I have a Sad Song
I've memorized the tune,

and although I
sometimes collapse inside
I am still always on my feet,

when I look around
the world is in
different shades

of all kinds of colors,
of all kinds of Utopias

flowering in their own uniqueness,

but they can't coexist

you can only choose
one Utopia to be truly devoted to,

one of where you can walk
the pathways of happiness
by memory, by heart,

I may think everyone
can be friends with me,
but time helped me finally realize
I wouldn't ever be a friend to them,

only people who are the same
who understand
can play the game,

and I think it makes me sad
there will never be a place
of where I truly belong,

never a place to call my home,
never any outstretched arms,
only places of where

I can share my Sad Song.

But I still stay,

cause you're the
only thing
I know.

So won't you take

oh,

won't you
take me home.

You can hold my hand,

and I can give you
my heart,

so won't you

look into
the depths of my soul

and languish in the dark,

And I'm still finding,

where I can belong

so won't you
find me,

an' know who I am.

And I still stay,

cause you're the
only thing
I know.

So won't you
take,

*oh,

won't you take me home.

when people find out that I'm depressed
they say they never would have guessed

that one so lively and so sweet
would slice through her skin in hushed defeat

they ask me "how does one so great
decide there's no happiness in her fate?"

to which I say, "where flowers grow
are any plucked before the tortured rose?"

You held me in the darkness.
We talked away the pain.
I sang the tune without the words,
And filled the sky with rain.

We danced among our manic storm,
Connected at the soul.
Shaking our heads to static thought
From men with hearts of coal.

Even in the stillest days,
An earthquake rests inside.
A rumbling, crumbling, mumbling mess
I thought I'd never hide.

And now I know I never will;
You've shown me the light.
No beauty from the brightest day
Can compare to the dark of night.

Thank you for existing,
For choosing just to be.
Since I'll be infinitely listing:
Thanks for loving me.

I’m in a vicious state of mind,
no siren calls to stem the putrid inferno
burning my mind to charcoal,
petrifying it to unblemished obsidian.
Words of love don’t reach me,
silly human endearments bore me,
touch me and I’ll slice your hands off.
It’s not good, they tell me.
But I will build my armory.
Until this warped, traitorous world
can be wrenched, twisted, hammered
back into hinges,
that I have complete control of.
Silence...
Finally

Testament of a panzer maiden

Lace my bones with threads
that will not break.
Inhale the breath of faith
between my lips.
Hold eternity with feathers
never to restrain.
I’m still mourning the dying sun,
terrified he’ll never rise again.
And even when the blue death
of twilight takes my hand.
I still turn around
to catch a glimpse of the light
that died.

Panic attack