Suns descend, Moons rise & the moment my chamber becomes dark I'm again trapped in this puzzling, and tormenting box.
My wrists hand cuffed and bound by my insecurities & questions I won't accept the answer to, unable to sleep at night I'm always policed by my own thoughts.
Statements that once seemed so true are interrogated by my lack of trust & begin to sweat drops of lies and betrayal.
My goals are set in the horizon of a seemingly endless hallway and I find myself kneeling, sheltering my ears from the terrorising sounds of people hoping for me to fail.
A raging tycoon sweeps through my mental hamlet & I always just want you to hear the storm, for you to know your own storms are not uncommon, that you can trust me, or you should.
But you don't care to listen to me let alone trust me enough to let me comfort you with your own aches and Demons whisper me to me "you're unworthy, for her you're just no good."
I would love to go to sleep imagining perfection, A fairytale world where my goals aren't far away, & we have conversations where trust and comfort is abundant to where there aren't any problems to be relevant.
But sadly, my mind doesn't operate that way. Doubts in my mind tell me I'm not good enough, I'm not close enough, doubts enforced by my own logic & I seem doomed to serve a life sentence in a dungeon composed of my own thoughts, a prisoner of my own intelligence.

On a pain scale 1-10 death is a 0.

Zero for the deceased and a ten for breathing.
Appreciation at 1 when they come & always a
10 when we're forced to watch them leaving.

Days are numbered for us, for the people we love, & the plants that gift us breathe.
Would you still care? Would you still crave that job? Would that heart break still hurt if the clock was almost done ticking & you knew you were facing death?

A scratch wouldn't sting If it simultaneously occurred along with a stab.
The small joy of a giggle loses its stimulation when placed next to a stomach squeezing laugh.

More and Less, More or less? The words are meant to be a measure of the amount of things, or people, but in reality they are the enhancement and suppression of appreciation.
Ten dollars is appreciated until twenty is seen. Take someone who complains about asthma as if it's the worse curse & diagnose them with cancer, they'll suddenly forget asthma is even involved in the situation.

More or Less are just synonyms for Better and Worse. Better makes us blind and numb to what we have, those joys we already feel; introduce worse & we no longer need Better to see these blessings.
Everyday we count things, we count everything except for the things that count, lack of appreciation deprives us from making the days count, & then we wish we could have them back once begin stressing.

We always want more of anything pleasureful we recieve when it's really appreciation that should be given and received with repititon.

Life is a gift but More or Less makes us mortal, makes us ungrateful, & turns life into a competition.

The day we cease to appreciate our lives because we fall victim to the perception of More we start to live less and less, before you know it you've died while you're still breathing.

Ultimately we need pain. It teaches us to appreciate & ignore the more, we must hurt before we benefit it's like a baby teething.

**If you're alive, you're blessed, more or less.

My phone memory is exhausted, the database is so full yet it's so empty.
Maturity turns more to less & loneliness stems from plenty.
You'll count up to two, eight, fourteen, twenty.
Then you look up to a crowded room of meaningless people & see no one, lord where have you sent me?
A path of numerals is not a pleasant walk.
All these texts, all these calls & conversations but lack of substance equates deafness, I can no longer hear them talk.
Gosh, I can't erase this chalk.
How I wish to throw water on my blackboard and fast forward, I must repel & balk.

I've been focused on my distant light the last 14 months, I feel like I'm living in a telescope.

Unprecedented sacrifices, committed to living with my mother until I never have to tell her nope.

My great grandmother is 89, we saw her today they think she's leaving soon.

I couldn't catch my breathe to tell her that her prayers blocking my demons gave me breathing room.

Not sure why we assume we have the whole clock to air it out.

I'm pressing my lungs everyday until the air is out.

She had my grandmother and uncle in a one bedroom shack, three mouths to feed.

Has me ashamed of the things in my life I was ever foolish enough to call a need.

My eyes are wide open so I listen to less of my peers, I have a distant ear.

Playing who wants to be a millionaire but my lifelines are starting to disappear.

