You are you and I am me
But it all gets blurry and I can't see
You are the greatest part of me
Why do I have to separate can't I feed from your tree?
But your fruit runs out
and I am drained
and I am left alone
you are to blame

SELF SABOTAGE
Excuse me for I have sinned.
Read the rules in a book is what they told me.
Who made these rules
Who was HE?
Stay in the box or else they will scold me.
Be safe, be responsible, keep your head in the sand.
But I am an eagle you cannot keep me on land.
I cannot sleep my wild dreams have turned into my reality.
for I am consciously sabotaging the old me.

I want to love you but you are
A *** of boiling water
If only I can put the heat setting down
I can get around
To being connected to you
Im touching the handles without a glove
This can’t be love
You say it for my best
Is this a test?
How good is she
How good can my daughter be
She is a reflection of me
I can’t even see
She is broken imperfect I have to fix her
What if its all an illusion
I am right here
Perfect human specimen
Worthy of existing
Just as I am
Take your glasses off
They are ***** and old
Tell me everything will be okay
I am the strongest woman you ever knew
Capable beautiful and a proud reflection of you

I wish it was real
Someone who gets me
So effortlessly
Who reads into my soul
And feels every insecurity
And accepts the real me
**** hot
I like you a lot
Smart sass
What a great ***
You are deep and complex
Not like the others
Let’s go away
To a different time
I’ll explore
You be my *****
With the brains of more
Let me learn
Intrigue
Show you parts of this world
You never saw before
My view
Question everything true
I’ll show you
The truth
Let me take your hand
To never never land
Where it is just us
Ruffle your feathers stop being so square
Get out of your head
I want you to share
The deepest parts of you
Your desires
I promise I’ll make them true
My safety net
Let’s explore your pleasure
I promise I won’t hurt you
Never

When I think of you my lips curl up into a smile
When I think of you I get that tingle down there for a while
Going about my day
Pushing it away
But you are THERE.
The thing that makes this life worth living
The thing that leaves my heart singing
Your eyes can melt every problem there is
Your words can take the pain away
Please dont ever go away
I want you to stay
and stay
and stay

An interesting level of consciousness
To break in this anatomy
If you don’t go through brokenness
You are a simple dichotomy
So wreck me to my core
To spill these guts out
And take my wounds mix them
With salt, pepper, lemon
Make a salad of dreams
That you take a bite out of
And spit out because it is not the right mix of flavor
Wrong
Who are you to say I am wrong
This was not made for you
This was made for me
It is a delicacy
That you will never understand
As long as I am on the ground
But once I am gone
You will long for my flavor

Mommy stop playing on your phone
I’m home
Pay attention to me
And us three
Can’t you see?
The mommy we need you to be
From the outside
You look zombified!
Are you even alive?

They taught me
Don’t look away
Something new will pop up
If you just stay

This little box
Toss it over a bridge
Let me go back and relive
All those moments you stole from me
How life would have gone differently

In billions of situations
In this moment here
I would have held a pen
Instead of tapping on glass to no end

I can’t feel your intention
Through your profile ****** expression
Just left with an emoji
Where your laughter would be

It’s dizzying to think
So I’d rather not
So many lives
Would have a different plot

If the notifications didn’t ping
And you didn’t miss that thing
And likes didn’t fill you up
You would have to go out and actually put water in your cup

My friends are busy posting
Pictures of “life”
My husbands business contacts
Need immediate response to strife

And I am left here all alone
I fell in fake love
With my phone

Boom boom
There goes my heart again
Alerting me to possible fear
Run run run you can get hurt
Trust me I’ve been here
It protects me from possible pain
And possible danger
But is it real or just made up
I can’t see through all this anger
What if you were not here
What else could I accomplish
I could be a poet
I could run the world
I could be an authentic kind of girl
But you keep me safe and well
I am comfortable here in my turtle shell

Dont change I dont like it
Stay just as you are
I like when I own you
Dont raise the bar
Stay I am comfortable
Stay I am in control
Everything is perfect
Dont break the mold

**** all of your rules
**** all of your stability
I want to run
And face the other parts of me

Freedom is here
Freedom at last
My future is mine and
the old me is the past.

You are like a worm
That fills holes in the dirt
And nestles and contorts yourself to fit in the space.
You find more holes or make them
And go deeper into your fitting
And season after season
Your body grows, warm
In these spaces, filling the earth as you go
Hundreds are filled with your presence

But then one day spring comes
And you want to be outside
So you slither out
To see what the fun is all about
And all the holes become exposed

You are not there to fill the space anymore
These holes are empty, raw, dependency
You vanished without a care
For the earth you tended to
And filled so fully

The soil formed to your body
Can’t you see?
And you just left so violently

The rain will come and fill them with water,
Muddy, messy, but will dry again

And the earth will long for you
Until seeds are placed one by one in each hole
It will feel strange, a foreign body
You are not what I am used to

Roots will grow
Planted so deep
Flowers bloom from these spaces
Hundreds

Spring was never a retreat
They loved the soils heat
And the worms came back to eat,
And to view the magical feat

The tempo of the city was going at a nine
But I was at a three
I was not used to listening so intently
to my aching body

So I knew the time
was half past late
but time is a construct
that I didnt create

So I stumbled into starbucks
The drip that would get me laced
but standing in front of me
Was this unusual face

My body had the rush again
I felt this one before
You are out of place like me
I feel it in your core

3 seconds felt like an hour
As we stared with a stop
"Who are you"
Is the question that we both could not drop

"I am from Trinidad" he said
I just came here I am new
"I have been here forever,
but I feel just as out of place as you"

My city is not like here
My city we are free
(I really hope you stay this way
So beautiful and carefree)

He ran to me like a moth to a fire
I wonder what was his desire
To be heard to be seen
To **** me in between

I have no idea
But then he came
Please tell me more I need to know your name
In a different time I would make this about me
But I am left stricken by his beauty

There is nothing to do
There is nothing to see
It was a beautiful moment
And I might go back for some coffee.