I never thought that
I’d be cursed
With such a darkness
that I feel now

The sun was always shining
in my child’s mind
but the darkness forced it out
slowly and painfully

So now I am stuck with
this darkest disease, unable
to find peace, unable to control
the monster sitting under my skin

I fear that it will eventually
destroy everything I am
before I can even
catch a final breath of air

see inside me
look into the ocean-green stained glass eyes
to find
what truly lies
at the core of me
is it darkness? or is it light?
is it gray, the middle in between
what is it that lies
at the core of me?

Anxiety gnaws at me,
and it’s hard to keep control.
I won’t let it drive you away.
I won’t let my fear
wrap chains around your wrists -
I have to let you breathe,
and maintain my own breathing
at the same time.

I can breathe,
I can control this.
I can keep us safe.

Everything is glowing like
Xmas, but there are no
Presents, there is only the
Looming cloud of death, hanging
Over us all, casting a gruesome
Shadow that no one can escape.
It reaches out a single hand, resting its fingers
On the earth. Suddenly,
N**othing exists anymore.

When the world caves in
And the sun fades to black
When the skies crumble to ash
And teardrops soak our skin
When the water is a poison
And more really is less
When a smile is a frown
And a scowl is a cheer
When everything turns upside down
You will find me
Standing straight and tall

Scratch the letters into the tree;
Our initials, with a “4ever” added on.
Graffiti love, public and permanent.
Anyone can see the marks,
which will never fade away.

The hungry men crowd around me,
eyes glistening as they gaze upon my skin;
But one pair of eyes stands out from the rest -
they glisten, too, but there's more than hunger.
I feel connected, protected,
like I'm not just being devoured.
I am being nurtured.

The hungry men moan and groan,
fingers brushing against my neck,
but I step away, towards one.
He is not an eager beast, he is a flower, too,
disguised by the shadows.
The moonlight hit him right to show
fangs and claws and an evil glow.
Take the darkness away, I see
a kinder man staring back at me.
He touches to feel, he feels more than just
the rush of nectar beneath my skin.

The hungry men growl behind my back, but
he is cautious, slow, gentle, warm -
his heart is not a pile of scar tissue.
There are just enough scars for him to understand
that love and hate go hand in hand.
He opens under my touch,
reveals what few people see.
Trust is a foundation,
and we build our castle.

I turn to tell the hungry men goodbye.

When I see my scars
lining your arm...
Baby, it scares me.
When I see my tear trails
not quite wiped from your cheeks...
Baby, it scares me.
When I see my pain
darkening your normally warm eyes...
Baby, it scares me.
When I see that you hurt,
just like me...
Baby, it scares me,
because I don't want to see you hurt.

black words with their black letters
s   u   g    l
  q   i    g      e    across the page

i t ‘ s  ha   rd  f  o   r me to rr e a d
i think my i’s are broken
my I’s are broken
my ie’s
my eyes my eyes i think my eyes are broken
and my head hurts
like the demons inside are
P O U N D I N G
a                       u ll screaming RELEASE MEEEEEE
g                    k                                                    
   a               s
       i nst my

thw ords ar brken
r my hed is brokn
or im brkn

i think
i need
some
s l e e p
z
z
  z
   z
     z
        z
           z
          z
       z
     z
   z
     z

To the one who sits in the dark,
takes a breath,
and prepares to run to Death:
Pause. Remember. See.
There is always someone outside,
in the light,
waiting to see your face again.
They will miss you if you run.

To the one who sits in the fluorescent light,
breathing to a soundtrack of steady beeps and blips:
Your clock is ticking faster, it's true,
but there is still a fight in you;
there is a fire fed by love.
You are not alone.

To the one who hides in bright sunshine,
who owns a blanket drenched in midnight sorrows:
Your heart was broken but you are still strong
You still love, and you breathe
And a mask can become a real face
if you let it.
Time does heal.

To those who are hurting, broken, lost, alone:
You can find relief
You can be fixed
You can find, or be found
You can meet anyone
and you can survive.
I believe in you.

