My heart
Is stitched together with your beautiful name
And for that
I'm so sorry

i am not passive
i do not fear the volume of my voice
i do not shake when i state my opinion
and i do not whimper when someone disagrees
i was not raised as a lady
but as a dragon
forged in fire and taught that
genius is ingrained inside the marrow of my bones
and there isn't a human alive that could take that from me
i do not sit back
and allow another to take from me
what is rightfully mine
i will fight with every fiber of my insides to remain whole and unbroken
i will not succumb and i will not falter
i am small
but i can move mountains

oh, i wanna be strong
and i wanna be right
and i hope all this **** wont
keep me up at night

and i wanna be tough
just want to be real
and i need to stop telling you
just how i feel

i wanna break free
from the chains on my wrists
and i wanna stand tall
be able to resist

and i wanna give up
and i still wanna fight
and i've got to stop writing
all day and all night

and i've got to keep strong
and i've got to stay real
and i've got to keep quiet
you know how i feel

cause my eyes they are bugging
my hands start to shake
and this ****** bottom lip
starts to quiver and quake

and i've got these demands
and they're too much for you
and i'm nothing but ashes
i can't follow through

and you ask me to dance
and you hold me so tight
and i've got to stop shaking
just put up a fight

and i know you're just busy
you've got too much to do
and i know i'm just me:
and i'm too much for you

and i've got to stay strong
to you i'm not real
and i've got to keeping fighting
you know how i feel

cause my eyes are too wide
and my heart is too fast
and i can't leave what has happened
in the ******* past

and i can't see the screen
and the words are all gone
and i can't take this anymore
i've got it all wrong

and my fingers are shaking
you know how i feel
and my heart is still breaking
i'll never be real

and it's too much to ask
too much for you
i'm just a reflection
with nothing to do

and the keys are all mixed up
the words are all gone
and i can't fight this feeling
i've got it all wrong

and i've got to stay strong
and just put up a fight
and stop feeling like my feet
can't hold me up right

and stop screaming in my sleep
like i'm four years old
and stop searching in caverns
like i'll find pure gold

and stop relying on words
that no one will hear
and stop screaming with silence
eyes brimming with tears

cause i know i'm not strong
and i know i'm not real
and i know you're at home
with no clue i how i feel

and i'm watching the people
the girls are all pretty
i'm inside my cage
in a maze of a city

and i just can't be tough
can't put up a fight
when nothing i ever do
goes any sort of right

and i sing to my mirror
and i hope i can hear
and i want you to hold me
strike away my fear

and i'm swaying to rhythm
that doesn't exist
and i'm nothing without
my dear suffering bliss

and my back is still breaking
my head is still numb
can you hear me up there?
i know it sounds dumb

we both packed up boxes
left our town behind
and are meeting new strangers
who are out of their minds

and i want to be skinny
i want perfect skin
and i want to wear dresses
i feel beautiful in

and i want to be strong
and i've got to be tough
and i need your strength
i'm sorry i'm not enough

i've got to stay fighting
i need to be real
come find me down here
cause you know how i feel

as i get older, i realize bonds are not as easily forged and the value of friendship increases astronomically
i realize how long it's been since i've been touched
and remember how i used to hug each and every one of my friends when i was younger
and now it's a wave, a quick nod of the head before briskly walking out the door, no looking back, no checking to see if everything is okay
i realize loneliness isn't saved for 2 am revelations
loneliness is saved in the mundane moments-
watching tv on the couch
wanting to tell someone how i feel, but not wanting to annoy anyone
trying to sleep in the middle of the day because there's nothing to look forward to and oblivion is better than the soul crushing disappointment
of loneliness

“I want the sun,
to rise in the east,
and set in the west,
I want to be the best,
at my worst,
I want to be the oceans,
and the land,
I want to be the skies,
and the birds,
and the relation is simple,
you see,
I want people to smile at me,
but not look me in the eyes,
I want people to talk to me,
but only with their mouths,
not hearts,
I want to adore the flowers,
on the sidewalk,
alone,
but sometimes,
I wish someone was beside me,
to tell me,
how there is still more beauty to come,
I want to be left alone,
yet I crave attention,
and it’s not as easy,
as it seems,
because solitude is a choice,
but the skies look so beautiful today,
friendship is a choice,
but the skies look beautiful today,
no sure certainty of tomorrow,
and as much as I want to be left alone,
I want this heart to beat for others too.”

maybe we don't just want to be special, or an exception
we want to be irreplacable
yet- days and weeks and years go by
and we are replaced.

Twist and turn
Lessons I've learned are burned
Into this fragile skin
And here I stand

One by one
Visible, done and done
Look deep into myself
Unable to see someone else

Run and fall
From reflections, build walls
Trying so hard to stall
But I always catch up with me

Twist and turn
All of these scars I've earned
All the stories still burn
And they are me and I am them