Theres a tear in my heart
And it hurts like hell
I don't want you to see me
But the pain is real

I'm afraid for when you leave
Because I already feel disconnected
You ask me what I need
But nothing you say can help this

I want to stay in the moment
To feel through this together
I'm tracing the lines in your face
Because you are all I want to remember

At the edge of a cliff
My heart sprints like a bullet
My arms tremble impatiently
Waiting for my decision
Do I stay on solid ground
Where the illusion of safety is a blanket
Only faintly covering
The truth of impending doom?
Or do I dive into the unknown
Hoping to splash into water
And avoid the jagged land?

I am so confused.
When I'm near you, it's like my body, electrified, simply wants to collide with yours. Not even in a ****** way, I just want to hold your hand and to walk next to each other with our arms touching.

I had been staring at your hand for probably an hour and all I wanted to do was hold it.
And I knew that was okay because we talked about it,
but I was scared to try.

Yet, when our hands collided, it was pure explosions across my entire body and you felt like home. We were together for hours and it felt like mere minutes.

Your voice and your laugh and your smile are amazing and I would do a lot for that.

It's driving me crazy that it's all in my head
And then I wonder if it really is all in my head
and if I am just that broken

Your hand in mine,
I feel grounded
When I'm with you
The stress melts away
My body on yours is electric
Both exciting and calming you say
It still feels so inconceivable
That we met and I've fallen
So hard for your gorgeous soul
Luck and the universe were good to me
Chance and coincidence my allys
And for being a part of your life
I'm grateful beyond words

Here, on my knees
I'm begging for answers
Gravel cuts into my flesh
Ripping right through me
The blood stained rubble
Loudly recalls my humanity
Tears made of dust and dirt
Are suspended indefinitely
I am alone in the darkness
Cold down through my bones
There are lights in the distance
A million roads lay before me
But I can't tell what's real
From all the illusions

There's a part of my soul
That exists on an alternate timeline
One where
I didn't leave you
One where
I learned to grow before running away
Before leaving us to burn behind me
An alternate universe where we grew older
Grew closer
Changed and struggled together
And also survived and thrived
That part of my soul
Lives deep inside me somewhere
That hidden piece of myself
Still loves you

I'm walking to therapy
The sun is hot on my black clothing
I feel calm as i let my mind wander
I wonder what I'll talk about today
I could discuss my relationship
Since its been a bit rocky lately
Or I could talk about harder stuff
Like you
I could talk about you

Just the thought dries my lungs out
Takes my breath away from me again
You're always doing that
The buildings around me feel taller now
More suffocating, closing in around me
And the office, I can see is just 2 blocks down,
Suddenly stretches like a band
Pulling further away from me
With a tension that makes me dizzy
Its like im walking down a tunnel and
The soles of my shoes feel like boulders
Weighing me down, throwing off my balance
I don't want to get there now
I no longer feel real
Thoughts of you change everything
I don't want to talk about you
And that's exactly why I need to