And then the
rain falls again
And the fog
rises in my head
And I am weighed down,
soaked in the rain
And the gray
creeps across my skin
And I look at myself
and weep for my missing colors.

So close,
you are
so close.
I just want to speed up time
until I'm in your arms
Then stop the clock
to keep us in that moment
forever.

Screech to a halt,
Looks like my engine's busted again.
I wish I knew how to fix it.

Free from the darkness, I am willing to trust, to take a
Risk and fall into your
Arms as they wrap around me and keep me warm. Pain is no longer
Necessary to survive, because your love is much sweeter than the bite of the blade
Cutting into my flesh. No,
I don’t need the pain anymore, because you
Saved me from the hungry demons in my head.

Uncertain of how I feel, of
Never-ending questions, of
Curious prompts and
Ecstatic noises
Rainfall outside my window
Tiptap tiptap
Anonymous,
I am anonymous
No more

Our eyes absorb the sun-bright light
of a swollen moon, so big
I fear it may swallow us,
hungry hungry moon
It makes no sense,
that a sphere made of cheese
would devour two tiny humans in love,
but that is the nightmare
spinning in my head,
the dance partner of a daydream where
your hands travel
across the world of me,
memories staining your fingertips.

suddenly,
i am
f
a
l
l
i
n
g,
crashing into the earth
like a wave into a c
                               l
                               i
                               f
                               f.

Lying in a dark cloud,
an emotionless void,
I am suddenly reminded
of why I was so addicted
to the blade’s bite:
It was a distraction,
the pain was, and it
reminded me that I was
alive.

Nights like this are a curse.

Let me be honest,

My heart is rolling
in my stomach,
and I can't tell
if it's fear or joy.

You surely make me
smile,
and I'm not sure what it means.

This is a tale
Of two scarred souls
They found each other
While roaming the dark mists
And as they met each other’s eyes
They both felt the immediate demise
Of their loneliness
He was younger, but she didn’t care
She was older, he couldn’t help being a bit scared
He pulled from her the confidence
To confess his heart
They felt the connection
As their souls sent a whisper through to their hearts
Even with her doubts, she knew
He was different, this was different, he was hope
Even with his anger, he knew
He had to take this chance, she was his world, his obsession
They shared their hearts, traded trust
And fell into a deep, passionate love
But lingering on the horizon
An frightening obstacle;
Her age would pull them apart,
But they are desperate to hold on
She has faith,
Even as he quietly fears
They must both find the strength to persevere
They must both remember that
Even as distance wedges itself between them,
They will never truly be apart.

yep, the world is cruel
but today i don't care
i'm wearing my smile
i've pulled up my hair
out of my face.
yeah, there's still some fear
squirming in my chest
but i will wear this smile
because this smile is who i am
yeah, i just had my heart trampled
by a ******* with no heart of his own
but this smile will still stay
because i am my smile

yep, everyone wants to bring me down
turn this grin into a frown
but even if they stitch it down
this smile will not turn into a frown

I was falling,
then crawling,
fighting to find my way

You materialized,
a lantern in the storm,
Offering warmth and safety

I held your hand
and off we ran
Headlong into insanity

Just for a moment,
I had a feeling
that life would be better,
but instead I was sent reeling.

You’ve been trying to help me,
hoping you’d free me
But I’ve slowly been dying
And I fear nothing can heal me.

"Where do you want to be in five years?"

Happy,
safe,
full of food and mirth,
and not wishing
to die.

No one knows the underground
unless the really try
And no one knows what’s really true
until their blindness dies
So when they open their brand new eyes
and let the shadows meet their life
They will finally learn the secrets
to defeating eternal night.

I yearn for the days
when I could pull poetry
from my brain
like a string of pearls,
shimmering opal,
so beautiful to all.

Where    have    my    pearls    gone?

Silence
settles,
smothering me
slowly,
so
I can't breathe;
Stars
fill my eyes
as silence
slowly
kills me
softly.

