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1.6k · Aug 2018
Brief constancy
AntiFemale Aug 2018
The rise and fall of your chest
Is a fluctuation that puts me to rest .
I’m at ease when you breathe .

Your body is a temple
And I’m tempted to yank at every angle
I want to birth sin in this home.
The art of constancy in change .
A persistent fluctuation.
649 · Jul 2018
Myrror.
AntiFemale Jul 2018
Merit to the broken and battered bodies
That are home to beautifully crafted souls .
The cracks in vessels that are refuge to
Spirits that long to see the light behind
unfamiliar mosaics .
Concealed yet revealed , you know ?
400 · Oct 2018
A LETTER OF THANKS.
AntiFemale Oct 2018
I don’t like being broken .
To be deconstructed and made into metaphors .
To be compared to the pretty things I simply can’t be for myself .
To sound like the waves of the oceans but exist only as a ripple in a random puddle .
To look like an early bloomer in a field of sunflowers but exist only as a dead seed .
But listen to me world , I may be **** .
I may be destruction bound to plead for nothing but attention .
I am bountiful in my presence yet lack so much affection .
I spread . Fields and fields of disregard .
I am unwanted . I am undesired . A penniless card .

But I am something .
And some things are beautiful.
Taking time to notice . Just notice .
290 · Apr 2018
Monument to the motions .
AntiFemale Apr 2018
You imprint your warm breath
On the edges of my neck ,
And like black soldiers rising in resilience
My skin forms goosebumps that trickle down in a pattern of frustration.
Like little obstacles placed to challenge your lustrous desire to taste me .
I am a textured canvas .
These dots are not there to map my body .
Not for your navigation .
Not for you to find pieces of me as if I had abandoned them.
Lost .
Find yourself.
Move swiftly along this artwork
like the sway of my hips captive in
Your arms.

Feel.
283 · May 2018
Kumbaya
AntiFemale May 2018
Dear Dad.

I’ve never learnt to like you .
Like a kid who took Commerce and
Found herself doing a Physics course.
And pain physically courses through my veins
Cause you and I have no chemistry.
And there’s no science behind
Your lack of affection
It affects me .
Dad, I’ve never learnt to like you .

Dear Dad.

You’ve been around my whole life and
All we’ve ever played is hide and seek .
Like it’s some kind of sick game and
I’m tired of being the seeker.
See I’m still trying to find you
Cause you’re so absent in your presence.
Counting up to my age to remind myself that
Each year , I still seek .
As if I wasn’t the one who was
Lost .
As if I wasn’t the one who was
Hiding.

Dear Dad.

I am in pain.
It’s as though you’ve cut me off and it
Literally cuts me deeply .
Like you’re the blood that leaves my body
Whenever I’m hurting and you never ooze
Long to say goodbye.
Helplessly dripping.
Leaving emotional stains in the home you’ve
Left .
Until you dry up and demand to be
Cleaned up .

Dear Dad.

This is your daughter speaking .
And if I could make you understand I wouldn’t
Be attempting again.
I’d do a live show with you alone as the
Audience.
And I’d hope you clap so loud that your
Essence would echo .
So the vibrations would be enough to
Silence my sorrow.

Dear Dad.

I’m not your biggest fan .
But I think love you .
And I hope you do too .
282 · Sep 2018
Rebuilding grammar
AntiFemale Sep 2018
My body was once a
TEMPLE.
Semantic memories fade like
MISCONSTRUCTED.
sentences
Too many commas
Too many expressions
PAUSED.
Yet they go on and on

Full stops where
EMPTY.
promises should have been
Upper case convictions for lower case hearts
Filling gaps and leaving no space to breathe
CONFINED.
by suffocating vocabularies
UNFORGIVABLE.
utterances lingering on.

My body was once a temple .
My body was once bold .
Learning to realize the impurities that pierce the temple that I supposedly embody. It’s insane how significant a role the coexistence of good and bad play in painting the beauty of life .
264 · Nov 2018
Alive.
AntiFemale Nov 2018
My heart beats aren’t instrumental .
They’re painful .
And there’s no rhythm to remedy
the wreck that I am .
Every lub-dub is an alarm clock
waking me up to my reality.
A reminder that I’m still
broken .
That I’m still inhaling what kills me .
Staring into the darkness and hoping to see the moon again has been a constant routine. It’s beautiful, really . However waking up everyday with no more knowledge than the previous day has also presented itself as a familiar face and it aches me to think that on some days,  I’m okay with that .
259 · Feb 2018
Birthing the unborn.
AntiFemale Feb 2018
And so silence was my middle name.
Unabridged.
Alphabet hammered ,bruised and battered.
Letters chiseled to perfection with only a tinge of willingness.

For the brief chance I had to a whiff of fresh air ;the fresh air that briskly made love to the reality of my circumstance, I was willing .
Willing to endure what had tested me with no memorandum inked to attest to my hardships .

Til the very same fog that danced around the uncertain rhythms of my life, stagnated .
Still.
Stood anxiously awaiting a staggering movement from me .
Still.
A haze I never wished to intensify .
A blur that clogged the oceans of my eyes sailed by amateur emotions that were bound by unruly currents.
I found myself drowning all over again.
Gasping for that fresh air all over again . Holding on to that willingness all over again .

And then I suffocated .
Wriggled in my own imperfections.
Oxygen no longer felt like an element that gave me life .
Period.
It cringed in the air and allowed me to breathe in it’s uncertainty.
Breathe in it’s discomfort and displacement.
Still leaning left to right ,still attempting to comprehend where I stand because with a table of rusty , polluted contents , a girl like me could never be in her element.

Until silence was my middle name.
Birthed in the aftermath.
Words no longer strong enough to carry the emotion I filled them with .
No longer prepared to sway with heaviness .Unbalanced because I was stripped of a beauty that I created for myself and was left to feel less than nothing .

Allow me to reintroduce myself.
Silence is the name.
Daughter to Fear and adopted by Contentment.

Silence is the name.
Cousin to anxiety and befriended by Peace.

Still ,my name is silence .
And silence is still my name .
230 · Jul 2018
Mental Diet
AntiFemale Jul 2018
Sifted blends of bitter beauty
Removing fabricated purities of divine roots
Infertile seeds moulded into concoctions
Of casketed cruelties
Motions melting into stagnant figures .
Outnumbered by the numbness of silence .
210 · Jun 2018
Bodied.
AntiFemale Jun 2018
She was an incomplete metamorphosis.
A stagnant force of change .
Internal moulds of discovery
Foreign to her essence shed
Like slithering frames of ancient
Bodies.
189 · Feb 2018
Blended.
AntiFemale Feb 2018
You fed off my enegy
and savoured the very depths of my existence

When I was too bland ,
You used the salt from the wells of my eyes
To sprinkle flavour upon my lack .

Until you coiled me in transgression and left me to spiral into a beautiful concoction.

i am blended by your lust .
Kreations.

— The End —