I breathe you in,
Just breathe you in
Trying to freeze the moment
Because I never want to let go
It’s so hard to let go
So hard to walk away,
even if it’s just for a day
I need you,
Like oxygen for my heartbeat
I’m addicted to you,
And desperation is racing through my blood
I cannot let you go,
Not now for a few minutes,
Or in summer for a few years,
And certainly not ever forever
And it’s tearing me apart,
We were doomed from the start
Inseperable, but the chasm still grows
And we’re not allowed to cross it just yet
But I know,
I promise you and I know,
No distance will sever our hearts,
No torment will yank us apart,
Nothing will ever truly seperate us,
For we are the two halves of one single soul
And we need each other to survive
And now, right now,
Hold my hand oh-so-tightly
Hold me while you can
Because when the trees turn green
And the sun stains my skin,
There’s no way of knowing
When we’ll see each other again.

She is a vibrant being,
radiating color and life,
Until the tears start flowing,
and wash the color away.

The first thing I see
Is the butterfly,
With cat’s eyes on her wings.
She dances ballet with the breeze,
Never missing a beat.
I blink.
The air shatters.
A bird with wings lined in fire
Interrupts the dance,
Scoops the butterfly
Into his beak.
The wind is left sobbing alone,
Littering my face with crystalline grief spots.
I blink.
Talons in my chest,
A glaring orange eye in mine
When I open my eyes
Inside his pupil
I see
My future
Outlined in flames.
I dance with them,
I swallow them,
I kiss them and burn
The flames, they cleanse my soul
The bird shows me
I can only be free with the fire
If I give up my weary heart
I close my eyes,
Feel the gentle tugging
I thought it would hurt
To lose my heart
But I feel only joy
At the weightlessness of my chest
When I’m set free
Then the flames, they take me
Outline the hold in my chest in gold
I scream without fear,
I cry without misery,
I bleed without pain,
I die without an ending.

Shh,
The ghost is in my eyes again
Shh, it’s okay,
Just let her stay,
I’m okay
Shh, just let her stay,
Just for today.

I yearn for the days
when I could pull poetry
from my brain
like a string of pearls,
shimmering opal,
so beautiful to all.

Where    have    my    pearls    gone?

Anticipate
Let the tension build
A bundle of excitement
lodges in my throat
makes it hard to breathe
But I swallow it again
to make room for my voice
So I can shout your name
when anticipation meets
a present-time happening.

We all hate life so much,
but we're too scared to die
So we turn ourselves into ghosts instead.

I never thought that
I’d be cursed
With such a darkness
that I feel now

The sun was always shining
in my child’s mind
but the darkness forced it out
slowly and painfully

So now I am stuck with
this darkest disease, unable
to find peace, unable to control
the monster sitting under my skin

I fear that it will eventually
destroy everything I am
before I can even
catch a final breath of air

The tide has come,
Stained with blood,
Filling my lungs
With fear.
I’ve stopped swimming,
And now I float -
I can taste rust
In the water’s murky flavor.
My arm stings,
Yet I still want more,
The blade gleams at me
From the sea floor.
I wish I could cry,
But the ocean takes
My tears away
So that I only drown faster.

And so we watch everything fall
Explode around us in the air
Bone splinters and shards of glass
The remains of what never truly was

And so we learn to lose it all
The fire glinting off your hair
The spirits watching as we pass
Yearning for the life within us

And so we wish we could stand tall
Seek freedom from the darkest lair
And slay any who dare trespass
To survive we do what we must

And so we watch everything fall
Explode into our hearts and steal our air
Bone white and blood streaks and shards of glass
The remains of what everything was

When fog touches down
Covering the town
The mysteries come out
They come to scream and shout
They whisper, too
Sing soft lullabies
Hush, lost souls
so the living can sleep tonight.

Scratch the letters into the tree;
Our initials, with a “4ever” added on.
Graffiti love, public and permanent.
Anyone can see the marks,
which will never fade away.

As the sun rises today,
remember what you love.

As the sun rises today,
remember who you love.

As the sun rises today,
remember that you are strong.

As the sun rises today,
remember to carry on.

The hungry men crowd around me,
eyes glistening as they gaze upon my skin;
But one pair of eyes stands out from the rest -
they glisten, too, but there's more than hunger.
I feel connected, protected,
like I'm not just being devoured.
I am being nurtured.

The hungry men moan and groan,
fingers brushing against my neck,
but I step away, towards one.
He is not an eager beast, he is a flower, too,
disguised by the shadows.
The moonlight hit him right to show
fangs and claws and an evil glow.
Take the darkness away, I see
a kinder man staring back at me.
He touches to feel, he feels more than just
the rush of nectar beneath my skin.