New note

Blank page

No pencil,

no pen

Just a smart piece of plastic

With a yellow background

and a keypad.



New note

Blank page

Half-awake and

bleary eyes

Half-blinded by no light

As the early morning

starts to rise.



New note

Blank page

Not sure what to write

A dozen thoughts

Spinning and twirling

And dancing and singing,

searching for release.

I'm not inside anymore...
you've shut me out and locked the door
I can't see you anymore...
the  walls are higher than before
I don't think I know you anymore...
It feels like all of it was faerie lore
I remember when your kiss woke me
and you gave me light so I could see
But now I'm back in the dark
and there's nothing I can do
I'm just sitting against the door,
waiting for you.

The first thing I see
Is the butterfly,
With cat’s eyes on her wings.
She dances ballet with the breeze,
Never missing a beat.
I blink.
The air shatters.
A bird with wings lined in fire
Interrupts the dance,
Scoops the butterfly
Into his beak.
The wind is left sobbing alone,
Littering my face with crystalline grief spots.
I blink.
Talons in my chest,
A glaring orange eye in mine
When I open my eyes
Inside his pupil
I see
My future
Outlined in flames.
I dance with them,
I swallow them,
I kiss them and burn
The flames, they cleanse my soul
The bird shows me
I can only be free with the fire
If I give up my weary heart
I close my eyes,
Feel the gentle tugging
I thought it would hurt
To lose my heart
But I feel only joy
At the weightlessness of my chest
When I’m set free
Then the flames, they take me
Outline the hold in my chest in gold
I scream without fear,
I cry without misery,
I bleed without pain,
I die without an ending.

A lightning blot

just touched me heart

Jagged white strip

of pain

Flash!

Heartbeats thunder

through my brain,

provoked

by fear's burning breath.

How is it that I have kept this faith:
That this love here will not fade?
Oh, the innumerable ways;
Perhaps it is in the way
I lose a piece of my breath
When I meet you eyes, and you smile.
It may be in the way
I always get a thrill that shover through my chest
When your lips meet mine,
And hesitate to leave again.
Oh, it must be in the way
We are still so close even when we are so far,
Each of us never separated from the other’s thoughts.
Ah, yes, all doubts are beyond faded;
They are shattered,
Dissolved in the sunlight,
Barely a breath in the sky.
As I meet your eyes.
I can see for miles, immeasurable,
The incredible infinity of our love.

Eyelids sliding shut
SNAP!
They fly back open
Can't let them stay closed
Stayawakestayawake
They slide again
SNAP!
Open, open, stay open, stay
Awake.
That is something
that is easier coming from the mouth
than from the limbs.

Tonight, I’m just a little bit gloomy,
with eyes to match the clouds outside;
The sky is swollen with unfallen precipitation.
A blast from the past
bruised my happiness,
and a shot of anxiety left me shaking in my love’s arms.
But I’m just a little bit sad,
and there’s no need to fear,
all I need is some beauty sleep for my smile to return.

Who sat there?
I see
a girl with sad eyes that no one sees
In the kitchen, there is a chair
that no one ever uses
at a table set for five,
why?
I see
tears leaking into the wood that no one sees
Upstairs, a door not opened
Contents are need-to-know only,
why?
I see
the monster used to dance with her here, where no one could see
In the room across the hall,
the broken mother cries at night
with a cracked frame in her hand.
Why?
I see
*in the bathroom are bloodstains that she wishes she didn't see.

Ominous,
The sound of sirens
just before
He should be home by now.

Ominous,
The blaring of my phone
and unfamiliarity
I do not recognize this number.



Ominous,
the solemn voice on the other end
telling me
Surely she's called the wrong person?

Ominous,
the way the world starts to crack
just before
Everything is shattering around me.

