And he is left sitting alone
on a cold stone bench,
watching her disappear.
The setting sun touches the tree tops,
illuminating the fading evening
with leaves on fire.
He sits
and remembers
as she is stolen away
He sits and wonders
what would happen
if she could just stay.
And he remembers
holding her close
She was so, so warm
and her lips so soft.

And she is left on a shooting range
disguised as a speeding car
Taking her away, far away
from him.
Bullets are fired, aimed at her brain,
but she deflects the inquiries
and reminds herself of backup plans.
She pulls him to the front of her head
and wraps the thought around her,
a blsnket to keep her warm and safe.
Then she just sits
and watches the world blur past
and she remembers
his arms around her, the safety
and the warmth.
he was so, so warm
and his lips so soft.

And now they are suddenly
alone
and
cold,
Shivering in anticipation,
Waiting for the next embrace;
Each one is dreaming of the other,
with ghosts of kisses still imprinted on their lips.

Inscribed in the tear-stained stone
Two dates:
a beginning and an end
Birth day and day of passing
Time spent walking as a physical body with emotions
The span of emotions and memories experienced
Before Time nibbled the soul, liked the taste, devoured it
Stole it away
Leaving just an empty shell
Blank face and marble skin
Tear-stained stone remembers the name
once memories are long gone,
But memories will take hundreds of decades to fade.

And then the
rain falls again
And the fog
rises in my head
And I am weighed down,
soaked in the rain
And the gray
creeps across my skin
And I look at myself
and weep for my missing colors.

I'm just so tired of being so strong,
and the secret is that I really just want to break.

Free from the darkness, I am willing to trust, to take a
Risk and fall into your
Arms as they wrap around me and keep me warm. Pain is no longer
Necessary to survive, because your love is much sweeter than the bite of the blade
Cutting into my flesh. No,
I don’t need the pain anymore, because you
Saved me from the hungry demons in my head.

What am I, what am I;
What is it that I want?
I want to breathe and weave words
Out of oxygen
Cast a spell to blast the expectations from your mind
You’ll see that I am a wordsmith, I build a world out of words
And I am spectacularly brilliant at my trade
But my words are lifeless
If i have no one to read them
So keep reading, dear reader,
Inhale the story to keep my words alive.

It feels good
To be free of the burden of sadness,
Even if it’s only for a short time.
It feels good to breathe, to see, to listen
It feels good to live and be whole
It feels good to walk
On feet that are light and quick,
No longer burdened by achy fatigue
It feels good to smile,
And know that it is genuine.
It feels good to be alive,
And happy.

My reality
is cracking
at the corners
And I’m leaking in all the wrong places

Did you ever meet a girl who's name just should have been Sunshine
Because she was so bright and warm, and her smile
Was a sunrise after a dark and stormy night, everything is bright
and even though she was a little bit strange
She wasn't quite right, you just couldn't help but enjoy her company?

That was me, once upon a time
I was a fair princess with a golden heart and a broken brain.
I was oblivious to the monsters that prowled the world
Until I met a broken girl with broken emotions and a shattered brain
And I learned that people are terrible creatures
They claw your eyes out and eat all of your food
They leave you mangled and cracked and scared and sad and about to explode
They turn us into ticking time bombs
And there are less of us every day who can cut the right wires
And we
All
Ex
Plode  .
I was a sunshine girl, then I met the storm
And I thunder and I strike, but
Somehow there is never rain
And I hurt and I love
And I remember how I was a sunshine girl,
How I lit up the world;
I still want to be a sunshine girl.

Look at me
with your dark eyes
and tell me another lie.

Tell me about
how you are absolutely fine
and worry is a waste of my time.

Don't let the truth
escape from your mouth
and lock you in a place where you are forced to shout.

Just keep saying
that you're okay,
let the monsters destroy your days.

Look at me
and tell another lie
even though I already know that you are ready to die.

If I am hiding
behind the shadows
of the day,
Shine your flashlight
into my face
to lure me back out.

If I am bleeding
from terrible wounds
that are unseen,
Whisper a magic word
that becomes medicine
to heal me.

If I am cracked
and falling apart
bit by bit,
Grab some duct tape
and smooth it over the cracks
to keep me in one piece.

If I am gone
and you cannot find me
no matter where you search,
Brand my face into your mind
and keep it there forever
to remember me.