I'm a product of generations of sacrifices, my destiny is the heights my lineage will soon taste.

We couldn't rob Peter to pay Paul, in my family they were usually roommates.

Killed my ignorance with books, in my office it can lie buried.

A plan for the risk is the difference between divorce and staying married.

Life challenges brought me to my knees then I rose to stability on one.

Proposed to my dreams hoping the lord says yes once I’m done.

The only measure of intelligence is if you get what you want out of life.

One must know what to want in the first place, what’s worth what price?

The food for thought used to take several trips, It felt like a full plate.

Now It takes half of the fridge to maintain like I gained a roommate.

However, I live mostly in my head alone.

Such a crowded home.

‪I grew up locked up in hell, I found out hard work was the key.
Spent most of life watching the Devil constantly scoring on me.
But now me and God on offense, time for Satan to play the D.
Situations in life can start bad but I like my chances in quarter 3.
Ooo, optimism will always be apart of me.
Can't shake me, can't wash me, I'm a harder flea.
I prayed for one blessing he must've thought I ordered 3.
I'm living life with no umbrella, all this water on me.
College grad, now these women sweating me like I'm a smarter Keith. ‬

and when they buy a security, they also hope that he’s in It.

Because you can not find luck without seeing that P with It.

Magic isn’t just something Elves made up.

Love is something that novels, TV, and social media made tough.

the right connections aren’t labor but, ironically they just work, scarcity is a thought to divorce.

Extinction is the one prerequisite to sustained loneliness, else wise go to the source.

For if you fell in love with an erudite, make the library a place where you dine and camp.

There are those in wheelchairs who agonize over stairs, and those who search for ramps.

If you loved nurses maybe your next spark can be found in your next cold.

Wax can either hinder your ability to hear or act as a base to the new flame your wick will hold.

My point being is if you lost your favorite blonde you can fly to Norway, or pout in Phoenix.

But one thing is clear, the people who truly want something, we can tell they mean It.

I wonder is thinking about my past obsession my new obsession.
Have you ever wanted to eternally hold someone down, hold them down, stay down, like some type of romantic oppression.
My expressions, she Questions, Lectures me about moving faster than the class, seems loving someone too soon is today's lesson.
See I was just trying to appreciate a blessing, Appreciated it so heavily in fact, i began stressing.
Have you ever gotten something so good, the day it arrived you had already began dreading the day it would leave?
It's like getting the throne and not appreciating the throne, just resenting the fact one day there has to be another Queen.
You can treat good things to well when you're used to washing in pain, shampooing in secrets, and using tears as a rinse.
I think this is the reason why in my Heart she had the throne, she was my Queen before I was even her prince.
Lose your Queen and you're just a Jack, with no way to become a King, no way to ascend, no way to bridge that gap.
So I try fill the space with Jokers, 9s, and 10s even but beauty doesn't Equate strength, & every time I walk a bridge composed of attraction and pleasure my path is sure to collapse.
I'm on a Plane to Oregon & as I wait I realized I was becoming anxious, I'm headed toward a dream, and I'm impatient, rushing the moment rather than taking it all in.
This is when it finally dawned on me that no matter how big a lead i have, I will always have to wait until the fourth quarter to see who truly wins.
Sometimes when you're blessed with someone you have to be patient enough to let the buzzer sound, for your blessing to realize that you yourself are a blessing too.
The most Amazing and beautiful things in life are so fragile because they are life themselves, Admire but don't obsess, touch but don't capture, stand close but not too close, even a fish needs breathing room.

"Premises of a Loss" -Tadashi Pinder

The closer I am to God, I am to peace.
Life is full of headaches, the people we love are God’s natural relief.
or amplifiers, I know what it’s like to have someone move me further away.
Which is probably why I’m so grateful for the people around today.  
I used to ignore my blessings to chase things or people who didn’t care.
When elders describe the best things about their lives, it’s always joys that were always there.
People, places, moments, never money or these things we aim to achieve.
So my list is just those three, & if brings me peace, It can get a piece.
I can’t believe I ever felt God was far away with my friends and family so close.
So look around, there’s a lot more God & therapists in your life than you probably know.