Fly away into
Luminous silver moonbeams
Under the crystal-studded sky
Teardrops drift by my head, I breathe and
Take it all in
Ephemeral, I fly away
Reminiscing under silver moonbeams

I simply yearn
for the softness of your lips on mine
(they're still tingling from that kiss six minutes ago)
I simply yearn
for the warmth of you holding me
(I'm still warm from your arms around me seven minutes ago)
I simply yearn
to memorize every part of you
*(I feel that there is still something missing here, eight minutes to go)

I once wrote a love song,
describing my heart as a butterfly,
trapped in a net with nowhere to go.

I could write a million love songs
describing my heart as a butterfly
in a bell jar, and you as the one who freed me from imminent death.

Only half a soul resides
inside a human casket
Just 50% of ethereal being,
feeling,
self.
And many live unaware
of what they truly search for
They think that they are empty
because they have no money
They think that they are empty
because they have no hope
But truly they are empty
because they only have half a soul
And everyone, yes, everyone,
has someone to someday meet
And every soul, yes, every soul
had another half to greet
So keep your feet moving
no matter how weary the journey
Your soul mate is waiting for you
and emptiness will be but a memory.

If someone closes a door on you,
do not idle in front of the door
and weep.
Instead, turn around
and find a new door.

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I tremble as I breathe you in
I tremble as I think again
“You are the only one for me,”

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I vibrate under your gentle touch
I vibrate under the force of your love
And let it sweep over my head

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I shiver as I wake,
I shiver as the warmth seeps away,
And I realize that it was just another dream.*

But today I will see you,
And that will be a dream
come true.

What am I, what am I;
What is it that I want?
I want to breathe and weave words
Out of oxygen
Cast a spell to blast the expectations from your mind
You’ll see that I am a wordsmith, I build a world out of words
And I am spectacularly brilliant at my trade
But my words are lifeless
If i have no one to read them
So keep reading, dear reader,
Inhale the story to keep my words alive.

The clock ticks down
and their time grows short;
he is desperate to hold her
until the very last millisecond.

every light thing has a shadow
every shadow has a light source
love = fear
And my heart is about to implode
Teenagers are ticking
Which one is about to explode?
I fear for the life of him
Even with all his escape plans, he could still be
LOST
and with him I will fall into the living death.
Threats are stupidly unpredictable
A scrawled message on the girls' bathroom wall
It can't be real, can't be real
You never know, here and now
And I fear that the purple and green pride
Will join the ranks
BREAKING NEWS
and
*too many cameras, not enough survivors
If I prayed, I would spend the day on my knees
But without faith, all I can do I wait.
Wait for the message:
"I'm home,"
or
"It's starting."

"He's gone."
"A hero, of course."
"I'm sorry."

All I can do is wait,
and hope and plead that he'll be okay.

ticking time bomb teens
**** us all
*i wish we didn't have to be so afraid.

A swell of golden fire
Burning in my heart
Shimmering through my capillaries,
Burning in my veins
It grows to set my soul on fire;
It burns to make me weep
Tears of sun, blindingly warm and sweet
Like honey on your tongue
Whenever our lips meet.

You live in a city underground
Where screams don't make a sound,
and voices are physical.
Words slap you across the face
They kick you in the gut
Knock you to your knees
Leave you gasping for more oxygen
The only way to survive
in a city full of words and pain
is to take your voice
and weave soft fabrics into it
Stuff it full of sun-soaked clouds
and add a few burrs to make it stick
Wrap a rope around it, easy grip
for something to hold on to
Then sing out loud
Pull the letters, strung together;
Twinkling Christmas lights,
pull them from your throat
And toss them across the pavement
String them over windows
And wrap them around staple-ridden light poles
Then dump what's left into a bucket
and fill the spaces in with liquid gold
instead of boiling blood
And pour it all over your head
So you can shine bright and be seen
Then sing, messenger bird, sing
And show the city the light of hope.