I think the universe
is deliberately messing with my head.
It feeds to me sweet caramel hope
and decadent chocolate passion
and leaves me floating on a cloud of
forevers and infinities, of peace and a second chance
Then, with an abrupt bolt of lightning,
I am struck down
and everything explodes in my face
and leaves me scarred
I feel like Tantalus:
everything I want is hanging
just out of reach
And one of these days, if I don’t just die,
I may simply break down and cry
And then the universe will reward my weakness
by granting to me again
the sweets and the bliss and the joy
It will wipe all the shattered glass out of my mind
And I will be another victim
of life.

Tonight, I’m just a little bit gloomy,
with eyes to match the clouds outside;
The sky is swollen with unfallen precipitation.
A blast from the past
bruised my happiness,
and a shot of anxiety left me shaking in my love’s arms.
But I’m just a little bit sad,
and there’s no need to fear,
all I need is some beauty sleep for my smile to return.

"Where do you want to be in five years?"

Happy,
safe,
full of food and mirth,
and not wishing
to die.

No, no,
I'm falling again
No, no,
It's dark again
No, no,
It's worse now than ever before
No, no,
It's so hard to breathe.

There is
a pane
of glass,
standing upright
and surrounded
by several different people.

A large hammer
is swinging
repeatedly
into the glass,
cracking it
more
and
more
over time.

Eventually,
the glass
s
       h
    a
          t
  t    e
           r
      s
        ,
and the pieces fly
and hit the surrounding people,
causing wounds big and small.

The people stumble
and cry
and they wonder why
they could not see the cracks in the glass.
They wonder
if they could have stopped it
sooner.

But it's too late now,
and now they all bleed,
and now they all cry,
and some of them may die -

Because no one saw
the cracks in the glass.

Well, you see,
there is a place underground
that is full of screams and tears
and that place is underground
and it’s underneath your skin
and the screams fill your ears
and the tears invade your eyes
and you cry and cry and you don’t know why
you cry
There are monsters in your bloodstream
that just don’t go away
and they spit poison from their mouths
whenever you think you feel okay
they make everything hurt again
they change your words so that you say
“Today, today, I want to die today,”
They create an impulse, send a message to your brain
and your brain sends the message to your arms and to your hands
and your hands pick up the knife
and your eyes can already see
the silver stained with blood
And the metal touches your skin
and it’s cold, icy cold
and the chill runs across your skin
and the chill dances over your vertebrae
and wakes up your brain
and you open your eyes and you scream
and the knife clatters to the floor
“What did I almost do? Oh, God, I almost died.”
and you fall to your knees and cry
and the monsters they titter and giggle and laugh
so close, so close, you came
so close
There are ghost beneath your eyelids
they lie to you, they blind you
they make you see things not real
they place flashes in your path
and demons in the shadows
and you are paranoid,
so afraid
and you never know what’s real
and the ghosts whisper and laugh
and drive you quite mad
and you wish that you had the cold knife back
But there is a way, a way, a way
there is a way
to make them go away
Someone appears inside your world
and you look in their eyes
and the ghosts all fade away
and gray is gone
and the color returns
and harsh reality is misted over by delirium
and a kiss on the lips brings up a stir of desire
like a whole new monster invading your bloodstream
making you hungry, so hungry, hungrier for more
and the warmth of love is a safety blanket
and nothing can hurt you ever again
unless cruel universe with wicked claws
snatches love away,
then all light is gone
But now, right now, everything is safe, dear
Everything is bright, dear
Everything is right, dear
So pretty please, don’t fret.

Why am I always abandoned,
why am I always alone?
Why am I always left to wander
down this dismal road
s o l i t a r y
With no one to turn to,
no one to cry on,
no one to tell  me that
they care;
Why am I always shoved right back
into this nightmare
right when I think I might be okay?

Why do I suffer this curse, this
disease
of solitude and fear?

Screech to a halt,
Looks like my engine's busted again.
I wish I knew how to fix it.

My hair

between his fingers

Soft, golden strands

Woven sunlight

slipping through

the gaps between the digits

A

whisper

Almost impossible to hear

Words of affection

brush against my ear

Dark eyes meet

ocean eyes,

pools of love.

Silence
settles,
smothering me
slowly,
so
I can't breathe;
Stars
fill my eyes
as silence
slowly
kills me
softly.

He still remembers you, Tom does.
He remembers the last time he saw you, remembers the moonlight illuminating your face.
You were always radiant, he says, but that night you lit up the universe.
He weaves a tapestry of your face, words strung delicately together to reveal:
Eyes of the softest doe-brown, deer-in-the-headlights wide
Dark silk strands, curling and tumbling perfectly around
A sweet face, heart-shaped and smooth skinned, porcelain skin
Soft, soft lips, perfectly pink and delicious

I am envious of the care that goes into creating this tapestry of memories, of moonlit faces and delicious pink lips.
Will he one day weave
a tapestry in my honor?
Or will I be the one
    who weaves a warm blanket of everlasting love
        for us to share forever?