They lied when they said Love would cost us nothing.
To be specific, it cost me about thirteen hundred.
My heart is broken and this pain really hurt me don't it?
When love is chasing you just keep on running.
Love is a curse, I'm just being honest.
There's only one cure to a broken heart and I'm smoking on it.  
I get hurt and then convince myself I didn't want it.
Therapeutic shopping, Balmains cost me fifteen hundred.
They lied when they said Love was priceless.
Drugs, clothes, liquor, we spend money pretending we don't miss the people we miss.
I guess if it's forever, it's free.
But if it ends, be prepared to pay the fee.

Can’t live with me so they want to **** me.
I pray God save me from the friends cause I can’t be caught off guard by an enemy.
Think about it, Someone has to be close to stab you.
Guess those are the cuts we just have to laugh through.
So many times now I only smile when I bleed.
There’s always an apology followed by a “I need.”
Loneliness is safer.
Put the love under an eraser.
Put your forgiveness in a box & friendships under leases.
I’m already broken, it’s hard to hold together the pieces.

I see you guys talk so much but you haven't said anything.
Only words with substance are truly heard.
Please stop whispering.
I can't hear your desperate attempt to gain attention.

My poems so personal but the truth so inspiring.
My career in hyper drive, baby boomers retiring.
Materials & status not important in life.
So I spend a lot of time selling better values & advice.
So many things more important than winning when any night could be our last night.
So I apologize even when I feel right.
Peace is never a loss.
Losing people is life’s most expensive cost.
Scan earth & my best friend the fastest man here.
When he vent to me sometimes I can tell he forget he a millionaire.
I stoped living to survive, constant flights to California.
Spoiling women a passion for me, praying God bless me with plenty daughters.
August 8th, bonus check net 6K, I didn’t smile that day.
Can’t say enough if you chasing happiness, money not the way.
The world has so many moments that make even rich people choke.
With no loved ones close, they realize they really broke.
My pride comes from women that love me calling me a bright spot.
Can’t wait til the day my daughters look back like “we just like Pops.“

I knocked my insecurities off, I'm being authentic.

Futures can transform from fuzzy to fully vivid.

What would your dream mean if you decided to live it?

Is peace taken away or do you give it?

Isn't it easier to make your bed when the linen is fitted?

My corners don't hook up anymore, I'm finished.

The crime is more significant than the witness.

Remember when it was desired that no one could say "he did it"?

As long as they print it, I know they'll send it.

& I'm saving most of mine every time I get it.

I will drag my ink across the scroll, hoping to describe how I feel.

Proximity to a dream realized may be better than the day the dream is real.

We often feel more deeply in imagination, disengaging this sense for what we can grasp.

but which is better, stretched out anticipation of a comedy show or the actual laugh?

It could be my observation is incorrect, just my fear of waking up once the dream is over.

It has been a joy to ****** into the unknown, less so as the known moves closer.

The person who’s coming always seems more exuberant than the one who came.

Could It be the best scenario always exists in the brain?

I use to ponder why so much pain for me Lord?
Now, today, I think I finally comprehend.
My band aids are symbols of survival.
My pain silences cries of Death & plays a cheerful symphony with the essence of revival.
Look in my soul and see my pain.
See my retries & see my faith. Find the sunshine In my rains.
You can either use your distress, or waste it.

Recycled tears -Dash Pinder

Novelists, poets, tend to be hopeless romantics only capable of writing romance once we find our hope.

Gosh, I know, my dear friends, some time has passed since my last love note.

Reduce your worry, for love is soon to burst from my pen more inspiring than ever before.

In my efforts to be exuberant yet patient, I will briefly describe this woman I adore.

Her smile makes you forget you’ve cried, her strength strikes in you, weakness, life with her makes you question if you’ve ever lived.

The view is difficult to describe, I am watching a thief steal something I am yearning to give.