The hungry men growl behind my back, but
he is cautious, slow, gentle, warm -
his heart is not a pile of scar tissue.
There are just enough scars for him to understand
that love and hate go hand in hand.
He opens under my touch,
reveals what few people see.
Trust is a foundation,
and we build our castle.

I turn to tell the hungry men goodbye.

Everything is glowing like
Xmas, but there are no
Presents, there is only the
Looming cloud of death, hanging
Over us all, casting a gruesome
Shadow that no one can escape.
It reaches out a single hand, resting its fingers
On the earth. Suddenly,
N**othing exists anymore.

see inside me
look into the ocean-green stained glass eyes
to find
what truly lies
at the core of me
is it darkness? or is it light?
is it gray, the middle in between
what is it that lies
at the core of me?

Hello, old friend,

I really hoped

I wouldn't see you again,

But you're here now, so

I suppose you may as well sit

Coffee? Tea? You got me addicted to both, see

This one has cocoa, to keep me in a good mood

Because I won't go to a doctor, you see

You make other people pop pills like candy

But I don't want to do that so I drink this tea instead.

Ha.

I'm learning how to fight you, see?

Or at least I think I do,

until you come knocking again,

and surprise me with a new present.

I used to love presents,

but yours just make my head hurt.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to leave;

I'm making dinner tonight, you see,

and I don't want that knife to be a danger.

You know where the door is,

goodbye,

Please, don't come back soon.

HEY!
Y'all listen up now
Ima gonna tell ya somethin'
and you betta listen up real close
There are people out there
who feel UNLOVED
who feel FORGOTTEN
who feel like THEY DON'T BELONG
Well, listen to me now
I'm tellin' you that these kids
ARE LOVED
ARE REMBERED
AND THEY DO BELONG
It doesn't matter who you love
It doesn't matter who hurt you
It doesn't matter what you said
YOU BELONG
YOU ARE HUMAN, TOO
AND HUMANITY HAS TO
STICK
TOGETHER!!!
So, listen up, kids
Go out there
Into the big, scary world
and tell those
who keep their minds shut tight
that they need to
OPEN THEIR EYES
OPEN THEIR MINDS
AND KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT
IF ALL THAT COMES OUT
IS NEGATIVITY AND HATE.

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE HATED.
WE ARE ALL HUMAN.
WE ARE ALL OF EARTH.
WE ARE ALL
ONE.

Sometimes I wonder
how it would feel
to just be numb
all the time
To feel the way I used to feel,
like nothing ever hurt me, nothing broke through
my cold, stainless steel walls
Sometimes I wonder
if I would rather feel that way again
Because sometimes emotion
is just too cumbersome to carry every day

I remind myself that
to feel emotion is to be human, to be alive
And I very much prefer being alive
to being a cold, steel statue
Resting forgotten at the bottom of the sea
wishing she could see the sky again

Being alive is worth the pain
of having a heartbeat.

beat
beat
pounding
          beat
v ib r at e

******! of sound

heartbeat beat beat
rising with the music

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

Thin gray swirls towards the sky,


I sit and watch the asphalt fly.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

Words are buzzing gently,

floating all around me.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

We speed towards our destination,

advancing without hesitation.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

A quick brush of comfort on his shoulder,

a glance from the man who's older.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

To the one who sits in the dark,
takes a breath,
and prepares to run to Death:
Pause. Remember. See.
There is always someone outside,
in the light,
waiting to see your face again.
They will miss you if you run.

To the one who sits in the fluorescent light,
breathing to a soundtrack of steady beeps and blips:
Your clock is ticking faster, it's true,
but there is still a fight in you;
there is a fire fed by love.
You are not alone.

To the one who hides in bright sunshine,
who owns a blanket drenched in midnight sorrows:
Your heart was broken but you are still strong
You still love, and you breathe
And a mask can become a real face
if you let it.
Time does heal.

To those who are hurting, broken, lost, alone:
You can find relief
You can be fixed
You can find, or be found
You can meet anyone
and you can survive.
I believe in you.

Overnight,
everything can change
Overnight,
hearts can break
Overnight,
lies can be told
Overnight,
a story can be changed
Overnight,
a fairy tale can go dark.

When the world caves in
And the sun fades to black
When the skies crumble to ash
And teardrops soak our skin
When the water is a poison
And more really is less
When a smile is a frown
And a scowl is a cheer
When everything turns upside down
You will find me
Standing straight and tall

I was falling,
then crawling,
fighting to find my way

You materialized,
a lantern in the storm,
Offering warmth and safety

I held your hand
and off we ran
Headlong into insanity

Just for a moment,
I had a feeling
that life would be better,
but instead I was sent reeling.

