I will remain
yours
until time collapses
Your beauty within my mind
firing the synapses
Everything I desire
burning within your eyes
Everything I crave
pillowed beneath your thighs
Mouth watering,
even as I type,
your naughty flesh burned
deep beneath my eyes
Never will I want
without your flavor on my tongue
And never shall I breathe
without your love in my lungs.
You define life and pleasure until I die
My greatest wish answered:
that you be by my side.

111813 ~ 1.39p

"...Enraptured and terrified
Denied and deified
Salacious and sanctified

What have you done?"*

...loved and lived
sacrificed and given
my soul to heaven
my life to hell
my mind in a purgatorial cell
pondering decisions
I made so ******* well
I chose to try
not lie, but die
prayed for a future
that couldn't survive

All of my dreams
suffocating within
sacerdotal sheets of silk
singing with sin
my only desire
to be within
this licentious fire
of our friendship ablaze
A satirical embrace
within two hearts
compressing space
separate, yet one
what have we become
but cardinal sins
within our confessional?

022604~9.12p

Always wondered
what it'd be like to be
the one you came home to
the one you see
when those eyes open
to the morning sun
what it'd be like
to be the one
you kissed good-night
and held to tight.
I've only known you
at a distance
never pulled you close
without resistance.
I understand.
I accept my role.
I'm only a piece
of what makes you whole.
I'm not your life;
you're not my wife.
It's never "just us,"
it's deadlines and lust.
It's sharing my love
through stolen moments;
given my fantasy
and allowed to own it.

I want to make you scream
at a moment's demand
but I only get whispers
when you're with your man.
Limited time
to touch and fear
Unlimited rhymes
to draw you near
But, even these
have turned to guilt
and the white flowers of passion
are beginning to wilt.
My rhymes are my life
and I'm showing you inside
my passionate anger & pain
only because you cry.
It weeps inside,
my precious pain,
it colors my days
like Portland rain.
The color of our love
within all shades of grey
bittersweet winter skies
hold my life in sway.

012110~11.37p

Here lies
a romanticized dream
Cut down and faded
So far from what I created
A special place just for love
Now tainted with verbalized shoves
All the time spent
building us up
Just look at us now
More arguments than ****
So much negativity
Cutting me down
Watching as the prayers
Sink away and drown
It's a shame that simply
by being ourselves
Creates feelings so awful
We live in a hell
Can't be too honest
Can't reveal it all
Keep **** to ourselves
Count bruises when we fall
Waiting for the day
We throw it all up and say,
"We gave it our best.
Finally it's time
for our eternal rest."
We stop fighting and screaming
In peace we find meaning
That a week can go by
without heartache and fights.

092313 ~ 10.35a

sinking under
this mirrored surface
one last glance
at who I am
undertows from inside
the water flows
to where I hide
distorted vision
time rushing past
to say, "I love you"
took my last gasp
051501~12.4p

The comfort of your arms
was disguised as sleep
as I prematurely opened my eyes
to the dark cold morning.
I couldn't look for the sun,
only for you and your skin.
The heavy in my eyes
was calling to your affectionate touch.
The weight in my heart yielding
as the weight closing my eyes
blurred my thoughts.
As I embraced you in my half-sleep dreams,
calling to you with unsyllabled prayers,
you heard me and answered.
As your arms entangled me,
coaxing me back down
into my slumber of unyielding lust
knowing there's nothing more desired
than just being alone with us.

I miss you the moment you are gone.

042110~7.21a

Still riddled with holes
straight through my soul
An empty longing
A hollow belonging
I miss it all
(except the ****)
I yearn for an escape
yet, I can't stay lit
I'm so lonely
I'm scared to form a bond
Grasping so firmly
to something so insubstantial
is nothing but a trainwreck.

070909~6.51p

My sweet love
captured by a bug
oh, that I could chase it away,
bringing the light back to your day.
I'll give you kisses,
though I may catch it, too.
You have all my well-wishes
to help get you through.
I'll grab the bunny veg
(and some soup for you)
Just tell me, my love...
I'll do whatever I can do
to bring back your happiness
within that sweet Summertime Sadness.
........................................................­...................

061715~7.23a

My mind sways this morning
like the tops of tall trees
My fingers across your skin
as the breeze caresses through the leaves
Each one touching and bending
to connect with another
A sweet good-morning
to awaken my lover

061615~6.57a

The Lion and the Bull
The Wolf and the Crow
How we met and fell in love
is a mystery we may never know
But, here we are,
twenty years in
and we glare through glazed stares
wondering how to start again
Your freedom of expression
clashing against my sensitive ears
My rebellion against repression
is warring with your fears
How do we cross this battlefield
with our shields in the air?
With our spears raised high,
can we show that we care?
We're ready to fight
and we want to join sides
together against the odds
for the rest of our lives.

