it doesn't matter what I have through the day if I feel alone in the end

I have been told my smile is gorgeous
breathtaking
beautiful
so many things
want to know my secret?
be happy
the key to a beautiful smile is a happy smile
sometimes you are not going to be feeling happy
and that is okay
but it shows that every time you smile
you are not going to let a bad day, ruin your happiness...
where ever it may be...
so smile
show the world your smile
your beautiful smile
your strong smile
your happy smile
you

have you just ever looked up at the starry night. watch the darkness take over, but watch the twinkling lights glaze over at you. let your mind relax but think. think about how not okay you are . as you blast the music in your ear, hearing every. single. word .and break down, with the comfort of nobody but the twinkling lights in the dark sky.

Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down