I miss you so hard today
I feel it in my breath
weighing so heavy
This empty loneliness
consumes when you're away
My goddess, my lover,
if ever you grant my wish
let it be today that I have you in my arms
060710~7.06a

...
bitter stones in my eyes
dragging the ground
weighing heavy on my lacerated heart
Missing the sound
where the beating starts
where life, like the sun, shines
and pulls me into the day.
Instead, I wake
with a mind full of crimes
filtered into rhymes
Sadness still clinging
to the corners of my mouth
Eyes still stinging
from a conversation gone south
Sight flooded with doubt
Lies reaching to the skies
when I fake a smile
But my eyes can't hide
the toll of this trial.
4/15/15 ~ 8.22a

My love is burning me alive
Come wash your passion
over my body of lust
Come drench my life;
let me drown in us.

-[Unfinished]-

Death Death Death
Everywhere death
reigns supreme
in my life
in my dreams
in my laughter
in my screams
Nothing's sacred
nothing safe
The razor, she yearns
for the kiss of my face
How much more scarred
can this mirror be?
How many more cracks
til I see the real me?
I long for the times
of solace & wine
with razors & rhyme
I'd pass my time
to heal
what the rest of the world wanted
to ****
to need
something the others
are too scared
to believe
the desire for fire
underneath my skin
crawling and screaming
slowly deeper within
Metallic lips to fleshless heart
what was bled and what was shred
it never really matters what was said
All that counts
is who was left dead.
08203~1.57p

The strands of your hair left in my bed
The smell of your body on my sheets
Your beautiful noises and what you said
There's nothing about you I don't need

Your muffled sounds of pleasure lingering
throughout everything in this dawn
You bring me more pleasure than anything
There's no greater love to wish upon
060210~7.23a

Dawn.
The Enemy.
Murderer of my most sensual dreams.
Thief of my dance with death
Interrogator with light and exposure as weapons
Dawn comes too fast, too soon,
and with too much force
when all of my desire wants nothing more
than to writhe in Stygian fantasies
for the rest of my existence.
-Lesa Renee

In response to "Dawn"

Dusk.
The Protector/the Temptress.
The Twilight Goddess consuming the fire
her black shawl darkening the sky
   with looming desire
spread from her hellish cave, forlorn.
She beckons with lust within devilish dance
consuming my soul with her smells,
   taste, skin, eyes and hands.
Her torturous reward
   as I scream for your skin
is to allow but a glimpse
   of my fallen goddess' silhouette of sin.
112209~5.22p

"A cruel thief disguised as dawn
tearing me from the arms of rest
stark light and morning's caress
stealing dreams from weary eyes and tangled hair
At least while I slumber, I have you there."*
-Lesa 050610~6.23a

//In reply//

Oh, my love, how I adore you
My body aches when I am without you
Let me beg, with my body implore you
You are my light, if my senses be true
I want nothing more than to be with you.
051010~8.21a

The magic is gone
sadness reigns
if it's not anger
it's pouring rain
Lost within the madness
of fighting again
Love all but forgotten
as we take it on the chin
Communication styles
of anger and hurt
deminishing what's left
of my own self worth
Another day of wishing
I was simply gone
Insides churning misery
the pain lingers on
My world upside down
as darkness lets me hide
The pain remembered brightly
as the sun glares it's shine

Through the waves
I'm crashing
over
the sound of receding
blades
sinking slowly out &
away
drawing me open
I'll pretend I'm saved

Unlucky us
cut too quickly
violated trust
sanguinely separating
flesh
It means so much
to be connected
in physical planes
Even the sky
must touch the earth
Is that why we're closer
whenever it rains?
I know that I love...
and I know that I miss...
my reminder's this pain
and it comes like your kiss.
080504~2.17p

I imagine us
walking in fields
as green as my bowl
hand in hand
as we grow old
Yet, you're never older
just held longer in my arms

There's flowing water
in a creek nearby
the rushing sounds
creating beautiful noise
You lead us there
to the pebbled shore
Our bare feet on cool stones
fingers interlaced to feel you more
The water, invigoratingly cold
You subtly
pull me
deeper in
I am mesmerized within your eyes

I lean for a kiss
and sink under with you

I'm drowning in your love:
my desire is an anchor
I cling to
like life
It is not languor
but steadfastness
which holds me as I sink
These depths are everything
I need you around me
like rushing water
You are sustenance,
a need,
like no other.