A year ago, we lost a voice,
the voice of broken souls.
We lost a man
who gave his heart
again and again and again.
We lost a soul
who was fighting too many demons,
who refused to let darkness destroy him,

we lost a man who lost a war.

On July 20, we remember Chester Bennington,
whose voice has resonated with millions.
We hear the music and we cry,
we watch his antics and laugh with tears in our eyes.
We remember his kind heart and determination,
and carry that spirit in us with every warm gesture we make.

Rock in Peace, Chester. We miss you.

We all hate life so much,
but we're too scared to die
So we turn ourselves into ghosts instead.

Water
droplets
glistening in the sunlight
When the sun sets,
they’ll turn blood-red
When the moon comes up,
it’s silver they’ll shed
My memories slip down my cheeks,
And disappointment leaks
Out of the little red chasm
That’s formed in my skin
I express my insanity
With an unreasonable grin
Pay no mind
To this crazy little girl
Listen not to her ramblings,
Ignore the cracks in her skin
One day, she’ll simply break
And the world’ll be a better place
Ah, the voices,
There they are!
Whispering their little lies again
Gossipmongers wring their hands
Even they can’t spread words
Like my demons can
There’s just two things
To keep me sane
So that my life doesn’t simply wane
A kiss, warm and true,
Brings a flush back to my death-white cheeks,
And words scrawled down in the dead of night
Remind me of magic.

She is a vibrant being,
radiating color and life,
Until the tears start flowing,
and wash the color away.

Every night,
the words sit on my tongue.
Every night,
your kiss seals my lips.
Every night,
I keep my heart silent again.

Anger
building
and boiling
I want
to scream
Fury
that has no reason to invade
has taken over my brain

I just don’t want to participate today,
I’d rather disappear
So pull me into a storybook
With sad and worn lyrics soothing my lonely ears.
I am numb,
And that’s okay.

*This girl lies under sky-blue covers,
Eyes closed, ears full of her favorite song
Her face is scarred, but not on the skin

For just a moment, dreaming of her love,
Peace touches her lips

But even then, she is still numb,
No longer participating;
She would rather disappear.

I catch a glimpse of the past, not mine,
The pills slip down one by one
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
Itchy rope, cut the rope, don’t choke
I catch a glimpse of actions, not mine,
Silver tip tinted with crimson, blood drops on tan skin
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
Who need a knife when you have nails?
I catch a glimpse of shadows, not mine,
Insanity creeps closer with June
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
*Hope starts to slip at the thought of being alone.

HEY!
Y'all listen up now
Ima gonna tell ya somethin'
and you betta listen up real close
There are people out there
who feel UNLOVED
who feel FORGOTTEN
who feel like THEY DON'T BELONG
Well, listen to me now
I'm tellin' you that these kids
ARE LOVED
ARE REMBERED
AND THEY DO BELONG
It doesn't matter who you love
It doesn't matter who hurt you
It doesn't matter what you said
YOU BELONG
YOU ARE HUMAN, TOO
AND HUMANITY HAS TO
STICK
TOGETHER!!!
So, listen up, kids
Go out there
Into the big, scary world
and tell those
who keep their minds shut tight
that they need to
OPEN THEIR EYES
OPEN THEIR MINDS
AND KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT
IF ALL THAT COMES OUT
IS NEGATIVITY AND HATE.

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE HATED.
WE ARE ALL HUMAN.
WE ARE ALL OF EARTH.
WE ARE ALL
ONE.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

Thin gray swirls towards the sky,


I sit and watch the asphalt fly.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

Words are buzzing gently,

floating all around me.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

We speed towards our destination,

advancing without hesitation.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

A quick brush of comfort on his shoulder,

a glance from the man who's older.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

I breathe you in,
Just breathe you in
Trying to freeze the moment
Because I never want to let go
It’s so hard to let go
So hard to walk away,
even if it’s just for a day
I need you,
Like oxygen for my heartbeat
I’m addicted to you,
And desperation is racing through my blood
I cannot let you go,
Not now for a few minutes,
Or in summer for a few years,
And certainly not ever forever
And it’s tearing me apart,
We were doomed from the start
Inseperable, but the chasm still grows
And we’re not allowed to cross it just yet
But I know,
I promise you and I know,
No distance will sever our hearts,
No torment will yank us apart,
Nothing will ever truly seperate us,
For we are the two halves of one single soul
And we need each other to survive
And now, right now,
Hold my hand oh-so-tightly
Hold me while you can
Because when the trees turn green
And the sun stains my skin,
There’s no way of knowing
When we’ll see each other again.

