I OFTEN FIND MYSELF WONDERING IF YOU EVER WONDER ABOUT ME TOO AND WHETHER I'M DOING OKAY, BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME I VERY SELDOM CROSS YOUR MIND BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE WITH HER AND WHO THE HELL WOULD THINK OF ME WHILE LOOKING AT HER?

He smokes all those ******* cigarettes.
All of them every ******* day
I don't know what makes him think he can smoke the sadness away
But boy, does he try,
He tries so **** hard.

He tries to blind his demons by fogging his mind
He comes to me high, saying he can't feel a thing
And I say I know what you mean, boy, I know what you mean
But you can't chase away the pain with drugs and a drink
He doesn't always need to be so tough
I wonder if I could make him forget
I wonder if my love could be enough

How can something so broken make me feel so beautiful?
He takes a party mix of pharmacuticals, he's ready to self destruct
Balancing between living and dying I've never seen someone more on the cusp
God, how I wish I could make him happy
I wonder if my love could be enough

But I'm just part of his problem
******* up his emotions even more than they were
It's like setting fire to a train wreck and I'm the instigator
Putting my flames to his propane, maybe a raging fire is the cure

He tells me he needs some space
So I back up a considerable amount and yell if it's enough
But he just whispers back
You'll never be able to fix me
It can't be done
I'm too far gone
Nothing can fix me, not even love

and I finally had my answer

Eat till you're sick
Just as a big ******* to this *****
This ***** inside my head
Who won't stop until I'm dead
She puts tape over my mouth
And a scale under my feet
Then the worst part is, she'll make you believe without a doubt
That she's doing you a good deed
Like she's doing this for you
But what she really does in fact
Is take your whole life and refuse to give it back
And just when you think you have a reprieve
Like you've actually escaped her spiny clutches
She yell at you that she'll never leave
And about how you've lost your muchness
Then you'll eat a little something
Just to show her who's boss
But then something turns to nothing
And you're obsessed by how much you've lost
This ***** will whisper snide comments at you all throughout the day
Pounding away at your self confidence so all that's left is self-hate
A high residual between who you are and who you ought to be and how the only thing standing in your way is all these ******* calories
She'll make you turn on things you once loved
Till food becomes the enemy and she turns you into something that only she loves
She'll tell you lots of things to get you seeing bones
But what she won't tell you is that her methods are never condoned
What she won't tell you is how she paints on your mirror at night
That way you see what she wants and not what's right
What she won't tell you is that she's just a scared little *****
Who's not even real
No, that ***** won't tell you that it's okay to have a meal

I feel like there should be a great poem spawning from this blatant attack on my heart
With linguistic tips and turns coinciding with my emotion
But that's just it.
There is none.
You have drained every last ounce of feeling from my body
So, naturally, when you made a big and public spectacle of how you desire her
I stood there stone-faced, frozen in stoical silence
The perfect poker face, you'll never catch my bluff
I saw that glance in my direction and smiled in return
That classic fake smile that never meets my dead eyes like a forged signature on an oath that avers everything's all right

That was my smile.
A little uneven, a lot of perfect.
That was mine. And you gave it to her.
**You really ought to stop giving away my things.