070815~1.34p

We're so ******* used
to being torn apart
by those we've loved
and given our heart.
Now, it's coming too close
to what we've barely saved
These buildings of stone
can't keep us safe
from loving each other
and these "little earthquakes"

Still devoted,
Still trying...
Yet, so much effort
and still left crying.
We talk it out
find a place
that we agree
and still feel safe
But, then we sleep
and morning calls
feelings change and
we lose it all.
Back to heartache
back to pain
if we 'talk' again
will it end the same?
I want to be your rock
I wanna be strong
My heart'll try forever
...if it'll last that long.

031510~4.35p

Through the waves
I'm crashing
over
the sound of receding
blades
sinking slowly out &
away
drawing me open
I'll pretend I'm saved

Unlucky us
cut too quickly
violated trust
sanguinely separating
flesh
It means so much
to be connected
in physical planes
Even the sky
must touch the earth
Is that why we're closer
whenever it rains?
I know that I love...
and I know that I miss...
my reminder's this pain
and it comes like your kiss.
080504~2.17p

Touch your blade
   then touch me
past my defenses
   you're all I can't see
filling my mind until this void collapses upon itself
and you become the reality

I'm not aware of the bleeding
   unless this infinite screaming inside my skin
is not the world trying to reach in
   and steal your touch

Kiss your razor
   across my soul
Please ~ drag it  s l o w l y
                        let me savor
                              the sting.

Come, now, kiss the tears
I've bled for years in silence
pools just under the surface
lying dormant within the violence
   of being too far away.
070504~4.27p

...
bitter stones in my eyes
dragging the ground
weighing heavy on my lacerated heart
Missing the sound
where the beating starts
where life, like the sun, shines
and pulls me into the day.
Instead, I wake
with a mind full of crimes
filtered into rhymes
Sadness still clinging
to the corners of my mouth
Eyes still stinging
from a conversation gone south
Sight flooded with doubt
Lies reaching to the skies
when I fake a smile
But my eyes can't hide
the toll of this trial.
4/15/15 ~ 8.22a

I missed you last night.
We slept in the same bed
but it didn't feel like together.
Nothing was said.
For a sleeping moment
I had my arm around you
and my face in your hair,
breathing memories of the passion we knew.
I try to focus on small things,
like how your skin gives way
to my pressing lips
or, how the Earth would sway
with our meeting hips.
Remembering the hunger
I would feel from your eyes
Lamenting these nights
while the passion subsides
My greatest flame
and only goddess,
how cruel
              slow
                     fate
has constantly fought us
Yet, never will I yield
and always shall I fight
to claim the dreams we've wanted,
to persevere through this night.
4/10/15 ~ 6.23a

Days and nights are blending
into sunsets and dawns
life's not about life anymore
(at least not to us pawns)
Is there an understanding
we've forgotten to seek?
A connection within ourselves
waking from our sleep

We've programmed our defenses
to react -- to attack
to believe blindly in a cause
we sacrifice to defend
Where is our compassion
for the leniency of truth?
When knowledge never ends...
can a belief be complete?
And, can perfection exist
without the search for clarity?
041101~12.02a

Ah, how silence grasps
the darkness at last
all voices hushed
inside we rush
safe in havens
under watchful light
betraying ourselves
as we die of fright
091403~7.3p

Stealing songs
from right and wrong
enduring hunger
so I can be strong
enough to heal
enough to feel
my way around
this cavernous sound
an unhealthy pulse
driving me on
I'm so scared
can't see beyond
today's setting sun
It's over, isn't it?
I can't fix it
without breaking myself
Creating a hell
becoming a shell
Do I love enough of me
to give up the beauty
with whom I want to be?
041204~5.3p

Her softness
  under the slight touch offered
  creates such serenity
  within me
The jewels within her eyes
  gleam so bright
so sure of her beauty
and the rareness of her love
Her assuring smiles
and playful gazes
move my hands over her
most intimate places
My soul devours her
sudden sweet gasps
my lips hunger
for the breath she takes
my spirit is restless
for the love she makes
9/4/2000

Closing my eyes
to see a dawn inside
the technicolor rain
and floating shapes
are all I see.
I try to look harder
--deeper within--
I try to search for something
that can't be seen
Lost for moments
until I open my eyes
the tears stay hidden
instead,
I sigh....
122304~5.4p

Cold is setting in to the city
as this feeling seeps in
   so deep.
Mists of misery engulf me
and grey once again covers the skies
filtering the color and joy from my eyes.

I've grown so tired
so alone
so mired in my misery.
I get ******
I breathe a little softer
I think a little less
about how I feel.

I conjure images of mountains
and me on top
a teetering soul dying to lean
just enough to the side
then I'll slip & drop.

