On her walk,
she treaded the path,
brainstorming the incident
and facing the aftermath.
Along came a man,
walking on his own,
little did she have in mind,
this is someone she had known.

“Why the long face?
why the tears,
why the chin so low?
May you open your ears?”

She replied,
“I wish I cold tell you,
but I really don’t know.
Who I am or where I belong.
I thought I loved myself
but perhaps I am wrong.”

The man looked at her
astonished by her
honesty,
he could see that she needed to be
told she was fine and deserved to be
happy.

“Oh the places you’ll go,
That is a book I wrote I’m sure
You must know?”

“Yes,
I read it as a child,
When it was okay to be
Fun, crazy, and wild.
Wait a second,
Dr. Seuss,
is it you?!
I read your books growing up,
and the meanings were oh so
true!”


“I love your feedback,
very genuine, you raise the bar.
Now what’s wrong with who, or how you are?
Do they say you take it too far?”

“I lose friends every year.
I come off as too strong,
I lose control when I go out
and they say I no longer belong.
I then get excluded and I spend weekend nights alone,
I don’t want it to be this way,
I want to show everyone I have grown.
I’m the reason drama happens but I only want to
Have fun.
I told them I love myself,
And they told me to
go away,
Run.”

“Who is they?
Might I ask,
You’re like the
“Cat in the hat.”
But the mess gets cleaned up
in the end,
You just have to say,
“Yes I did that.””
Knowing when to draw the line
Is just as important
As knowing how to have
A real good
Time.”


“That’s the thing,
I don’t know when.
I think I’m being too loud
But when I’m quiet
I feel drowned.
I feel like I have only myself,
I’m like the Grinch,
I’m alone on a mountain so angry
I have no help.
No friends,
nobody loves me,
wants me,
invites me,
they tell me they’ve had enough,
my frustration is as high as the sky.
I hate having no one
I don’t know how much more
I can try..”

“My goodness,
you’re so upset,
I’m sorry this is how you feel.
Now this may sound ironic what I am to tell you,
but you are the one who makes it
real.
You are loved
You just have to accept,
You have some work to do
But you must let go of
Regret.”

“Mr. Seuss,
I live alone and I never sweep my floor.
I give my friends space,
But they always ask for more.”

“But you’re in control,
You just need to note,
Your confidence is there,
Now anchor your boat.
Take the anchor out of the ground
When you’re ready to go somewhere new.
Be a captain,
I see a leader in you.
Do you remember Horton?
The elephant that heard a ‘Who.’
If you spend time solo,
Someone like a ‘who,’
Will call for you.
They’ll need you.
They’ll want you,
They’ll be there for you
Too.
As Horton Said himself,
“A person’s a person no matter how small.”
The little ‘who’s’ told Horton he did nothing
but save them all!
Sometimes we people hear what we don’t want,
But think of it as honesty and then you let it go and you show them what you got,
Like,
“You must not hop on pop.”
Or,
Your heart may grow and you’ll be surrounded for a Christmas Dinner.
You are not a loser,
You are a winner.”

“Thank you, Dr. Seuss,
I’m no longer on the loose.
I may have had illogical moments,
But I have so many things to choose.
I may have had a loss,
but I am for now on proud to be alive,
there will sometimes be a cost,
but this is my life,
I am the boss!
I’m continuing my walk now,
I really needed this encounter with you,
Thank you for your words of wisdom,
And I will wait to hear from my “who.””

“Now I wish you the best of luck,
My sweet dear.
I love that you live a life of lessons,
And have nothing to fear.
Your rules are your own,
You know what you are after,
“Those who mind,
Don’t matter,
Those who don’t mind,
Matter.”
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to great places,
you’re off and away.”

“And I am the person
who will decide where I
go.
Goodbye Dr. Seuss,
you’re a true friend,
I just have to move on and go forward
this story will never end!
You are a good man
and a blessing of a
‘Who.’
Right now,
this moment,
I will start happening
too.
Thank You.”

