You ask me to paint for you.
You said you love all my paintings.
I know that I will never be satisfied,
nothing could ever be good enough for you.
Im trying but all I want to paint is you

She hates herself so much.
I could never understand how she calls her self ugly.
Shes so pretty my stomach hurts with want.
Not just her face or body
All of her.
She is amazing
I hurt myself but the only thing I feel is her.
I have never been in love but maybe this is what it feels like.
It hurts.
I like it

I can't stop thinking about her.
We drank and laughed,
I think it was the first time I drank to remember rather than to forget.
She asked me to kiss her and I laughed.
"Anytime" I said.
I meant it
I backed up to grab another drink,
afraid that I might give in to the strangth of the ***** in my hands.
Even after you had thrown up,
you had looked at me and laughed.
You were pretty all the time
That night I slept with your head on my lap,
hoping it was you who asked, not your drink.
That was months ago and Ive been waiting for another sign.
Im afraid it was only me

She had sunlight in her eyes
She had leaves in her hair
She had fruit in her chest
She had flowers between her legs
But you took that from her
She didnt have a choice
She has oceans in her eyes
She  has your smoke in her chest
She has rocks in her stomach
She has blood on her sheets
She has a snake in her bed

You said I was you favourite person
I was at my lowest
You made me feel good
Like I'd rather touch flowers than flames
You fed off my dependance
And when you found someone else
I had realized you could only me bring up because of how low I sank for you
I thought you were mine
Some kind of reward
I didnt think I could ever deserve you
Now I know that I dont

Show me you scars.
Show me you bruises.
I need to see all the times that I failed to be there for you.

Last times hurt because we never see them coming.
The very last time that you do something or see someone,
You lose a piece of your soul.
It's like breaking the **** of a door after it's been locked,
You don't get it back.
The only choice is to move on,
Or "chase the dragon", to no avail.
You can't return to the last time.