And he is left sitting alone
on a cold stone bench,
watching her disappear.
The setting sun touches the tree tops,
illuminating the fading evening
with leaves on fire.
He sits
and remembers
as she is stolen away
He sits and wonders
what would happen
if she could just stay.
And he remembers
holding her close
She was so, so warm
and her lips so soft.

And she is left on a shooting range
disguised as a speeding car
Taking her away, far away
from him.
Bullets are fired, aimed at her brain,
but she deflects the inquiries
and reminds herself of backup plans.
She pulls him to the front of her head
and wraps the thought around her,
a blsnket to keep her warm and safe.
Then she just sits
and watches the world blur past
and she remembers
his arms around her, the safety
and the warmth.
he was so, so warm
and his lips so soft.

And now they are suddenly
alone
and
cold,
Shivering in anticipation,
Waiting for the next embrace;
Each one is dreaming of the other,
with ghosts of kisses still imprinted on their lips.

Inscribed in the tear-stained stone
Two dates:
a beginning and an end
Birth day and day of passing
Time spent walking as a physical body with emotions
The span of emotions and memories experienced
Before Time nibbled the soul, liked the taste, devoured it
Stole it away
Leaving just an empty shell
Blank face and marble skin
Tear-stained stone remembers the name
once memories are long gone,
But memories will take hundreds of decades to fade.

90 FOLLOWERS! :D
You guys are absolutely AMAZING, thank you so much for reading and faving and reposting my poems! <3 :D

So my heart has been stomped on again
The aftermath of feeling the swell of love
He decided that email wasn't enough
He said that he misses me too much
¨We should see other people,¨
he typed, evil and alone
¨Then we won't be lonely anymore.¨
Well, ***** that
You were the only guy for me
And now I don't want anyone
Because I like having my heart intact
And I don't need another ******* telling me that
¨We should just be friends.¨
So...
***** YOU, MAN.

Red stream, flowing strong,
releases what hides inside.
Pain will erase pain.

beat
beat
pounding
          beat
v ib r at e

******! of sound

heartbeat beat beat
rising with the music

Shh,
The ghost is in my eyes again
Shh, it’s okay,
Just let her stay,
I’m okay
Shh, just let her stay,
Just for today.

Overnight,
everything can change
Overnight,
hearts can break
Overnight,
lies can be told
Overnight,
a story can be changed
Overnight,
a fairy tale can go dark.

F
How would you feel
R
if I carved your name
A
into my skin
N
with a knife?
C
You'd scream, cry, ask me
I
"Why?"
S*
I love you, but I love the pain, too.

Anticipate
Let the tension build
A bundle of excitement
lodges in my throat
makes it hard to breathe
But I swallow it again
to make room for my voice
So I can shout your name
when anticipation meets
a present-time happening.

Look at me
with your dark eyes
and tell me another lie.

Tell me about
how you are absolutely fine
and worry is a waste of my time.

Don't let the truth
escape from your mouth
and lock you in a place where you are forced to shout.

Just keep saying
that you're okay,
let the monsters destroy your days.

Look at me
and tell another lie
even though I already know that you are ready to die.

Look out at the world
from within a glass eye
See the sky, tinted red
By infinite bloodshed
There's rain coming down
From scarlet-whisper clouds
Rain, red red rain,
Tastes like copper on my tongue.