020514 ~ 10.58a

Prayers to a distant goddess
Herbal offerings blazed
Time passes so slowly
within a starving priest's haze

011810

My sweet love
captured by a bug
oh, that I could chase it away,
bringing the light back to your day.
I'll give you kisses,
though I may catch it, too.
You have all my well-wishes
to help get you through.
I'll grab the bunny veg
(and some soup for you)
Just tell me, my love...
I'll do whatever I can do
to bring back your happiness
within that sweet Summertime Sadness.
........................................................­...................

061715~7.23a

tear up
burned out
smothered in doubt
gasping for air
and holding my breath
When it finally comes
the air shifts and
spirits lift
filling my body with love
It only takes one day
one moment
to fall back to ****
How many times
can I take this hit?
I'm ready to be done
and give up on life
If only I could travel back in time
and kick my mother in the stomach
before she made the biggest mistake of our lives
090115~6.58a

The comfort of your arms
was disguised as sleep
as I prematurely opened my eyes
to the dark cold morning.
I couldn't look for the sun,
only for you and your skin.
The heavy in my eyes
was calling to your affectionate touch.
The weight in my heart yielding
as the weight closing my eyes
blurred my thoughts.
As I embraced you in my half-sleep dreams,
calling to you with unsyllabled prayers,
you heard me and answered.
As your arms entangled me,
coaxing me back down
into my slumber of unyielding lust
knowing there's nothing more desired
than just being alone with us.

I miss you the moment you are gone.

042110~7.21a

You are mine
until the end of time
I will boldly cheat Death
in this eternal love crime

042610~8.08a

Revelatory speaking
listening to breathing
trying to slow
down to a "no."
Alluring consequences
blurring rationale
left with unchoosable choices
that society will allow.

An All or Nothing mindset
keeps us blind to a cage
that filters every word
we hold as God's page.
Contradictions clearly concealed
between the Old and the New
How can there be love
when there's a hell just for you?
041505~2.15p

I can't remember a time
without your pull in my heart
nor a moment spent (without suffering)
while we were apart
An unconscious caress
like my hands up your dress
We were meant for thunderstorms
like we were meant to be wet.

Unconscious desires
still captivate and surprise
while subconscious fires
still burn each other's eyes
Your wrists call for my grasp
looming over you, breathing
...heavy...steaming
treating each moment as though it were our last
Descending slowly
into your vibrating soul
drinking your life
consuming you whole
devouring flesh
sweet supplicating spirit
Praise me, dark rose
and I'll hold you close
with eternal arms
that never betray
and the love of vampires
til our last day
when it turns to hours
and my tears to blood
are shed on the angel
who takes my One.
...so soon to follow
with Romeo's pace
lay I by your side
to share this place.
We come from one
and I long to unite
my soulful moons
to your **** night.
Our illuminate passion
shall call the tide
and flood our bodies
with passionate sunrise.

I need your worship
I can't resist your praise
I'd release my blood
to fill your grave
to swim with my beloved
and rest where she lay.

041504~2.28a

hope
like the red sun rising
through burning forests
is beautiful and terrifying
Labored breaths,
as though smoke-filled,
burn as they are drawn in
reluctantly
in need of life, like me
Aching from self-abuse
and misuse, yet
my heart hurts more
Hoping that after the fire,
like a Jack Pine,
I'll become something new
Rather than a phoenix,
rising again only to burn
082615~8.08a

Loving the way
you squirm and try to get away
Hungry for my mouth
devouring you from the inside out
Never missing a delicious drop
Teasing and abusing your sensitive spot
Needing your desire;
willing this fire to never stop
For as long as I live, you will be my queen
I will do anything to remain your dream.
080113 ~ 8.24a

"...Enraptured and terrified
Denied and deified
Salacious and sanctified

What have you done?"*

...loved and lived
sacrificed and given
my soul to heaven
my life to hell
my mind in a purgatorial cell
pondering decisions
I made so ******* well
I chose to try
not lie, but die
prayed for a future
that couldn't survive

All of my dreams
suffocating within
sacerdotal sheets of silk
singing with sin
my only desire
to be within
this licentious fire
of our friendship ablaze
A satirical embrace
within two hearts
compressing space
separate, yet one
what have we become
but cardinal sins
within our confessional?