The sweet end to this
would be so welcome.
I'm tired of hurting;
tired of this ******* pain.
I'm sick of wishing it were over

101309~5.9p

Finding time to feel the rhyme
beyond the mind...
                      Within.
               Inside.
Feeling my breath
   within my words
hearing my thoughts...
   reverb

What I hear is you.
Your beauty, your touch,
your eyes, your face
your voice, the space
your spirit takes
   within my heart,
your hair on my cheeks
your lips on my lips
we fit.

030605~11.44p

...her eyes shine in my dusk
as a sunset burns the horizon
Her teeth flash
        as lightning
hidden beneath her smile.

2008

Oh, how soft could I love?
Spring trees in their
   glowing green
could not sing the scene
of the passion I'd share.
Lips have not moved
in such supple
    sweet speech
to touch upon the blushes
hidden beneath those fair cheeks.

I'm finding rhyme within
rhythm's soothing sigh
and longing to belong to
the skies within your eyes.
013105~6.05p

Inside my heart
is where you'll always reign
sitting upon the throne
erected in your name
Inside my heart
tattooed walls beat
they pump hard for your words
and live only for your release

051110~11.49a

I wake
To an ache
Deep within
My sinful soul
And it's you,
Only you, who
Can fill this
Empty hole.

I need you.

120309~8.44a

My dear goddess
whose lips of flame
sear into my body
to brand her name
A loyal devotion
with my body and skin
I offer you it all
in sacrifice again.

042610~11.22a

Playfully, on my *****
did her ******* painfully prance
teasing us...then tangled together
promising to tell those thoughts forever
My heavy hands
   hovering high over
   your hips:
It's so **** to see
   such a salaciously slow
   spanking.

120609~9.3p

What I feel is so confusing and so resentful,
resting like gritty stones in my stomach
Like a force-fed fowl fighting to smile
I swallowed down too much, too whole
Trying too hard to have a great time
Trying too hard to not agitate
Teeth clenched,
eyes not seeing the sights we flew around the world to see
I'm dragging you around
You're dragging me down
You want to relax
I want to explore
You just wanna go home
I never want to see that door
ever again.
I'm making myself miserable
Growing numb from the ache
I'm fighting so hard
because our lives are at stake
like a witch hunt in Salem
I feel the fires all around
But this burning doesn't feel like it used to
when we wrote so romantically to each other so long ago.

022015 ~ 12.42p

Waking moments
bring insecure pain
a Lycian soundtrack
to the constant rain
forever haunting the silence
sugar-coating the lies
with normalcy & compromise.
Still, I long to fear
   I hunger for fire
   to bring it near
   burning white beneath my skin
   sensations of living
   I miss within.
012204~12.12p

My love is burning me alive
Come wash your passion
over my body of lust
Come drench my life;
let me drown in us.

-[Unfinished]-

We immerse ourselves within
simplistic sin
speak unholy rites
to worship again
Our hands clasped
and teathered tightly
we tug & tease
into our temple of flesh.
Screams and chants
fill these halls
unending confessions
scraped into the walls
coming in unison
is our communion
opening wide for our
lustful sacrament.

With prayers offered up
against our sinful second nature
our lips are parting
within salty showers
and union is torn
as our spirits rip apart.
Why, then, is this
"following our hearts?"
070904~5.52p

What is pleasure
more than waiting forever
Knowing of a love
that can be Never

intensified yet, never realized
an eternity among days
a sun among stars
in the love of our space
burning with a brightness
that blinds the fright
and illuminates the wicked paths
within our sanguine nights

032004~6.08p

Where's the life
we all long to live?
Why are we all pushing
why do we take but never give?
I have no faith in my fellow man
I have no say in this butcherous land
I've nothing but shame
for where I stand
Yet, I'm no more shameless
for doing nothing but blaming.

It's so hard not to give up.
I try so hard to end up
so disgusted.
It seems a waste.
Even the trees that were felled
to make this book
they deserved this Earth
more than I.
102804~7.01p

Who am I?
Alive at dawn
when hope is gone
cursed to forget
when the sun has set
a monster
a vampire
a thirsty wolf
in love with fire
Who am I
that cannot breathe
cannot see what needs to be
I want to bleed
it would be nice
to take a flight
into the night
end this life
that can't be mine
Blood & wine
Blood & wine
endless circles
in the bleeding sky
night comes quick
as a razor to skin
I open myself
to see within
to feel the sting
across my skin
self control
slowly sin
deface the temple
I live within
Sanguine satisfaction
for deadly rites
blessed blood moon
be with me tonight
041104~11.41a

I miss you so hard today
I feel it in my breath
weighing so heavy
This empty loneliness
consumes when you're away
My goddess, my lover,
if ever you grant my wish
let it be today that I have you in my arms
060710~7.06a

poetessa diabolica*
Your muse is on fire!*
---
"Oh, how she inspires!
Burning through my pages
as a wildfire rages;
forever quenched, yet never tires."

062315~9.17a