Ah,
the words
were trapped
in my
mind
for far too long
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting to be
released
somehow
Somehow
Release the words, please
Ah,
I write again
*It's been too long.

Here I am, startled
by the silence of the night
Disturbed by the quiet
caused by lack of morning light
But it's peaceful, too,
the soft and quiet dark
The fog absorbs my dreams.

Don't.
Please, don't.
Don't let yourself cry.
Don't let the tears fall
when there are people watching.
You may be invisible to them,
but if you cry, they will notice
And remember you for being weak.
So don't cry,
don't.
Please, don't.
Just wait for the shadows,
wait for the solitude,
wait until you are alone
to cry.

I wanna feel the flames
Feel the fire in my face
I wanna scream so the world can see
that I’m ready to break free and breathe
Let me take back my power
Let me walk across the flames
Test my heart and test my soul
to cleanse me of my regrets
I can see the future
See it dark and clean
I can see what we can be
I can see us all being free
We live in a world of imprisonment
Live in a world that is far from clean
We’ve blinded ourselves to the true meaning
Of living as a human being

Stoke the fires
Build the flames
We will make sure you remember our names
‘Cause I know I’m not the only one who’s tired
Of playing all these stupid games
I know I’m not the only one who’s sick
Of seeing so much pain for no gain
Our scream rise above the flames
Rise into the star-studded sky
To be heard for worlds around
We’re not backing down,
we’re not silent.

He still remembers you, Tom does.
He remembers the last time he saw you, remembers the moonlight illuminating your face.
You were always radiant, he says, but that night you lit up the universe.
He weaves a tapestry of your face, words strung delicately together to reveal:
Eyes of the softest doe-brown, deer-in-the-headlights wide
Dark silk strands, curling and tumbling perfectly around
A sweet face, heart-shaped and smooth skinned, porcelain skin
Soft, soft lips, perfectly pink and delicious

I am envious of the care that goes into creating this tapestry of memories, of moonlit faces and delicious pink lips.
Will he one day weave
a tapestry in my honor?
Or will I be the one
    who weaves a warm blanket of everlasting love
        for us to share forever?

Ah, former lover, I cannot help but be green,
for it seems that you still have Tom’s poor heart
caught in your claws.

He remembers you sadly, longing for you even as he holds me close,
dreaming of you even as he sleeps with
his head nestled on my shoulder.

His heart is vanished from his chest,
and that is why he sounds so hollow
when he tells me, “I love you.”

I want that heart, I will take it from you,
and give it back to Tom, to whom it belongs,
and leave the fate of his love
in his own hands.

Shooting stars
Toss themselves out of the sky
Just to burn.
Tired of watching everyone below
Scream and cry and bleed
It’s torture to watch these people, all in pain,
Unable to do anything about it, so
Shooting stars toss themselves out of the sky
Because they’d rather burn.

Sometimes it's necessary to disappoint your loved ones in order to achieve happiness. Just don't harm yourself. That would be going to far. But wearing the clothes and making the art and just being you....that is OK. It's you, and no one should try to deny it.
It is hard to deal with the pressure of being stuck between worlds, but you can't let someone stuff you into a white box of plastic. You have to break free and show your true colors...or, in this case, darkness.
The ones you love will rebel. They may beg and they may cry, they may say that they're afraid you'll die, but they have to accept you for you, and if they don't then how can they say that they love you? What they love now is not the true you. They love a plastic robot who is struggling to keep the foam smile from falling off of his face.
They need to accept you for who you really are.

I try to scream
but no one will listen
All they hear is a buzzing fly
Annoying

I wave my arms
but no one will look
All they see is a dull moth
Meaningless

I stand and dance
but no one will watch
All they look at is a glowing screen
Distracting

I write my words
and make them read
Because when they read, they see
Me

Remember the feel of your hair,
Soft between my fingers
As we kissed and I melted,
I struggled to keep my head above the waves
Of love that were crashing over me
But, ah, my love,
I want to drown in you.