I listen and I learn,
I ramble and I pant,
I get up and I leave,
because they said I can’t.
No filter photo of me,
holding a white mug with tea,
featured on Instagram with likes,
and no others around me riding our
bikes.
I go at it alone,
I hang by myself.
I love this company,
but deep down,
I want someone
else.
Opinions do matter,
actions speak louder than
words.
When the tree turns red and orange leaves,
the season has changed, time has
turned.
I listen and I learn,
to my own conscious.
It tells me not to beg,
let the others just
have it.
The photograph will be taken
with me in it someday.
There is a reason I get excluded,
let the truth come what may.
There is the right person,
somewhere somehow.
If this poem is going on too long,
I’ll stop here.
See,
I showed you
how.
Have your space,
and I need some too
right now.

Up and down the slide,
it’s really a short ride,
I try to have drive,
I am still alive,
I continue to strive,
I have reached the ground unblind,
I am going back up the ladder,
wonder if I’ll feel the same after.
Every trip down the slide,
every second on the swing,
every time I touch the ground after the firepole
or twirl a ring.
I play this game alone,
see who else comes along,
I go up and down the slide,
not doing anything
wrong.

Threatened and hurt I felt
if someone ever had to go.
Older and wiser I became
and then I was able to know:
your time is a gift,
it is from you to me.
calandars get fuller everyday
but yours is yours to see.
Forget credit cards and
Jack Daniels in shotglasses,
think about the paid hours we need
and to pass those classes.
We are adults
but our freedom isn’t free.
No matter how long we hung out,
thank you
for spending that time
with me.

I remember your home address,
Have you taken time to remember
Mine?
Stamped with colors and sealed with my saliva
I have once again committed a crime.
The tough positions and neediness
leave me feeling guilty and worthless.
In the end some things do matter,
dig in my bag to find the receipt
I’ll return this beautiful party platter.
Go home from the store sit on my bed and start to cry,
Sure was looking forward to that cheesecake and sharing the large pizza pie.
I acted up, I did it again,
I send these apology letters to all my lost friends.
I wish nothing but the best for each and every one of you,
I promise you’ll go out with sharper people
guaranteed their credit cards will go through.

I feel so tired but I cannot be still and rest.
I want to be alone, then be with friends, and
when I am with friends, I want to be left
alone.
I am aspie, I am bipolar, I am crazy, I am calm.
I have rage inside that is translated with humor,
I am very smart with gifted observations
not even the brilliant
can find.
This phase of anxiety intriguing my thoughts that
I will never make it on my own,
and my fears that my friends are buying plane tickets
and booking cruises without my knowledge
have unpacked their bags and are having foot massages
in my mind.
It is not true,
it is temporary,
it is not all about me,
I want my circle to be all about
happiness and trust,
compassion and gratitude,
pictures of natural poses
no ******* in the cheekbones nor do we
put on any light filters of black and white or
neon orange and green.
I feel so tired but I do fall asleep to practice
doing what I need to do for me.
I will spend equal time alone and out together,
I am strong, I have power, I am kind, I am titled as a
friend, sister, daughter, employee, ex-girlfriend, client,
intern, volunteer, but most of all,
human.
No human was ever and is ever made to be perfect.
It is normal to be depressed and reach out in need.
Don’t take your life,
just take your time,
and if you must play the game by your own rules,
do it until you function like the newest machine, iphone,
or crazy new invention that trends.
New rules build new trends and thoughts in our minds.
Shall we stay in a learning world and learn?
Sounds like a good plan.
We are enrolled for the same
purpose.

