November comes
with the wild geese
in their V like memories
of an arrow flying
too close to the sun
and their feathers shining
as their wings beat as one
drum in the distance
signaling that winter
is coming, and the cold
days will keep us inside
warmed by the fires we crave
deep in our caves painting
and dreaming away.

I know you cannot have it all in life
I know there will always be a void unfulfilled
But I want to follow the voice inside

I am constantly feeling this way
Constantly feeling the void
I have an insatiable desire to reach perfection
Perfection in my reflection
Has it make my flaws magnified?
Forcing me only to focus on my distortions
And not seeing my abilities

I want to listen to my heart
For it is my truest self
It is telling me something my mind cannot hear
I want to see my name on the bookshelf
Engraved with ice and fire  for it will never disappear

I want to write, draw, color
Use my hand as my tool
Speak the words of my mind and my soul
Touch and bring the spirits to my whirlpool

I want something bigger than me
Although I am not small
My mind is wider than me
It is full with words and ideas coming and going at a rapid pace
Craving more and more of wisdom knowledge and inspiration

You know what my mind is telling me right now
Peace
From within and around
Lift
My spirit from aboveground
Rest
My body through meditation and prayers

These days I feel like I am living outside my body
Spying myself from afar fearing to be seen
Hiding behind the trees into the wildest parody
Watching myself while feeling a little spleen

I want everything to stop just so I can process
The world is running at a rhythm i cannot follow
I want to create a big-bang easy to digest
I want my work to resonate in the darkest shadow
And then the earth can spin again at her own pace

I'm allowing myself to enter into this new discovery
Bringing my heart and mind to recovery
Let them go to the places I dared not stay
Speak the words I ignored to say
Tell the truth of my quest
Give it to the world as my bequest
And then put myself at rest

"And when I'm done no matter where I've been
I'll yearn to do it all again" - from The Eternal Lament by 2Pac

I see a man who still dreams
And a man who aspires to be better than the man he was the day before
So Ambitious Man, how are you?
A mentally strong being who is the voice for others
That only he can gather the ears of his sisters & brothers
The power is within him but that ambitious man can not see
Because those small failures that set him back
Have him to believe he's weak
But ambitious man, can't you see?
The drive that you possess is what defines you as a king
And a king is a unique male being that many men desire to be
But lack the ambition and productivity that you so effortlessly own
In result, you are a king that sits upon the throne
So Ambitious Man, how are you now?
Knowing that your ambition & your drive is what won you the crown.

I don't remember how to be with someone now.
I remember it was nice.
But today...
I wouldn't know how to share a bed.
How to wrap someone in my arms.
I wouldn't know how to fit my hand into another.
I've forgotten why I miss her.
I remember it was warm, and safe, and happy
But I don't remember how.
I remember our naked bodies used to fit together like halves
Every curve of hers in every valley of mine,
I remember her skin on my skin made us both something new...
But I don't remember how that felt to me.
Why it was so special, so spiritual, so necessary.
I don't remember how to listen to the slow breaths of another person in the early hours of the morning.
I don't remember how to walk down a street hand in hand
Or kiss good night
Or truly look into the eyes of someone else and see the soul inside.
I've forgotten.
It...went.
So quickly.
And now I am in bed alone and I am not sad, or lonely, or angry.
I am just bewildered
That I don't remember how it feels to love someone.

It will always hurt,
the pain will never go away.

But.
Knowing what is known now,
Knowing the hope given for the future,
replaces some of the hurt, with hope.

Memories are never to be forgotten,
yet the past is the past.

Dwelling on what can't be changed,
hinders the continuation of life.

Picking up the baggage will take some time.
Moving on all together will still be the hardest thing to accomplish.

But when the final bag is put on the truck,
and all that has to be done is to drive away,
I will smile, reach over to the dial, and turn on the car radio.

As I pull out of the driveway, the radio will be at its highest,
because looking back, I'll be able to say,
That the music had never faded away.