She’s a reminder that God in a relationship makes heaven the ceiling.

For those who have missed the love in my scripts, she is restoring the feeling.

I wrote this in Five minutes because I've thought about you long enough to know what I want to say.

You might feel like no one understands but I've felt anquish to, I've seen effort turn invisible to, & I understand why you walk that way.

Skies you intended for sunshine fall victim to games and tearful lies. You find out things that feel like lightening through your heart and that pain has torn you.

Just thought I'd inform you, you're not a lone survivor for I've been in that storm to.

I myself have made it out but if you've ever been in a storm you know it's meaningless to be safe unless you know the people you care for are warm to.

When you make it out remember effort is a prerequisite to be worthy so even though your heart is the greatest gift worthy is the one who takes the initiative to steal it.

So I take my emotions and think of the most powerful actions to reveal it because words are just words until someone else feels it.

For you,

We all know the best hearts are in the lost and found.

We know love isn’t free and It seems to cost in pounds.

Patience, accountability, effort, these are the dues.

This isn’t about my dream, I’m saving up for youuu.

Why are a significant amount of scientists atheists? This is something I ponder.

Now as a Christian, other Christians would ironically advise me to toss the baby with the bath water.

It’s an extraordinary question because the intelligence much of my academic heroes posses,  can’t be faked.

Yet, they seem to argue that if they can reverse engineer the recipe to your cake, this confirms your absence when It was baked.

My inquiry is not for division, quite the opposite, Jesus asked the disciples to gather the most diverse groups they could muster.

How is It that the most mathematic souls on earth are not noticing this obvious statistical cluster?

Statistically, such a distribution is nearly impossible by chance.

It seems to be more evidence that ego can’t coexist with faith, acceptance of God is a contradiction to the belief your mind is the most advance.

Like, why? It's gotta mean something.

I'm color blind except for blue.
Poisoned from staring at those eyes on you.
It's gotta mean something.

My hearts beating way too much.
It's like anesthesia when we touch.
That's gotta mean something.

If you're in pain I bruise.
You've untied my shoes.
It's gotta mean something.

When I dream my dreams true
They always come true next to you
That's gotta mean something.

"Man I can tell you that's love."
"It's not even like that bruh."
Why am I fronting?

I dream we're on tracks under the sun.
& your kiss is just like that gun.
It's gotten me running.

It's gotta mean something.
Still I've said nothing.
Silently suffering.

No one can be given a greater gift than patience.

So, give it to your self.

To have something is a kin to not wanting it,

when we assume we have time, we want something else.

What if I told you that you possess incredible powers?

You can actually make goals shrink.

You gave yourself a year to do it, but what If you tried consistently for five years?

aha, you're capable of more than you think.

Maybe that just is the obstacle in our way?

our thinking is the very process that leads to a rush.

When searching for your reservoir notice the fault traps,

for the depths under the fault is where the oil begins to gush.

Lost my best friend now I hang out with demons.

Tramadol floating in Bacardi , *** to feel alive but I see death in my *****.

Make my bed and lie in it, invisible stains on the sheets, they can't see that I'm bleeding.

Hell's Kitchen, a servant and chef for lucifer, all these demons I'm feeding.

This might be contagious, please stop reading.

While depth is added to my humanity, my individuality withers.

The parts of life I despise most, are just mirrors.

Our politicians only repeat what we yearn to hear.

Man correctly imagined the economy, then incorrectly imagined he could steer.

I guess, pandora boxes were never designed to be closed.

How could we with 8 billion? humans can’t be controlled.

To hate the music is to hate the consumers I love so dearly.

To run from technology is to flee from those I want near me.

I love people, breath, and life. I hate how we do It.

We all in stand in front of a mirror, unable to see through It.

I'm quiet because I want to say so much.
I feel, I mean I wish, nevermind, I might say to much.
I guess because of you I understand those songs
Those lyrics, the captions, those poems.
Now I'm the one writing, these aren't Just poems.
I'm true to you, I'm true to these words.
I'm screaming in silence, who needs words?