Intelligence by comfort and limitations
Gradually putting down those who have interest in what they don’t share
Never going out of their way to learn something new
Obedient to their own views
Ridding of current and new information
Acting as if they are right when they are so wrong
Need to be better informed
Creating barriers and unnecessary boundaries
Educated minimally

I knew there was jeopardy,
in our hearts and our minds.
Blood flowing amongst your lungs,
and to many breaths in mine.
Our eyes saw one another
as the same but different
color.
The virtue of patience grew mutually,
I just sat and thought of the day
you would be daddy and I would be
mother.
Long distance is anything but easy,
you never know how you really
are
until that infection hits you
hard in the
gut.
You knew you had to go,
you questioned if staying was worth it,
if I was the one thing keeping you alive,
the truth made you realize
I wasn’t.
Since we broke up and you hung up
first,
I have carried on with
blood, sweat, and tears,
and alcoholic thirst.
Every new man who approaches me
makes me crave your love once more.
I just pretend I was your one and only
and heaven was the last open door.
I find comfort in imagining our
break up call like this:
I heard your voice last as
they turned off the machines
and my heart shattered with
broken glass,
of picture frames of my visions
of you, me,
and our two sons and
daughter.
I will never find another man like you,
you were perfect
you just couldn’t believe it too.
But I know you are alive and
breathing,
if I see you again,
please tell me
I was the one
who taught you to
love yourself
you were such a gift
in my life,
I panic when I ask if I
was a gift in
yours.
I reminisce you as if you died
peacefully  in bed with dialysis machines and wires
hooked to your heart.
I was the last one who loved you,
who you held and protected in your
chest.
Those weren’t the only wires
that had to carry you through
as I was with you at the time.
So rest in peace,
You are one I will never forget.
You live in the sky with angels,
I continue my life with
regret.
I miss you,
teddy bear.
You were on dialysis,
so you being gone forever
is only
fair.

I knelt to a tile floor,
of a busy mall,
I was working at a table,
I looked down and saw your head with
long black hair fall.
You put your head in my lap
you broke down and cried,
I remember you rejected me
but this is how I replied.
You had tears down your face
I held you in my arms,
I called you ‘Superman’,
you cried and later felt
my warmth.

My eyes opened wide,
the sun was out,
I was alone in my bed and my room was quiet,
It was just a dream, I felt a tear and a pout.
I was reminded that in reality you are gone and away,
I dreamed you were crying, and the dream said you would
stay.

You don’t have to, it’s fine, just live your life
how you need.
I will always remember your timeline,
and how I did wonder if you would come to me
with greed.
I called you ‘Superman’ in my dream,
though that must be the one thing that was real.
You have come so far,
that name I call you is truth no steal.

You may be gone but I still have immense respect for
you and your life.
You have come so far, you are a ‘Superman’,
continue with your dignity and drive.
I consoled you as you cried in a dream
I pray will someday prove my clairvoyance
and therefore come
alive.

If you’re never going to love me,
and when you do, you’re not going
to do it right,
I appreciate your absence.
My heart has grown fonder for a
proper gentleman, not a lazy sloth
who can’t go out of his way for a
beautiful woman.
You lied,
you hurt,
you messed up,
you never got worked up,
for me to be in your sad pathetic
life.
Since I am gone and I know
you are too,
I only want you to love
yourself.
It is the best thing you can do right
now for you and for everyone around you.
Start with yourself
so you never
hurt another
woman.

Know yourself,
not just the bad,
know your limits,
forget the trauma
you once
had.
Feel your hands touch
your face,
be grateful for your
individual look.
Quit eyeing everyone
around you,
sit down with a
reading book.
Jealousy is a force,
nerves are
automatic.
Anger is unacceptable
and hostility is
dramatic.
Mean spirited behavior is
wrong,
so turn it into a play, book, movie,
or song,
and we can all join along,
and feel your pain.
Sometimes witnessing
is how you win
the game.

None of the pictures are to burn,
no memory is going to be in my
heart's urn.
Looks like we have a chance to
see others and take a different turn.
You sure were one to teach me about love,
and I know there are thousands of things
I helped you learn.
Love is something that comes along,
you don't wait to earn.
Relationships don't include
attitudes that are stern.
When they do,
let it go and with yourself
be firm.
Carry on,
don't yet start searching,
just
learn.

