It felt like I was the reason things started going wrong in your life
The leash of guilt tightening firmly around my neck
Was it love?
                     or
                           Was it Pity?
It sounds stupid,
But once I was ******* in this invisible cage
I found it hard to escape from you
Like an idiot, I forgave you numerous times
For you knew how to twist things around
And every time i did something
I could feel as though this guilt was loosening
Even if it was just a bit,
I thought this is a fair price to pay
As he needs me
                        As much
                                          As I need him
But we both know that together we are Toxic

                              

How can you expect your child to race with the other kids like a car, when it doesnt even have an engine.

-Ks.

Enveloped in warm air
Listening to a song I've never heard
The volume low and gentle
I notice the rhythm of the song
More then the Melody
Thump Thump
There it goes
Thump Thump
It coarse through my body
Thump Thump
But is this merely the rhythm
Or is it because he's here with me?

My lustful sins haunt me,
I'm uncertain of whether I should feel guilty
Or enjoy the pleasurable memories that decide to overwhelm me at the thought of you.

And so I wait,
...................
...................
...................­
...................
..................
This is what it feels like when you not around
The silence becomes incredibly loud.
I try and occupy my brain with humans who were there before you, but they will never match up to the stranger I have come to know.
It took me a little over 48 hours to get hooked on a human.
Not just any but
YOU.
You're in my thoughts,
In my ENDLESS conversations,
And you have personally found your way into my sacred space, my vulnerability, my poems.
You have infiltrated your existence into mine
And at this very moment I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sacrificing my sleep in order to exchange thoughts, ideas, authenticity, crazy stories and doing absolutely anything and everything to get to know you more is than an honour.
You're different!
Not the obvious, accent, skin colour, how we were raised different.
You're " I'm connected to your soul, I don't know how it got there so quickly, your existence overwhelms me with contentment and I'm grounded by your personality it's mind blowing" different.
Never stop being so sweet, it's contagious
And never stop talking to me unless you're slaving your life away doing what you're passionate about
Or sleeping.
At this point I have come to realize that I don't mind waiting, I'll do it over
And
Over
And
Over
AGAIN...
Only because I have to.

You're letting go while I'm holding on.
I'm not confused, I know exactly what I want.
I don't show it one bit and that scatters your emotions.
But you're it for me.
I'm sorry I walked away while you poured out your soul with your actions but never uttered a word.
I apologize I left you hanging, when you were so sure you had won my heart.
I was just protecting my heart from what could've been another unforseen disaster.
Sad part is, this time around I created one, trying so hard to run from it.
You own my heart,
Your absence confirmed it.
I didn't slowly learn how to love you
I fell so hard for you from the word go I was slowly trying to love you using your pace.
I didn't want to bombard you with my uncontrollable emotions.
I'm a mess, through and through.
I just didn't know I had met my match.
But you're gone
So let me try and forgive myself and forget you.

I wanna get to know you.
The real you,
The you that doubts herself every time she looks into the mirror and just sees scars.
Open up that fragile side of you, I'm yearning to understand it's ins and outs.
I wanna know the parts you don't show those idiots and fools.
The ones who don't listen to your spirit move.
They claim to love you but do they know in which direction your soul will inevitably move at the sound of your favourite tune?
I too may be classified as a one of em fools, but truth truthfully speaking I'm in tune with the tune that's sets your soul on fire.
I've spent split seconds of each day trying to work out how much of myself to sacrifice to you in order to see or hear you smile.
See I can hear it when you smile, you try to hide it so well but there's a sound you let out and oh God,my God even though I have not yet found it's definition but I'm quite certain my existence is somehow intensely complete when I hear it.
Can we get our melodies in tune?, forgive me Im guilty for liking your groove.
Dare I say your heart beat takes me to the moon, yours is the only rhythm I hear in any room.  
Every time you smile I hear angels sing, you have no idea the joy your voice brings.
Your silence isn't my peace, give me your melody so our hearts can sync.
Keep me content by interlocking our souls,
I exist for you, whether you know it or not, I'm whole and at peace at the thought of you.
Don't end the rhythm please speak, make a sound or just sigh.
You make my heart feel like it's stuck in the sky
Let me in, make me whole
Let me write a song for your soul.
I want us to embody the perfect verse, I want your body please forgive my thirst.

I heard a rumor that hope still lives somewhere inside you.

The night is a thrilling time in every sense of the word, and you are proud to be a child of this time.

I heard a rumor that you write by the light of the moon and the fluorescents of your bedroom.

Carpe noctum- seize the night. Latin. The flip side of the more commonly used “carpe diem”; in any case, a mantra.

I heard a rumor that you wish on stars for things that feel even further away.

I heard you have an exhausted but insomniac body that needs to be something’d to sleep.

I heard you want to create things, go someplace.

I heard a rumor that you will get there.

music is a sigh of relief in a world that holds its breath