I want someone to walk into my life and save me from drowning. Because honestly I don't know how to swim.

a pair of
butterfly wings
then
a ripple
on a pond
when
i
look
inside of
my
own reflection
the
reflection of me

There's an old joke that goes,

"The Sun sees the earth and asks,

'How is it that she shines so?'

"

Family comes before all else is what we’re often taught
For better or worse, good or bad, whether we like it or not
And oftentimes that works out fine; wonderful memories are  made
Parties planned, births announced, celebrations before recollections fade

Laughter, tears, and lessons learned mostly seem to rule the day
But somehow one relative always seems to lose his way
Hides behind a wall of reasons, each just truthful enough to deflect
School started, kids are busy, work’s a *****, how many excuses will he collect?

I understand life’s various roles can throw us all for a loop
But that’s why times like these are so important to regroup
A second wife we barely know, two kids we’ve barely seen
Who knows what their definition of family will eventually come to mean?

The choices made are his alone; I honestly don’t care
Invitations keep being offered, but appearances are beyond rare
Weddings missed, funerals and wakes barely attended
But we all expect it now, and no one gets offended

When calls or visits do come, he acts as though no time has passed
People never buy it, although polite laughs come fast
I just don’t get why so much time and care is being given to a guy
Who clearly doesn’t give a ****, and I am DONE wondering why

Longtime friends understand me more than he could ever claim
For they stayed and listened when the good times and storms came
You see, family is only a small percentage about bloodline and relation
Mostly it’s people we WANT in our lives, and I am feeling true appreciation!

How do I anticipate a love like ours.
When you've become my morning sunshine.
And you've molded my desire irrevocably.
How do you spread me so thin and build me up all at once?
How do you see the pauses between my heart beat and know what it needs before I?
If the essence of life is to love and be loved. Then perhaps we are rewriting it from the beginning in our own image.
You are somewhere beyond the limits of extraordinary.
That place just before your smile becomes a laugh.

How do you describe and appreciate something that can't be measured only observed.

In our cataclysm of hearts.

the girl with the too-small hands
and the too-small shoes
carried around a too-big heart
that cried for everyone
but herself
laughed with everyone
but herself
and loved everyone
but herself

spliff blazing, room hazing
eyes fading, legs failing
arms flailing, mind derailing

but darkling
you, darling

are a clarity,
a singularity
in this 4am city

Last night I read about a woman who purged herself to death.
We shared the same birthday,
the same habits.
Sometimes I wake up in disgust with these bones.
Other times, in narcissistic bliss with these bones.
Then there are those perpetual evenings,
when I whisper threats disguised as mantras to these bones
I want my obituary to say
that I loved this delicate framework of calcium & collagen.
When I'm 91 and the only thing I've expulsed myself of
is the need to perfect these bones.