hate it
Dealing with everyone's ****
Is this really the consequences of having a job?
Where I'm being renamed as Bob?
To the point where I'm so tired that I need to move every second so I can get untired?

I'm so ******* exhausted
It feels like I just got deported
Just tie me onto a bed
Make dreams go to my head
Make me go into a deep slumber
Now I don't have to cut timber
Make my muscles relax
Just so I can relax
Just so I can remove my eye bags
Get all the hot rags
And put them on my forehead
Whenever I'm in bed
So this sickness will go away
Just so everything can go away
Remove all the stress on my shoulders
And place them ontop of boulders
See if the boulders would break because of how much weight there would be