022604~9.12p

I love to wish
that you were mine alone
No work to enslave
just us and home
wherever that might be
Roaming the countryside,
in the mountains or at sea
Free to live without constraints
comfort within whatever remains
Hopefully, we'll get there
without being too old
finding our paradise
never too hot or too cold
Just the perfect degrees
to keep you undressed
while I'm between your knees
and no neighbors to bother
with your pleasured screams

081613 ~ 2.43p

My morning light
first captured within your eyes
before I open mine
before the ball of flame
reaches our sky
I am enamored awake
then coaxed back down
into my seductive slumber
within your arms and skin
where your lips keep pulling
my full length in

Waking without you
prompts dreams ******
so full of the fantasy
that you're always near.
051110~6.49a

Growling
tearing inside at loose pieces
angry at unjustified bitterness
that sweeps me from my peak
   Lost in whirlwinds
   that scatter debris
   like tiny blossoms
   of glistening glass
So beautiful and bright
right up to the moment
when it hits and becomes
part of me
shredding me like a dream
waking to find the loved ones
left behind are forgetting me.
How could something so perfect
be upsetting to me?

I'm lost in a disappearing act
wrapped in blood-stained curtains
that never pulled back
never exposed
never revealed
*******! I want this overbearing pain SEALED.
122304~11.4a

I'm dreaming
seamless
visions surround me
your arms around me
once again
   and until the end
let us be friends
until the Earth burns
   around us
   and within us
Let the sun consume
   our promised flesh
and allow the moon
to marry the rest
within a night of screaming souls
our world is old
so starts anew
our scorched supernova
revolves around you.
070304~9a

I reminisce on memories
of before we ever touched
Cherishing what had yet to happen
Already missing you so much
                          -Tue
Digital communication
and lifelines of long distance
shaped our love's acclimation
to suffer with our persistence
                          -Wed
A decade passed...
and then another half
just faded away
without seeing your face.
What a ******* waste.
                          -Thu
But now we have forever
because whereever
is now in my arms
And no matter how hard I love you
You still soften to my charms
                          -Fri 13, March 2015

I will remain
yours
until time collapses
Your beauty within my mind
firing the synapses
Everything I desire
burning within your eyes
Everything I crave
pillowed beneath your thighs
Mouth watering,
even as I type,
your naughty flesh burned
deep beneath my eyes
Never will I want
without your flavor on my tongue
And never shall I breathe
without your love in my lungs.
You define life and pleasure until I die
My greatest wish answered:
that you be by my side.

111813 ~ 1.39p

Whenever I feel
as I do today
I remember
all of the past
no, all of the bad past
the **** I should've forgotten
This weakness inside
has caused me to cry
and to hurt uncontrollably
...suicidally...
too much to let it go on
again...even anymore.
I believe in trust;
what darkness of the past
influences my heart to disbelieve?
Shall I face the failures
my heart has felt
can I expose them all...
even for myself?
My strength is hiding
I suppose, from itself
weakness    shadows   strength
because in weakness, strength is learned

In my state
I see clearer
I become nearer
to who I need to be
by what I see
inside of me
12/11/00 ~ 10.55p

Now, forever with
the one true for me
Time's slow gift
took so long to see:
Our hearts wouldn't shift
no matter how free
or how wide the rift
or how deep the sea.

050115~1.36p

There's more to life than work and heat
like tasting the way our lips softly meet
Desire rising like summer degrees
Can't wait to be between your knees
Patient and focused within a heat wave
Knowing you are all that I could possibly crave
Tasting your lips briefly, sweet yesterday
Driving me crazy to have my way
But I wait for cooler temps in store
It won't be long, just a few days more
God, I ******* love you like I've never dreamed
I feel like a fallen angel, finally redeemed.