Surrealism clouds my brain
Covers up my eyes
Makes me see
More
Nothing is quite real right now
With movie clip memories
flitting through my mind
Brown eye
Blue shirt
Just a streak of red
I don’t even remember
What it is I said
I breathe, and create a frigid breeze
That sweeps through my veins
After whispering through my hair
I’m soaring high on
The song in my head
It’s not just in my ears,
It’s all around, to remind me I’m not dead
This beat boosts my step
And sets me apart
Im not in this real world
Where streets are lined with broken heart
I still feel, I’m still alive
I am trapped in this surreal state of mind
And it’s okay, oh, it’s okay
To cry blue paint tears
And abruptly explode into porcelain bits
Because I know I’ll just reform again
Dry-faced and smiling again
I can see my own smiling face,
But I don’t have a mirror
There’s something wrong with her eyes
But it’s too late to figure out
She’s disappeared, she’s shy
And all that’s left are the tears
That fell from the skies
I’m not here, I’m not real
Just let me believe that I’m not real
I will sit in this fantasy world
And I will cry away my pains
And once I’m free and dry-eyed again
I’ll shut down the beat,
I’ll enter reality again
But it will always be
**surreal.

If I am hiding
behind the shadows
of the day,
Shine your flashlight
into my face
to lure me back out.

If I am bleeding
from terrible wounds
that are unseen,
Whisper a magic word
that becomes medicine
to heal me.

If I am cracked
and falling apart
bit by bit,
Grab some duct tape
and smooth it over the cracks
to keep me in one piece.

If I am gone
and you cannot find me
no matter where you search,
Brand my face into your mind
and keep it there forever
to remember me.

My darling,
my love,
my moon and my stars,

I want you to know
about the little devil
living in my brain.

You haven’t really met her yet,
she’s quite vile and cruel,
and I hate what she makes me do.

You see her in my anxiety,
when I text you far too much,
or call so late at night.

But you haven’t yet seen her
in my depression,
here in my darkest times.

She makes me want to cry,
she makes me want to die.
She tells me that
you don’t love me,
She tells me that you will fly
away and leave me
to my torment.
She tells me that I’m
stupid and ugly and useless,
horrible and selfish and sad.
She tells me to hurt myself,
that I’ll feel better once I bleed.

She tells me that everything
would be so much easier
if I just gave up
and drew my last breath.

She tells me terrible things,
and sometimes,
I believe her.

But now you’re here.
You’re the voice of reason,
my reminder that I’m
not a waste a space.
You muffle her whispers
with your warmth.

So, yes, she’s still here,
and she’ll still fight
to make me quit.

But I know
I can keep fighting back
for you.

I wish I could say this
In a place that you would hear
But you are already gone, I fear
But if you're still alive, listen close, my dear:
I know that the pain is strong
Maybe you can't even feel it anymore,
There's just so much.
I know your heart is broken,
Your life seems quite lost,
But time heals all wounds, have you heard?
Patience and faith can help you through
Not faith in a deity but faith in time
Time will pull you through
And if you die you leave us behind,
You leave him, he who love you
He hurts, too, and he's lost
He's in the darkness, I don't know where
He's wandering so close to the edge
And he can't even see it
If you're gone, he just might find it...
And fall.
If you're gone, you won't be the only on affected
at all.
A death affects a wide range of people,
From a family
To a circle of friends
To a school of over 2,000 people
To even a community, a town full of strangers
No one wants to hear that Juliet is dead again
And Romeo lost his way
14 years of age, now that's a confusing time
Certainly not a time to die
You're not Juliet, you still have a life!
And Romeo, oh, Romeo, he can still find you again
Someday
When you're not a little girl and he's not quite so young
When you cannot be controlled anymore
Then, if you still want him, if he still wants you,
Then you can have him, and he, you!
It takes patience, it takes time, and yes, there's a lot of pain,
But you can survive, I know it!
You'll be okay, I can feel it.

I wish I could tell you this
Standing in front of you
With a hug and a tissue,
Maybe a cookie or two

But I'm not, I'm miles away
So it's up to you to
Raise your voice and cry for help
And learn what patience does.