Ah, former lover, I cannot help but be green,
for it seems that you still have Tom’s poor heart
caught in your claws.

He remembers you sadly, longing for you even as he holds me close,
dreaming of you even as he sleeps with
his head nestled on my shoulder.

His heart is vanished from his chest,
and that is why he sounds so hollow
when he tells me, “I love you.”

I want that heart, I will take it from you,
and give it back to Tom, to whom it belongs,
and leave the fate of his love
in his own hands.

suddenly,
i am
f
a
l
l
i
n
g,
crashing into the earth
like a wave into a c
                               l
                               i
                               f
                               f.

Sometimes it's necessary to disappoint your loved ones in order to achieve happiness. Just don't harm yourself. That would be going to far. But wearing the clothes and making the art and just being you....that is OK. It's you, and no one should try to deny it.
It is hard to deal with the pressure of being stuck between worlds, but you can't let someone stuff you into a white box of plastic. You have to break free and show your true colors...or, in this case, darkness.
The ones you love will rebel. They may beg and they may cry, they may say that they're afraid you'll die, but they have to accept you for you, and if they don't then how can they say that they love you? What they love now is not the true you. They love a plastic robot who is struggling to keep the foam smile from falling off of his face.
They need to accept you for who you really are.

S
c
r
i
t
c
h
and
s
c
r
a
t
c
h
pencil
to
paper
building graphite towers
to house the pieces of my soul.

So close,
you are
so close.
I just want to speed up time
until I'm in your arms
Then stop the clock
to keep us in that moment
forever.

Your fingertips
Trailing butterflies along my neck;
Their wings flutter, bright,
Blinding me as I breathe you in.

No one knows the underground
unless the really try
And no one knows what’s really true
until their blindness dies
So when they open their brand new eyes
and let the shadows meet their life
They will finally learn the secrets
to defeating eternal night.

Our eyes absorb the sun-bright light
of a swollen moon, so big
I fear it may swallow us,
hungry hungry moon
It makes no sense,
that a sphere made of cheese
would devour two tiny humans in love,
but that is the nightmare
spinning in my head,
the dance partner of a daydream where
your hands travel
across the world of me,
memories staining your fingertips.

If someone closes a door on you,
do not idle in front of the door
and weep.
Instead, turn around
and find a new door.

Ah,
the words
were trapped
in my
mind
for far too long
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting to be
released
somehow
Somehow
Release the words, please
Ah,
I write again
*It's been too long.

Fly away into
Luminous silver moonbeams
Under the crystal-studded sky
Teardrops drift by my head, I breathe and
Take it all in
Ephemeral, I fly away
Reminiscing under silver moonbeams

every light thing has a shadow
every shadow has a light source
love = fear
And my heart is about to implode
Teenagers are ticking
Which one is about to explode?
I fear for the life of him
Even with all his escape plans, he could still be
LOST
and with him I will fall into the living death.
Threats are stupidly unpredictable
A scrawled message on the girls' bathroom wall
It can't be real, can't be real
You never know, here and now
And I fear that the purple and green pride
Will join the ranks
BREAKING NEWS
and
*too many cameras, not enough survivors
If I prayed, I would spend the day on my knees
But without faith, all I can do I wait.
Wait for the message:
"I'm home,"
or
"It's starting."

"He's gone."
"A hero, of course."
"I'm sorry."

All I can do is wait,
and hope and plead that he'll be okay.

ticking time bomb teens
**** us all
*i wish we didn't have to be so afraid.

I once wrote a love song,
describing my heart as a butterfly,
trapped in a net with nowhere to go.

I could write a million love songs
describing my heart as a butterfly
in a bell jar, and you as the one who freed me from imminent death.

Music
Energizing, powerful
Rising, falling, inspiring
Speeding up my heartbeat
Song

It’s happening again,
the desperate urge to write
and not knowing what to write
a poem
or a love letter
or maybe a mix of both
I’m not panicking
(yet),
but I am afraid
because I can hear them whispering again
I can feel their claws scratching at the walls
the walls that he helped me build
and he isn’t here right now
to send them away
He isn’t here right now
to save the day
so I guess I’m here alone
for now
dreaming of his face to be seen a week
from now
I’m trying to stay strong for him
right now
Because a few more days a fighting won’t **** me
when I know that he’s waiting
in a purple-lined hallway
and I know that soon I will be safe.

