Like a volcano ready to erupt
The pressure inside of me is starting to build
My jaw clenched shut
My trembled breath
The warning earthquake

You took advantage of my kindness
You handled me as though I were a dead rose
For now my thorns will have your back
But in time they will cut you deeper

Like lava cascades down the mountain
The tears you induced burn my flesh
For now I’ll let them, to keep us alive
But in time they’ll dry and you’ll be only a memory

And I, a newly formed landscape

A fire is burning
The foundations are breaking
The walls are falling
The smoke is asphyxiating
You are the building
My heart
The arsonist

What I’d give to go back and start again with you.
Cherish that side grin and wink
Feel your warming embrace
Laughing at stupid little things
What I’d give to go back to how things were.
Never admitting to you how I felt
Cause having you just as a friend, well,
Is so much more than this silent goodbye
I swipe through our conversations
Trying to pin point the moment it all went wrong
The moment you chose to fade away
And I feel like an idiot for missing you this much
We’ve only known each other six months.
But it feels like a life time
I let you know the parts of me I don’t talk about.
Now you’re gone
I’m left wondering if you ever think of me,
If you ever miss me,
If my secrets are safe with you,
If you’ll ever say goodbye
What I’d give to go back and start again
If only you knew.

I don’t know how to explain this strange euphoria feeling
Spun with a burn not too dissimilar to cinnamon
As the what ifs fade, I try to cling with finger tips stretched as a last attempt to convince myself that what I felt was real.
I don’t know how to explain the weight lifting off my shoulders,
All the while I am being suffocated
Like rain fall from silver lined clouds the haze of spring penetrates my eyes to remind me
I am still alive

I stare at the green dot next to your name
I pray to something I don’t even believe in just for a “Hi”
I told you I needed time
**** I don’t know what I want or what I need
I need you
I. Need. You.
Twenty five minutes in and that green dot is still there
I’m still staring, waiting, hoping for the ellipsis
The signal that I’ve crossed your mind.
I stare at the green dot next to your name
I promise myself not to message you first
But I know what the reality is if I don’t
We become nothing but strangers,
The perfect somebodies we used to know.
That green dot is still there
I break my promise
I pretend like the last thing I sent you wasn’t a confession of my heart.
Forty two minutes go by and active now is ever so prominent.
My messages go unread,
From the tap of a keyboard we’ve gone from talking everyday like it were our last
To never breaking silence.
Who knew it would actually be our last.
Your finger print is etched into my heart,
But I have so much left to say.
As the minutes roll by and that green dot glows
I hope for any form of acknowledgement
But it never comes, that green dot disappears.
In that moment I know
We already became strangers
The perfect somebodies we used to know.

Should I have kissed you? You see I got that vibe, what I mean is you consume my every thought,
When you smile the world stops.
My heart resembles a hummingbird, and by that I mean when I see you it’s still and fast all at once.
Was that a date? what I mean is I was expecting a third person but you came alone, you gave that look and said ‘I got this babe’.
Conversation is easy and it’s in those moments I realise we fit better than Lego.
Do you see more than just my size?
You asked ‘what do big girls drink’, I replied with wine, but what you missed was my heart loosing its wings and  hitting the floor.
Of course a few weeks later I learn about another girl
A few weeks later I learn you knew how I felt all along
A few weeks later I am standing in front of you pretending everything is fine
A few weeks later I am standing in front of you feeling like glass hitting concrete flooring
A few weeks later I confess to you how I feel
A few weeks later my fitness planner is scolding me because I have stopped eating
A few weeks later I fear the last words you say to me are “don’t worry ***”