070213 ~9.21a

Deep oceans of sadness
swelling and churning
threatening to capsize
all that I am
My throat speaks lies
I'm not ok.
The darkness looms
in the salty skies
My flesh grows weary
of holding itself together
I just need to cry
myself to sleep within
eternal blankets of darkness.
Comfort comes with sleep,
agony with waking.
I'm proud I'm not a sheep
but, just like them, I'm faking.
Mindlessness, hand in hand with joy
I feel alone, though friends abound
I need to cry, but
can't scream a sound.

Why am I like this?
Why so sad?
Why does my life feel so...
futile?
My words are slowing
my pen, failed.

My life struggles on
the front continues
my smiles have faded
into a dawnless dusk.

****.
122304~1.57p

Burns inside like I'm alive
I'm not afraid to die ~ not afraid to try
afraid of leaving this place tonight
afraid of ripping my soul in two
~half to keep my body alive
~half that stays here with you
An infected touch
   that brings addiction
a neverending hunger for
   just one more touch
a never-bending desire for
   what I need so much
070304~9.25a

Seeing the beauty of a sunrise
in your gorgeous sleepy eyes
I want you more than I ever realized
Touching you deeply
intensely and keeping
you all to myself.
Life without you
would surely be hell.

070813 ~6.53a

I miss the lesions
   miss the scars
   fresh & bleeding
   like soothing arms
   enclosing tight
   wrapping the pain
     in the rapture of night

My wine's heat
surfaces the memories
I've kept beneath
my high wall of stone
But, tonight
the trees are gone
and the grapes are ripe
& the wine in my mind
grasps its time
to spill my verse
like rain upon the Earth
falling on my pages
the truth is clear
- unadulterated -
like my passion.
It, too, is caged
too fierce, too strong
like a lion, enraged
trapped in mediocrity
within my rib cage
Now, it roars
usually, howls
when can it soar?
Where are you now?
122303~6.57p

Thinking how beauty
completely mystifies
everything you're about
The way your eyes
seem to sooth me
and rid me of my doubt
Your lips sing sweetly
A caress between
aggressive lust and
passionate screams
A place to meet me
where we become us.
092203~7.33p

Don't watch me go
it's not forever
only our love bears that badge.
I close my eyes because you fill them
I need to see
beyond the dreams
past you
surrounding me
you fill my pain
like warm Southern rain
shed from the eyes of a goddess
Your heart will forever be
a sacred shrine
And my offerings
will always bleed
and flood the floors
of your divine temple
You have my prayers
and I have your soul
there is no forgetting
without you, there is no whole.
Your secret place is ours
with enshrouded chests
and beating *******
I am with you for hours
alone in our minds
connected
writing parallel lines
but in time....
In time we'll connect again
physically ~ abusively
you'll have me to yourself
and you'll cry
at all the time that's gone by
we weren't living this lie
but now we cry
because we could've tried.
Now we're tired
way too soon
like a slow pounding rain
turning to monsoon
Sweeping away possessions
and cares and loves
leaving us with nothing
but time and ****.

What more did we want?
080404~7.41p

I'm so tired this morning
from dreaming so hard
I closed my eyes so tightly
dreading to wake apart
031510~6.42a

Response
Phantom shadows in my periphery
Wandering memories haunting me
Your lingering touch upon my skin
The fading feeling of you within
Light of day comes all too fast
When all I want is this dream to last.
-Lesa Renee 031510~8.03a

