Wind . . . blowing up baggy sleeves of my cardigan of ivory
Sky . . . grey and cloudy . . . perfect weather for me
Earth . . . I can see it right beneath me but nobody can see me
Fire . . . hottest of its kind within me can no longer hurt me
I am at peace

One would ask what I am doing.
I would answer . . . I'm going to Heaven, human.
One would ask how I can go.
I would answer . . . there are many ways but I'm just gonna let gravity catch me one last time.
. . . because it can't get me again anymore after this

Only one step forward . . . and I can feel it
The gasp, the heart drop . . . Yessss
Flying downward and . . .upside down
I am . . . weightless
It's everything that I've ever imagined
And more
Hear humans screaming down there
Don't you dare ruin my trip
A pause
My eyes sparkled with surprise
Is that . . . the Large world? . . . My Large world?
Pure and bright . . .
I can see it . . . I'm getting close to it . . .
Close my eyes . . .
Goodbye gravity

One blink, two blink . . . You were there
On my left
With your rolls of tissue
With your nasty handwriting
With your cobalt blue pencil case
Laughing about how we were so alike
Playing innuendo bingo games
I hated wearing glasses but
You said I looked handsome with it on
Past

Three blink, four blink . . . I'm not there
But you are
With your Constantine
With your batman wallet
With your white duty coat
Whining about how you hate studying medicine
Telling you to quit smoking though knowing I'm nothing for you
Wandering where it went wrong
Was it my confession that changed us?
Present

Five blink, six blink . . .
I can't . . . I don't want to!
Why?
Because I've predicted . . . I've seen it all
Please . . . continue

Five blink, six blink . . . Should I be there?
You on the aisle
With your sleek tux
With your big goofy smile
With your bride or groom or whatever tf you are into . . beside you
Seeing you happy makes me breathless
Introducing your new partner to me
- " Babe, this is my old best friend."
- " Hi, I'm . . . "

Wanted to say something
Wanted to pull out whatever that is blocking my throat
A pause . . . a breath

- " Hi, I'm his nobody."
Future

It's been six long years . . .
So I know . . . I think I know most of you . . . generally.
Do I know what I'm doing? . . . Should I know?
Was I too vulnerable? . . . Am I still?
Did I break some walls? . . . Were those yours or mine?
Probably mine . . .
Do you remember this conversation?
- " Wait. Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
- " Ye-es . . . I wish I hadn't spoken."
- " I'm going to pretend you never did."
Because that is the cousin of what we had . . .
Or . . . do you even remember that?

Now Lucifer wants me to keep holding on when
Michael is telling me to let go . . .
And currently, it's hard to listen to the archangel
. . . because I still have the memories . . .
. . . because I'm still dreaming of that one little flamboyant dream I once had . . .
. . . because it wasn't six long weeks.
Because it was six years.