You’ve been trying to help me,
hoping you’d free me
But I’ve slowly been dying
And I fear nothing can heal me.

Surrealism clouds my brain
Covers up my eyes
Makes me see
More
Nothing is quite real right now
With movie clip memories
flitting through my mind
Brown eye
Blue shirt
Just a streak of red
I don’t even remember
What it is I said
I breathe, and create a frigid breeze
That sweeps through my veins
After whispering through my hair
I’m soaring high on
The song in my head
It’s not just in my ears,
It’s all around, to remind me I’m not dead
This beat boosts my step
And sets me apart
Im not in this real world
Where streets are lined with broken heart
I still feel, I’m still alive
I am trapped in this surreal state of mind
And it’s okay, oh, it’s okay
To cry blue paint tears
And abruptly explode into porcelain bits
Because I know I’ll just reform again
Dry-faced and smiling again
I can see my own smiling face,
But I don’t have a mirror
There’s something wrong with her eyes
But it’s too late to figure out
She’s disappeared, she’s shy
And all that’s left are the tears
That fell from the skies
I’m not here, I’m not real
Just let me believe that I’m not real
I will sit in this fantasy world
And I will cry away my pains
And once I’m free and dry-eyed again
I’ll shut down the beat,
I’ll enter reality again
But it will always be
**surreal.

F
How would you feel
R
if I carved your name
A
into my skin
N
with a knife?
C
You'd scream, cry, ask me
I
"Why?"
S*
I love you, but I love the pain, too.

the flames are rising,
and soon they will rise
above our heads,
only to come crashing back down
like ocean waves,
washing away
the impurities
of the world.

Look out at the world
from within a glass eye
See the sky, tinted red
By infinite bloodshed
There's rain coming down
From scarlet-whisper clouds
Rain, red red rain,
Tastes like copper on my tongue.

I just don’t want to participate today,
I’d rather disappear
So pull me into a storybook
With sad and worn lyrics soothing my lonely ears.
I am numb,
And that’s okay.

*This girl lies under sky-blue covers,
Eyes closed, ears full of her favorite song
Her face is scarred, but not on the skin

For just a moment, dreaming of her love,
Peace touches her lips

But even then, she is still numb,
No longer participating;
She would rather disappear.

Water
droplets
glistening in the sunlight
When the sun sets,
they’ll turn blood-red
When the moon comes up,
it’s silver they’ll shed
My memories slip down my cheeks,
And disappointment leaks
Out of the little red chasm
That’s formed in my skin
I express my insanity
With an unreasonable grin
Pay no mind
To this crazy little girl
Listen not to her ramblings,
Ignore the cracks in her skin
One day, she’ll simply break
And the world’ll be a better place
Ah, the voices,
There they are!
Whispering their little lies again
Gossipmongers wring their hands
Even they can’t spread words
Like my demons can
There’s just two things
To keep me sane
So that my life doesn’t simply wane
A kiss, warm and true,
Brings a flush back to my death-white cheeks,
And words scrawled down in the dead of night
Remind me of magic.

My darling,
my love,
my moon and my stars,

I want you to know
about the little devil
living in my brain.

You haven’t really met her yet,
she’s quite vile and cruel,
and I hate what she makes me do.

You see her in my anxiety,
when I text you far too much,
or call so late at night.

But you haven’t yet seen her
in my depression,
here in my darkest times.

She makes me want to cry,
she makes me want to die.
She tells me that
you don’t love me,
She tells me that you will fly
away and leave me
to my torment.
She tells me that I’m
stupid and ugly and useless,
horrible and selfish and sad.
She tells me to hurt myself,
that I’ll feel better once I bleed.

She tells me that everything
would be so much easier
if I just gave up
and drew my last breath.

She tells me terrible things,
and sometimes,
I believe her.

But now you’re here.
You’re the voice of reason,
my reminder that I’m
not a waste a space.
You muffle her whispers
with your warmth.

So, yes, she’s still here,
and she’ll still fight
to make me quit.

But I know
I can keep fighting back
for you.

Tell me how - no, tell me why
The passage of time proceeds to fly
past my face so I can barely taste it
Taste the smoke of the harsh rubber against
burning asphalt
Each day flies by,
well, it's no wonder I'm stuck in the past
I can't keep up with
the growing speed of time
as it flies by
Infinity flying by
I can't move forward, I'm stuck here, slow
As the world races forward,
I still sit here, times forgotten,
The world forgets who I am.