To find someone
who feels like
your other half

It's like you're
meant to be
in my arms

I get so lost
in your presence,
feeling safe and seen

You are a wonder
that I've searched for
for years untold

Finding you
makes everything
fall into place.

I cannot speak of my emotions,
my mouth freezes, tears do not fall
My insanity pours out from my pen,
it slips down my fingers and splatters the keyboard
with blood
I cry
I wonder why
I cannot SPEAK the truth of my heart,
all I can do is weild my pen;
write.

These words can fly into the sky
fluttering iridescent wings,
high on the love and despair
of teenage affairs
They fly through the eyes
of fellow young minds
Light up the deadzones inside
with my voice
I write because I cannot speak,
I write to share my mind
with the ones I love
and with the world

take my words
and fly.

I simply yearn
for the softness of your lips on mine
(they're still tingling from that kiss six minutes ago)
I simply yearn
for the warmth of you holding me
(I'm still warm from your arms around me seven minutes ago)
I simply yearn
to memorize every part of you
*(I feel that there is still something missing here, eight minutes to go)

This is a tale
Of two scarred souls
They found each other
While roaming the dark mists
And as they met each other’s eyes
They both felt the immediate demise
Of their loneliness
He was younger, but she didn’t care
She was older, he couldn’t help being a bit scared
He pulled from her the confidence
To confess his heart
They felt the connection
As their souls sent a whisper through to their hearts
Even with her doubts, she knew
He was different, this was different, he was hope
Even with his anger, he knew
He had to take this chance, she was his world, his obsession
They shared their hearts, traded trust
And fell into a deep, passionate love
But lingering on the horizon
An frightening obstacle;
Her age would pull them apart,
But they are desperate to hold on
She has faith,
Even as he quietly fears
They must both find the strength to persevere
They must both remember that
Even as distance wedges itself between them,
They will never truly be apart.

Remember the feel of your hair,
Soft between my fingers
As we kissed and I melted,
I struggled to keep my head above the waves
Of love that were crashing over me
But, ah, my love,
I want to drown in you.

yep, the world is cruel
but today i don't care
i'm wearing my smile
i've pulled up my hair
out of my face.
yeah, there's still some fear
squirming in my chest
but i will wear this smile
because this smile is who i am
yeah, i just had my heart trampled
by a ******* with no heart of his own
but this smile will still stay
because i am my smile

yep, everyone wants to bring me down
turn this grin into a frown
but even if they stitch it down
this smile will not turn into a frown

Uncertain of how I feel, of
Never-ending questions, of
Curious prompts and
Ecstatic noises
Rainfall outside my window
Tiptap tiptap
Anonymous,
I am anonymous
No more

There’s a warmth
slowly building
deep in my heart.
Every time I look at you,
every time we touch,
I feel it,
so close to becoming
a flame.

The bear's name wasn't always Heartbreak.
He used to be Teddy Bear Chester, a symbol of the future. He was hope.
His fur was soft when he was first bought, the ribbon on his neck shiny and clean.
His eyes glimmered with artificial joy.
He was hugged tightly on Valentine's Day, greeted with a pleased squeal.
He could feel the love between her and the gifter.
The bear was kept warm every night
as the girl lay and dreamt of her love.
Sometimes he was held tight in daylight, too,
as heartache racked her body and tears threatened to spill.
For months he was loved well.

But then the love was accompanied by pain.
He was moved to a new place, with the same girl.
Different bed, same heart.
Same loneliness and love.

He felt the pain grow in the girl.
The loneliness. The sadness.
There was still love, but it was slowly smothered.

Then it was gone.

So he became the Heartbreak Bear,
his new home a shelf in the closet.
Before he was hidden away he saw
her with a new lover,
a smile on her face.
He felt new love within her,
and closed his eyes as she later tucked him away.
Her touch was still gentle on his now-greasy fur,
ragged from countless nights buried under her covers.
She brushed one last kiss across his head,
then set him down
and closed the door.
And the Heartbreak Bear now sits in darkness.
He can still hear her laughing, feel her loving.
She is still warm.

Ominous,
The sound of sirens
just before
He should be home by now.

Ominous,
The blaring of my phone
and unfamiliarity
I do not recognize this number.



Ominous,
the solemn voice on the other end
telling me
Surely she's called the wrong person?

Ominous,
the way the world starts to crack
just before
Everything is shattering around me.