you werent wrong to believe in love
you were just wrong to believe it had no teeth

I don’t want to die,
I want to cease to exist.
To never have been born
And never have lived
For my soul and body to disappear
For any memory of me to be gone
To dissolve into nothingness and
Never have been anything at all

what a sick coincidence
some cruel ******* joke
crafted by the god
he so desperately believes in


why would he want me
when he has two daughters
one he’s molding into everything
i refuse to become


the other still clings to his shadow
like it’ll keep her warm
telling me to be more forgiving
as if he ever earned a single ounce of grace


where was he when i needed a father
not a ghost with loud opinions


he disappeared
then returned
acting like he deserved applause for showing up late
to a life he walked out on


you don’t get to pick which parts of me you accept
and still try and call it love


i’m done pretending this day holds any weight
that it means anything more
than a simple *******


i made it without you
and that is the only thing
worth celebrating

my birthday falls on father’s day...
how poetic

for a man
who gave me life
but never showed me how to live it

and when he came back
he still wasn't really there

he doesn't like who i am
as if love should come with conditions

i learned how to raise myself
from the ruins they left behind

funny...
how father’s day reminds me more
of what i survived than what i celebrate

i don’t want to be invisible
but i don’t want to be seen
as anything less than broken

anything less than sick

when you shrink back
i pull in too
matching silence with silence
hunger with hunger

i measure myself
against the shape of you
against the quiet you carry

and anger rises
knowing you might be
more broken than me
knowing i could lose
this invisible race

i chase the sickness
not for their eyes
not for sympathy

but because if i’m not sick enough

then what am i

something small
something weak
something easy to forget

and that hurts
more than any wound

i am only real
when my pain
holds weight
when it matches
the shadow
you cast beside me

my brain
whispers knives

“leave now,”
it says,
“before they see
the cracks,
before you break
them too.”

it tells me
they’d be better off
without me
a storm
they don’t need
to weather.

and even when
i know it’s a lie,
even when
their arms
hold me
like i’m worth
something

the voice still screams,
and my mouth
itches
to spit poison,
to push them away
before they leave me.

i’m learning
to hold my tongue,
to hold my heart,
to quiet the noise
that tries to pull me under

but some days
i still feel
too broken
to stay.