E. E. Cummings (1894 - 1962)

my love
thy hair is one kingdom
the king whereof is darkness
thy forehead is a flight of flowers

thy head is a quick forest
filled with sleeping birds
thy ******* are swarms of white bees
upon the bough of thy body
thy body to me is April
in whose armpits is the approach of spring

thy thighs are white horses yoked to a chariot
of kings
they are the striking of a good minstrel
between them is always a pleasant song

my love
thy head is a casket
of the cool jewel of thy mind
the hair of thy head is one warrior
innocent of defeat
thy hair upon thy shoulders is an army
with victory and with trumpets

thy legs are the trees of dreaming
whose fruit is the very eatage of forgetfulness

thy lips are satraps in scarlet
in whose kiss is the combinings of kings
thy wrists
are holy
which are the keepers of the keys of thy blood
thy feet upon thy ankles are flowers in vases
of silver

in thy beauty is the dilemma of flutes

thy eyes are the betrayal
of bells comprehended through incense

E. E. Cummings (1894 - 1962)

Always wondered
what it'd be like to be
the one you came home to
the one you see
when those eyes open
to the morning sun
what it'd be like
to be the one
you kissed good-night
and held to tight.
I've only known you
at a distance
never pulled you close
without resistance.
I understand.
I accept my role.
I'm only a piece
of what makes you whole.
I'm not your life;
you're not my wife.
It's never "just us,"
it's deadlines and lust.
It's sharing my love
through stolen moments;
given my fantasy
and allowed to own it.

I want to make you scream
at a moment's demand
but I only get whispers
when you're with your man.
Limited time
to touch and fear
Unlimited rhymes
to draw you near
But, even these
have turned to guilt
and the white flowers of passion
are beginning to wilt.
My rhymes are my life
and I'm showing you inside
my passionate anger & pain
only because you cry.
It weeps inside,
my precious pain,
it colors my days
like Portland rain.
The color of our love
within all shades of grey
bittersweet winter skies
hold my life in sway.

012110~11.37p

Still riddled with holes
straight through my soul
An empty longing
A hollow belonging
I miss it all
(except the ****)
I yearn for an escape
yet, I can't stay lit
I'm so lonely
I'm scared to form a bond
Grasping so firmly
to something so insubstantial
is nothing but a trainwreck.

070909~6.51p

This love for you begins
in the darkness
I wake with my thoughts
of us together inside
of a world collapsed
around our lives
Leaving a shining sun
where we used to lay
Where you become my heaven
and I, your day.

040910~6.56a

sinking under
this mirrored surface
one last glance
at who I am
undertows from inside
the water flows
to where I hide
distorted vision
time rushing past
to say, "I love you"
took my last gasp
051501~12.4p

Looking forward to the night
when you are mine
and within my realm
the pressure pushing us closer
Moving together
Sweat and lust
grabbing flesh and hip thrusts
Moving so sensually is
always so easy for us
coming so natural
--like breathing--
The looks, the touches, the teasing....

041610~6.42a

Where's the life
we all long to live?
Why are we all pushing
why do we take but never give?
I have no faith in my fellow man
I have no say in this butcherous land
I've nothing but shame
for where I stand
Yet, I'm no more shameless
for doing nothing but blaming.

It's so hard not to give up.
I try so hard to end up
so disgusted.
It seems a waste.
Even the trees that were felled
to make this book
they deserved this Earth
more than I.
102804~7.01p

...her eyes shine in my dusk
as a sunset burns the horizon
Her teeth flash
        as lightning
hidden beneath her smile.

2008

My love for you
is endless as time
You give me hope
You inspire my rhyme
You're the only goddess
I've ever met
I need you forever within my arms,
My adored
Juliet

041210~7.1a

To the lovely goddess
who turns my gaze and
captures my heart
for the rest of our days:

I love you, I love you
I'll say it forever
We're a storm of passion
within inclimate weather
I see your eyes
Like I see the sun rise
I wish every dawn
you'd bleed across my sky
Illuminating hope
with the rest of your life
My old world ends
within your light

030510~7.15a

What is pleasure
more than waiting forever
Knowing of a love
that can be Never

intensified yet, never realized
an eternity among days
a sun among stars
in the love of our space
burning with a brightness
that blinds the fright
and illuminates the wicked paths
within our sanguine nights

032004~6.08p

Waking this dawn
the fire flickers on
Rekindling the flame
ever-burning in your name
The light from your love
wakes me with smiles
You are always near me
though distanced by miles
Knowing you are coming
to see me today
brings hope within longing
in the most beautiful way.
052010~6.3a