The mind of that girl is a pain sanctuary
whose aching decreases due to a world that's imaginary.

From home she goes out to get away,
and all those nights in stranges she relies.

The soft morning breeze
tenderly dries the tears in her cheeks,
and childishly it peeks
through her bloodshot eyes looking for a trace of peace.

Nobody could really tell
if she, bones and flesh, is still alive
or if she's just a wanderer ghost.
Probably the only one of her kind.

The dark circles under her eyes
are a proof of the restless crying nights.

The tangled auburn messed up hair
tells she didn't sleep at home, but no one cares.

Picking up flowers on the way back home,
humming songs that once made her feel whole.
She rests for a few hours and once awake she grabs a pen,
she writes down a poem before she gets drunk again.

Somehow she finds calm
in the simple things of life,
and she tries not to think
about the coldness in her eyes.

Barely getting through, day by day,
trying not to be absorbed by all the grey.

Amassing countless heartbeats
to the final point where life she quits.

I didn't choose you at twelve
I was broken but pretended you made me whole
In a way you did, yes
But it was not enouugh, my fears got the best of me
not knowing it was you it took
I didn't choose you at thirteen
I was self centered
I had made myself believe I deserved someone more spontaneous, unboring to make me feel alive
But I didn't know it was constant I needed to make me feel safe
I didn't choose you at fourteen
I wanted someone new, I was busy with friends
I said you would only keep me down
But you were the one who's always kept me on my feet
I didn't choose you at fifteen
I was scared
You had enough of me now,
But you still made me feel important
You kept your distance when we were sixteen
You liked someone else
Suddenly the world was yours
And nothing was mine

At twenty one we saw each other
for the very first time
I witnessed someone I loved for 10 years walk away
And I still didn't choose you
But I knew now,
At twelve I loved you because you were my friend who drove away my fears
At thirteen I loved you because you made me feel the center of your universe
At fourteen I loved you because you were the constant thing keeping me alive
At fifteen I loved you because you respected me enough to stop pursuing me
At sixteen I loved you because you were still my friend even after all
At twenty one I loved you, I love you still, I love you always
But I didn't choose you now
Because now
you're not choosing me

(M.E.G)

For the longest time
We were just the sun
And the moon
You producing endless light
And me reflecting it back
But then I realized
That maybe it’s not so great
Just being a dark rock
Only enlightened by you
Maybe I didn’t want to be the moon
Well maybe I want to be a star
Making my own light

if i didn't care
this whole thing would be easy
i'd be cool, detached, and distant
and we could so easily be coexistent

if i didn't care
trying to talk about my feelings
wouldn't leave me nauseated
and losing you wouldn't have felt like a limb being amputated

if i didn't care
i wouldn't keep trying so hard to make my heart colder
only to find myself once again crying in your arms, on your shoulder

if i didn't care
i wouldn't look at you like i still do
letting you see it in my eyes
how much i still love you

if i didn't care
this whole thing would be easy
if i didn't care
but i do

your heart is full of lies
you go to your church every Sunday
sing your hymns
and give your tithes
then promptly
complain and gossip after the service

you fail to seek God whom you do not know
and instead bow to your various idols
your life is muddled
you grasp for answers
that are just beyond surrender

I once sought comfort from your company
but my useful habits are only corrupted
the more time I spend at church
I'm seeking the love of Jesus here
but I can't find it in anyone's hearts
no one seems to truly care

some churches preach prosperity,
others brim and firestone
they seek to do good deeds
but with ill intentions
it's merely a choreographed dance,
of rule-following,
of keeping up the appearances
but look beyond the facade and into their hearts
and you will be saddened and surprised
here you are the outsider
in a church founded on lies

and all you really wanted
was to be lovingly embraced
by a Jesus following community
but all you found at church
was religious futility.