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I get the word Rejection tossed, as if it scares me!
As if i've never been rejected, as if rejection is new like the new world Christopher discovered… huh oh wait.
As if I’ve never felt it, Seen it, Been a part of it.
Rejection is fear…
Rejection isn't fear if you don't allow it. Rejection can be try again.
Rejection can be that girl or that boy, how about rejection can be that person because it sees no face sees no color
It sees… it sees and it doesn't care
Rejection is all around.
Rejection by others is not as bad as my own rejection.
My own rejection to try, to sing, to dance, to be happy
you see my friend
your rejection is nothing, but motivation
You might whisper it behind my back, but I need you to understand I use to scream it to my face!
You can't!
Don't try!
I hate you!
I want you to die!
You’re so ******* pathetic!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop…
Rejection now to me, means try harder.
Unless you have been told by someone no, then it means chill the **** down and no
Because there is nothing sexier than consent.
Because love is blind…
Now before i get off topic
let me bring it back
But not back to Vegas
But back to me
Because I've been tossed and I've been pushed
And I have pushed and I have shoved
And you see i'm alive
And have survived
So don't use the word rejection and try to bring me fear… because this aint no fear factor
Life just has a funny way of telling you to get back up
So get back up
Now before you try and bring me down bring me down from the one step I took, but only one because you see I am scared…
But not of rejection, but of heights..
3/10/14
Its another sleepless night, and i'm trying to figure out what i'm doing with my life, again. I'm often short of breath, lost in my thoughts. In a sea of darkness. I'm running through this maze of pain, I've been told that I would never get out by myself. My stubbornness has taken me further in this maze than I have ever gone, I’ve usually blacked out by now, screamed by now, cried by now. Ive been lost for too long and I will not give up today. Its getting hard to breathe even when i'm outside, Its getting hard to see, even if the sun might be shinning, theres always a cloud right above me. I'm tired and by myself. I feel like these walls have started to cave in on me, these last couple months the cloud above me has been pouring, and this maze is filling up with water, its getting hard to breathe again, and ive forgotten how to swim. Every turn gets darker and looking back holds nothing for me. I wish someone was trying to find me, I keep hearing screams, but none hold my name. I use to be woken up every morning by the sun, but this cloud doesn't leave. I keep running through this maze and still have not found an exit. I keep running through these paths filled with pictures of familiar faces, dont be angry when I scream that I'm trying to leave them before they leave me. I stumble into a room of mirrors, the only good thing about this cloud is that it makes it hard to see my reflections, but I need to face me, see me. Try and understand that i'm not crazy when I say how much I hate me! Maybe its a lack in faith, but in all honesty its a lack in me. I keep running into my grandfather’s empty house in this disgusting maze. Its been left abandon and collapsing. That once beautiful house, has been broken into, robbed of all its joy. How could this amazing place that was filled with great memories for me be here. But the door was broken down from the inside, the glass from the windows lay outside his house. That house is now behind him, it no longer holds anything for him, I’m sorry if one day you pass by and see my house collapsing, but it’s because I finally found the exit to this maze.
4/25/15
His keyboard destroyed the sidewalk,
Left ideological lines of chalk,
Deciding to discover the one true song,
That makes every soul smile,
He travels from east to west,
Talking with the worst,
And the best,
Doing ******* with drummers,
That are due on stage,
Asking them what song is a miracle?
Then writing them on beer stained pages,
The sumo while singing did that,
He bought the beer,
And they only talked in song,
(they didn't know what they had said till the morning)
He searched through the gutters,
And every disco he was there,
Asking freaks and cutters,
Never finding the one song,
It's been a while since he was home,
How long?
The haze of yesterday's drugs and memories that don't belong to him,
But the search continues,
He ends up learning it all, folk, techno, and blues,
It was in Reno when he said the wrong words,
And a man shot him,
Just to watch him die,
He got to see,
That his dream will never be,
It's not exactly the end,
As time began to bend,
A door that opens to,
Millions of record players,
In layers,
by the billions,
A familiar tune begins to play,
The best song.
I'm thinking aboot tweaking the ending, what do you think dear reader?
Find solace in solitude,
There is no shame in that.
We are unknown to ourselves
An ocean to which we delve.
Scarcely coming up for air,
Entangled in fathoms
Whirlpools of despair.
Waves of introspection
Spare us shallow reefs,
Yet cast us into darkness
And the horrors of the deep.
Pushing through the tourists
the sounds and scents of a bazaar
flood my body,
until I wake up to find it's all a dream.

What madness.

I've pulled away from my bed,
dug my fingernails into the corners of my eyes
and bitten my nails to the dull news that its
12 o'clock and even the ******* trucks have
left their skidmarks on the road behind.

While a yawn fights the tightness in the joins
of my lips i'm embraced by a slow numbness
that's familiar.

It's the rough teeth of another hangover
immune to colgate.
Its another day of shame hanging to my forehead,
sighing a tired ******* to moisturiser.

In the mirror I look like the anti-man and
I feel I should ask
if a gorgon once stared into the same mirror
and left just a stone behind.

I look myself in the anti-man's eyes
and we listen to our mantra -

Be a human.
Cast out the magic
in your fingertips.
Let the dust fly out
and become the Midas
of glitter.

Be a man and beat
the job market, stiffen up
To this pantomime and
through your black eyes  
blink back the sweat
of every empty promise you've ever made .

Be a girl and
dress like you want to
in bodycon and heels.
Lets the long hair fall
down your back
and believe you're pretty.

Please be something,
because I won't I wake up tomorrow
and find its all a dream

I'm just an animal boy.

I  feel the cold granite of my skin.
Every moment would be fractured
Skewed, malignant, only after
Love and plenty drew them nearer
To the ending of her nightmares.

Weeping widow
Eyes of blue
Considers well the end of you
But children lie with sleepy cries
And her heart still aches, too.

With all their might
They'll push on through
To find the solution that's right
To impossible dreams and
Impossible bleeds and
Impossible themes of the night.

His heart stopped.

The world.
Stopped.
There. In the hospital bed.

Gone.

Weeping widow,
Children too,
All left to a shivering world

Their hands were cold
But his were colder

Than the snowy Christmas dawn.
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