I will never have the words to say
How proud of you I am
I know the pain
The anger
The confusion
That the long old road
To recovery takes you through

I know the sleepless nights
The tears of frustration
The sick feeling in your stomach
And the constant pounding head
That comes with the withdrawal

Meds designed to see you through
All the pain and fear you feel
Once taken away
You get washed back out to sea
No life raft left
Just got to trust you are ready
To face the crashing waves

And you will hold steady
It make take some time
And you may falter
But you can do this
I believe in you

Withdrawal will end
You'll come out the other side
You’ll feel ok again
It just takes a little while
But I’m here for you
Every step of the way
Recovery is tough
And it’s not a straight line
But together we can get you through it

Please believe me
You are going to be
Just fine.

It’s funny,
I’ve tread the boards before .
Yet somehow,
The stages feel very different.

The funny thing about grief
Is the brittle nature
Of the acts you battle through,
Back and forth,
Round and round.

Denial is my personal favourite
Because for that time,
Nothing is real.
Within the eye of the storm
You feel almost safe somehow,
And yet,
Before long
Anger bubbles.

Effervescent rage takes over,
And screaming, shouting, swearing at the world
Is the only course of recompense.
For everything is wrong,
Everything is pain,
And it sears white hot
Through all doubt.
But
It only lasts for so long,
So you beg,

You bargain for some peace;
Some change of circumstance,
Some hope.
Anything you have to offer,
Everything in fact.
For you are tired,
So very tired,
And the unfairness of it all
Weighs heavy on your heart.

So heavy depression creeps in
And as you lie awake at night,
The black dog crushing your chest,
You question everything.
How you could ever hope
To pull through this cloud?
You question,
If you could ever see the sun again?

They are painful
Whirling round and round
Flipping back and forth
Replaying the scenes
Painful and necessary
For the grief appears
For many reasons

And a knife in the back;
The heartache that follows,
Is kin to this storm.
I know there is one more act to play
But I haven’t learnt my lines
I’m not ready for opening night

I have no acceptance yet.

Dear You,

How was today?
I heard you struggled.
I heard everything you screamed.
I heard the lump in your throat.
I saw your heart on your sleeve,
The tears in your eyes,
As reality hit you square in the face.

I have to tell you
It's going to be ok.
Those people
Who tear you down,
Who attack you at your weakest,
They aren't your fault,
You are not to blame.

I promise you now,
As I live and breathe,
You can be more than this,
You can be more than me.

Take a deep breath.
Lift your head.
This game isn't over yet.
You have only just begun.
You were never a quitter
So why quit now
You can't let them hold you down.

You will learn
To believe in yourself again
To see the dreams you hold
Play out for all to see
You'll prove them wrong
And be the best you can be.

This darkness cannot hold you forever
This too will end
And you will see the sun
Light up your life again.
I know you have it in you
To bring yourself back from the brink
I'm here
Hand outstretched to pull you in.

Don't give up
You are better than this.
Just watch
You will see.

With love and hugs
Yours sincerely
Me
***

Fairytales are for children.
You know this
Brutal cautionary fables
Or beautiful magical lies alike
They are for children
And it’s time for you to wake up

You're late, You're late
It's an important date
The world is falling apart
But update your status
Smile and laugh
Share your dreams
Like glitter bombs
In everyone’s face
Because in a world of 7 billion plus
It always has been
Always will be
About you

It’s ok though
Hush little one
Yes the world’s not fair
And you know what
It never will be
The world doesn’t spin to the Disney songs
That for the longest time
Have promised you
That one day your prince will come

The world has changed
It’s dark and cold
You are a grown up now
There is no more protecting you
From the realities of the life
You decided to choose

And people don’t change
Not really
Because deep down
Beyond everything
We are driven by this need to survive
Well
Mostly
And the path of least resistance
Is the one people will take
So if they know a path well
They will keep walking it

And no matter how many times
We prescribe to take the path
Less travelled by
Ultimately
We make our way home

You need to put your feet back on the ground
Get your head out of the clouds
And learn how to own your ****

Because fairytales are for children
Life doesn’t play out like the movies
And ultimately
I’m done carrying your baggage
So you can flounce around like it doesn’t exist

You aren’t a princess
This world is all there is
Prepare yourself for it.