I catch a glimpse of the past, not mine,
The pills slip down one by one
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
Itchy rope, cut the rope, don’t choke
I catch a glimpse of actions, not mine,
Silver tip tinted with crimson, blood drops on tan skin
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
Who need a knife when you have nails?
I catch a glimpse of shadows, not mine,
Insanity creeps closer with June
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
*Hope starts to slip at the thought of being alone.

Let me be honest,

My heart is rolling
in my stomach,
and I can't tell
if it's fear or joy.

You surely make me
smile,
and I'm not sure what it means.

How is it that I have kept this faith:
That this love here will not fade?
Oh, the innumerable ways;
Perhaps it is in the way
I lose a piece of my breath
When I meet you eyes, and you smile.
It may be in the way
I always get a thrill that shover through my chest
When your lips meet mine,
And hesitate to leave again.
Oh, it must be in the way
We are still so close even when we are so far,
Each of us never separated from the other’s thoughts.
Ah, yes, all doubts are beyond faded;
They are shattered,
Dissolved in the sunlight,
Barely a breath in the sky.
As I meet your eyes.
I can see for miles, immeasurable,
The incredible infinity of our love.

So my heart has been stomped on again
The aftermath of feeling the swell of love
He decided that email wasn't enough
He said that he misses me too much
¨We should see other people,¨
he typed, evil and alone
¨Then we won't be lonely anymore.¨
Well, ***** that
You were the only guy for me
And now I don't want anyone
Because I like having my heart intact
And I don't need another ******* telling me that
¨We should just be friends.¨
So...
***** YOU, MAN.

I'm not inside anymore...
you've shut me out and locked the door
I can't see you anymore...
the  walls are higher than before
I don't think I know you anymore...
It feels like all of it was faerie lore
I remember when your kiss woke me
and you gave me light so I could see
But now I'm back in the dark
and there's nothing I can do
I'm just sitting against the door,
waiting for you.

Red stream, flowing strong,
releases what hides inside.
Pain will erase pain.

the nip of silver
reminds me that i am weak.
the bite of metal
reminds me that i am weak.
  the ****** of sharp edges
reminds me that i am weak.
   the pain of the cut
reminds me that there is something to feel.

New note

Blank page

No pencil,

no pen

Just a smart piece of plastic

With a yellow background

and a keypad.



New note

Blank page

Half-awake and

bleary eyes

Half-blinded by no light

As the early morning

starts to rise.



New note

Blank page

Not sure what to write

A dozen thoughts

Spinning and twirling

And dancing and singing,

searching for release.

The skeletal trees
stand firm, black against the streaks
Of the rising sun.

Nights like this are a curse.

Inscribed in the tear-stained stone
Two dates:
a beginning and an end
Birth day and day of passing
Time spent walking as a physical body with emotions
The span of emotions and memories experienced
Before Time nibbled the soul, liked the taste, devoured it
Stole it away
Leaving just an empty shell
Blank face and marble skin
Tear-stained stone remembers the name
once memories are long gone,
But memories will take hundreds of decades to fade.

Anger
building
and boiling
I want
to scream
Fury
that has no reason to invade
has taken over my brain

And then the
rain falls again
And the fog
rises in my head
And I am weighed down,
soaked in the rain
And the gray
creeps across my skin
And I look at myself
and weep for my missing colors.

And he is left sitting alone
on a cold stone bench,
watching her disappear.
The setting sun touches the tree tops,
illuminating the fading evening
with leaves on fire.
He sits
and remembers
as she is stolen away
He sits and wonders
what would happen
if she could just stay.
And he remembers
holding her close
She was so, so warm
and her lips so soft.

And she is left on a shooting range
disguised as a speeding car
Taking her away, far away
from him.
Bullets are fired, aimed at her brain,
but she deflects the inquiries
and reminds herself of backup plans.
She pulls him to the front of her head
and wraps the thought around her,
a blsnket to keep her warm and safe.
Then she just sits
and watches the world blur past
and she remembers
his arms around her, the safety
and the warmth.
he was so, so warm
and his lips so soft.

And now they are suddenly
alone
and
cold,
Shivering in anticipation,
Waiting for the next embrace;
Each one is dreaming of the other,
with ghosts of kisses still imprinted on their lips.

Lying in a dark cloud,
an emotionless void,
I am suddenly reminded
of why I was so addicted
to the blade’s bite:
It was a distraction,
the pain was, and it
reminded me that I was
alive.

The darkness,
seething darkness,
has returned.

I have done more
than simply fall in,
let myself drown.

I have gathered it up,
and worn it as a cloak.
The pain is my protection.

What can you say
to break through
my fog and stormclouds?