Thank you father
You were never the man we needed you to be
But you did leave me this gun
In the shape of a bottle

Genetically manipulated to magnetically stick to any addiction within reach
This bottle is strong arm robbing me of reality
Creating blasphemous momentary relief of my pretty great life

I am presently attempting to place bottle caps on broken bottles
Trying to put spilled liquid back into my mangled mistakes
I never wanted to be like you father
But here we are

I exist in a space somewhere between complacency and sheer panic,
With the very tangible happiness just beyond my reach.
And as my fingers yearn, outstretched and writhing, my mind wonders why bother, let go.
The fact is:
Happiness, though it may be real, was never meant for me.

In the park there is a bench
Polished coffee metal planks
The inscription reads:
“In loving memory of Alan Seltman.”
And speaks its invitation
With arms wider than I can be
The tree buds are waking
And the breeze finds equilibrium
With the dimming sun’s kiss
I sit
If not for the grumbling of my feet
Or the fleeting picturesque
Then because Alan should be remembered
As one who always offered rest

I won the lottery last week. I played the mega millions with a jackpot of 60 million hoping 5 numbers could determine the rest of my life.

Where I live, a man won the lottery only 12 miles from me with a jackpot of 127 million dollars.

I try to fathom how that would feel. How I could take everyone I care about and give them anything they ever wanted.

People are talking about it days after and every time it is mentioned, its like glass shattering in my ears. How could someone be so lucky?

He will probably eat the best food and buy the nicest things. But thats all they will be is "things". The money will slowly push family and friends away.

He will no longer have to work, he will no longer have time for people that were there before. Because the money is all thats there.

Maybe I envy him. Or maybe i'm sorry for him. I'm not sure.

I won the lottery last week. I thought of all the things I could do and places I could go.

A 2 dollar winning lottery ticket made me realize that I won. We are all rich! In our own minds.

Our struggle is what makes our character. Our stories is the poetry of life. We win the lottery everyday, most of us just don't know how to spend it.

The pen said,
I can't cough anymore blood
And it died

if i was a leaf blower i'd wish you were a stationary bike
so we could be forgotten together in an unused garage

i want to be a candlestick holder if you're a dinette set
so we can dance close under the chandelier in the quiet foyer

i'll be an old stained t-shirt if you're a chest of drawers
and i'll slip inside and live in the back of your heart forever

if you're a tennis ball and i'm a chewed up shoe we can
hide from the dog in the dark under the sofa holding hands

but i am only a rooftop
that you won't lay on
you are a thousand stars
out of reach and too beautiful to
acknowledge
me