I'm suffocating
I'm frantically searching for something to give me air
To save me
But nothing works.
I look around me and I see people going about their business
As if they're not aware they're all underwater.
How is it they're breathing?
Are their lungs not filled, are their throats not burning on fire?
Where do they find time to smile?
Why aren't they struggling against the depths to reach the surface
Where solace may or may not lie
I scream at them, and the bubbles cloud my face
I'm flailing my arms about for their attention
But no one turns their head
They just keep walking underwater

She screams in all lower case
In an indifferent monotonous voice
Like life has drained all that was once good from her
And it all went down the drain in a crimson swirl

Something inside has died
Like her soul's numbered days are up and her heart hasn't got with the program yet
It still strives on in strenuous trudges

Her are lungs caked in blackened purpose from inhaling death 20,000 times a day
And taking a perpetually tired drag on the night  
Her eyes reflect the moon in the daytime as they pierce through the implemented reality.
The true reality is parasitic and will eat away at you and infect your mind
Only those with the eyes of the moon can see through the masking light
Beware of them, for they have lives encased in shadows.

It wasn't the fear of failure that sent me plunging into the pool of electric currents, it was act of failing.

I go into everything with a "**** it" attitude, with low expectations so I'm never disappointed,

But when things start spiraling down my immediate thought is to abandon ship.

If there's a chance I'm going to hit rock bottom, I want to get there on my own terms, before anything has a chance to drag me down.

Failed a class? Might as well drop out

Had some ice cream while on a diet? Might as well eat the whole tub

About to get pushed onto thin ice? Might as well start jumping til it cracks

If something is going to go, I need it to either go all wrong or all wrong

I don't like any of my works

I
can't breathe.
Every *inhale sends burning acid to my
lungs
The water drowns me and pulls me down
And I'm falling deeper

The only moments where every breath
doesn't feel like I'm swallowing fire
Are when I sing along to the music that
delivers my soul
I can hear it through the waves, distorted
I scream out the words in a gurgle but for
that moment it's *less like I'm drowning
and more like I'm treading water
I breathe out the words which bubble in
front of my face
I feel lighter and more vulnerable
Any moment someone could turn off the
stereo
Or the Sirens could change their timeless
mythology
And I'd be left to sink once again
Even so, I can't stop singing along for
these songs are my lifesaver giving me a lifeline in a life of waterlogged lungs
And every line, verse, and chorus I'm
rising to break the surface

I knew what I was last year
I was depressed
I was highly suicidal
I self harmed
But now I'm just...broken
Just hobbling through life with a limp leg
All the cuts of war have dried
And the battle field lay vacant with languor
I've made it to the other side by myself with nothing but my hands while the enemies came loaded with amo and chemical warfare
But now that I'm here, there's no oasis
There's no recovery retreat
There's just emptiness
The other side is just a drop off into oblivion
Maybe I haven't recovered.
Maybe this is just another level in the same Hell.

I look at the clock and somehow 3:28 a.m. spells out your name