I think the universe
is deliberately messing with my head.
It feeds to me sweet caramel hope
and decadent chocolate passion
and leaves me floating on a cloud of
forevers and infinities, of peace and a second chance
Then, with an abrupt bolt of lightning,
I am struck down
and everything explodes in my face
and leaves me scarred
I feel like Tantalus:
everything I want is hanging
just out of reach
And one of these days, if I don’t just die,
I may simply break down and cry
And then the universe will reward my weakness
by granting to me again
the sweets and the bliss and the joy
It will wipe all the shattered glass out of my mind
And I will be another victim
of life.

the nip of silver
reminds me that i am weak.
the bite of metal
reminds me that i am weak.
  the ****** of sharp edges
reminds me that i am weak.
   the pain of the cut
reminds me that there is something to feel.

It feels good
To be free of the burden of sadness,
Even if it’s only for a short time.
It feels good to breathe, to see, to listen
It feels good to live and be whole
It feels good to walk
On feet that are light and quick,
No longer burdened by achy fatigue
It feels good to smile,
And know that it is genuine.
It feels good to be alive,
And happy.

The tide has come,
Stained with blood,
Filling my lungs
With fear.
I’ve stopped swimming,
And now I float -
I can taste rust
In the water’s murky flavor.
My arm stings,
Yet I still want more,
The blade gleams at me
From the sea floor.
I wish I could cry,
But the ocean takes
My tears away
So that I only drown faster.

Tell me how - no, tell me why
The passage of time proceeds to fly
past my face so I can barely taste it
Taste the smoke of the harsh rubber against
burning asphalt
Each day flies by,
well, it's no wonder I'm stuck in the past
I can't keep up with
the growing speed of time
as it flies by
Infinity flying by
I can't move forward, I'm stuck here, slow
As the world races forward,
I still sit here, times forgotten,
The world forgets who I am.

The skeletal trees
stand firm, black against the streaks
Of the rising sun.

My hair

between his fingers

Soft, golden strands

Woven sunlight

slipping through

the gaps between the digits

A

whisper

Almost impossible to hear

Words of affection

brush against my ear

Dark eyes meet

ocean eyes,

pools of love.

S
c
r
i
t
c
h
and
s
c
r
a
t
c
h
pencil
to
paper
building graphite towers
to house the pieces of my soul.

I'm just so tired of being so strong,
and the secret is that I really just want to break.

Your fingertips
Trailing butterflies along my neck;
Their wings flutter, bright,
Blinding me as I breathe you in.

Well, you see,
there is a place underground
that is full of screams and tears
and that place is underground
and it’s underneath your skin
and the screams fill your ears
and the tears invade your eyes
and you cry and cry and you don’t know why
you cry
There are monsters in your bloodstream
that just don’t go away
and they spit poison from their mouths
whenever you think you feel okay
they make everything hurt again
they change your words so that you say
“Today, today, I want to die today,”
They create an impulse, send a message to your brain
and your brain sends the message to your arms and to your hands
and your hands pick up the knife
and your eyes can already see
the silver stained with blood
And the metal touches your skin
and it’s cold, icy cold
and the chill runs across your skin
and the chill dances over your vertebrae
and wakes up your brain
and you open your eyes and you scream
and the knife clatters to the floor
“What did I almost do? Oh, God, I almost died.”
and you fall to your knees and cry
and the monsters they titter and giggle and laugh
so close, so close, you came
so close
There are ghost beneath your eyelids
they lie to you, they blind you
they make you see things not real
they place flashes in your path
and demons in the shadows
and you are paranoid,
so afraid
and you never know what’s real
and the ghosts whisper and laugh
and drive you quite mad
and you wish that you had the cold knife back
But there is a way, a way, a way
there is a way
to make them go away
Someone appears inside your world
and you look in their eyes
and the ghosts all fade away
and gray is gone
and the color returns
and harsh reality is misted over by delirium
and a kiss on the lips brings up a stir of desire
like a whole new monster invading your bloodstream
making you hungry, so hungry, hungrier for more
and the warmth of love is a safety blanket
and nothing can hurt you ever again
unless cruel universe with wicked claws
snatches love away,
then all light is gone
But now, right now, everything is safe, dear
Everything is bright, dear
Everything is right, dear
So pretty please, don’t fret.

And then the
rain falls again
And the fog
rises in my head
And I am weighed down,
soaked in the rain
And the gray
creeps across my skin
And I look at myself
and weep for my missing colors.