I'm crumbling again.
I can feel it.
I need contact.
Human contact.
This urge to feel and be felt.
No matter how hard.
How soft.
How painful.
How pleasureful.
This craving.
This emptiness.
It can not be filled.

I'm getting better
I'm learning how to eat again
The weights are still in my closet,
and I binged again

I promise you
I'm gonna stop
I'm not gonna die
But I think I'll go purge

I swear I'm fine
I'm telling you, I ate
Don't believe me, whatever
But I truly am gaining weight

Okay, so maybe I lied
I don't want to stop
I want to be pretty and thin
And even perfect

I used to lose and
Think I was winning.

I used to win and
Think I was losing.

Now I'm losing and
No longer know the difference

I want to lose.
Every fiber of my being
wants to lose

I want to win
Not for me
for my family.

I can't win here though
I don't even want
to try anymore

Scarred Fingers
Rotting Teeth
Burning Throat

The price of losing {Winning}
The price of negative comments made
The price of winning {Losing}

Winning
Losing
It all  ends the same