In the year of missing kissing

it was masks for simple tasks like queuing for bread

ditching foreign travel so we all stayed home instead

we swapped hugs for elbow rubs and waves from afar

coffees in the car instead of drinks with a friend

oh the fun of this year

Will it never end?

(Ego as fragile as the gossamer wings of a fairy
I stood nose to nose with a child, quite contrary)

Everything I do is in fear of him and her
Stick up my chin
To prove to them I’m not so immature

slinking beneath shimmery  skin
Aching and breaking
I’m overwhelmed by these  emotions

One at a time and they each consume me
Body so small,  when they run through me
All my hate
And this fear
Bitterness, despair, and distress
All my love, my ecstasy

All of my happiness

I can only really feel the one.


You say I’m a[censored] and to[redacted]
Then you say
I deserve it cause the way that I’ve acted

Hate to know myself when disconcert
It’s too much (I’m in pain!)
I’m tired of this needless, childish hurt

be weary pretty girls
when boys start to stare
some dream of stealing
the flower from your hair

I should’ve eaten less
I should’ve exercised more

He mentioned my favorite book in bed,
reading my thoughts aloud,
and stripping me further.
How easily I fell for him.

Misplaced is this part of me,
I can no longer find.
Tossed bedside earrings that fell carelessly,
becoming abandoned in bedsheets.

I dream of him less now,
fading knowledge that his body,
once fit so perfectly with mine.
His eyes carry so much depth,
that I couldn't discover reason.

Distance fills this gap,
so I tuck it away into corners.
Swept emotions into the closet,
pushed away with missing him.

I must love the wrong way,
always knowing,
he wouldn't stay.
taking the most intimate part of me offered,
I stand here,
between space and silence.