I persevere and push aside every stabbing
and chanting thought of seeing something I want
to keep die and be buried in the ground.
Us was one thing that died and the day you
said you couldn’t take it anymore,
my heart was cracking, but why
it didn’t break:
Optimism took over me and I
was right to give you the greif.
Happiness has overcome me and
so many fears that aired inside do not
exist so I am not polluted.
I don’t have to worry about you and
the sneaky and inconsiderate things
you did to me.
If you really loved me,
you would have bent over backwards
to see me.
You just kept me waiting and waiting,
and I let you go, but wanted to be sure
you were not going to come running
back to me.
Don’t.
I don’t want you as a lover anymore.
Friends, fine. I still like you for you,
and I do care for you.
Lovers, maybe not. This got too
complicated and demanding,
I was aggressive,
you were weak.
I’m happy and you better be too.
Now you are free to lay back and relax,
not talk to me, drop out of college,
quit your job, go to bed,
and don’t you dare pretend I am
next to you.
I’m not mad at you,
I am just not at all in desire to
love you like that again.
I let you go,
and I have more of a life itself
than an insular love life.
Hey, you gotta see it as more than
just two people.
Everyone should be
included
too.

Those who don’t learn
will never understand the difference
between given and
earn.
Those who come off as angry and
aggressive are found as
manipulative and
possessive.
Those who are rude and unkind
are pitied like those who are
deaf and blind.
Crimes are accused by those
who are threatened by others talents
so they claim their being not better as
‘abused’.
Those who were never told no
have nothing else to say except,
‘ok, let it go’.
People are going to do what
they are going to do.
People think they are better
then everyone else and
feel mortified when their facts
are false.
Those who raise their voices and scold
to grab attention were never taught
to take a deep breath, see the surroundings,
and prior to it see the correction.
Get out there,
accept the world for
what it has and what
it is going to be.
Think of all those people
who look down and think
horrible things of me.
They are right,
I’m just one of a kind.
They are smarter,
and my intelligence makes
their teeth grind
Ha ha,
you never thought I could.
I function fine though I have
a mind that says I would…
succeed…..
looks like its not me in for a
rude awakening.
Wake the **** up,
smell the ******* coffee,
drink it,
and go about your way.
It’s a new day.
I express a point of view,
and if you take it that way,
I aint holding back,
fine,
I'll call it a
*******
too.
*******.

I used to come here and laugh along while people
turned, looked up to me, and asked me to play.
I would join, I would mess everything up, and
everyone laughed along until
I became closer to someone
who was special to
me.
I would come in again and I would
be scolded for putting down the wrong
card,
and I would be ignored by
everyone.
What happened?
Did you want me to stay independent?
Did you not want me at all?
Today I tried to go in and I stopped
myself when I was at a point where I couldn’t
be seen.
I’ll never be seen as someone strong with power
by any of you.
I quit for a reason,
and it is not normal to walk into a room
with a pounding chest and blood sweat and
tears.
I was told prior to my attempt I should come
in every once in a while.
Not happening.
Do you want me to stay or do you want me to go?
I never mattered anyway.

Minutes become hours,
hours form into days.
Days become useless as
I just wait and wait to hear
and see,
feel and touch,
laugh and cry with the people
I love.
Times change and so do others.
I have declared myself growing with
the room that is there.
Feedback is only said once.
Careful what you say,
maturity has no give and take,
it is a commitment.
I waited so long,
I am not dragging my feet anymore.
These jobs are playing hard to get
no matter how I feel comfortable
applying.
These people I love will have no
reason to play hard to get.
I am growing into an adult.
OH MY GOD,
it is coming.
Where will I be?
What am I going to do?
Do you agree this is what I am good at?
Will you still love me even if my mistakes and flaws
don't give you an opportunity to yell at me,
tell  me what to do,
lecture me,
and be superior?
Now look who is playing
hard to get.
Nobody gets
anymore excuses
from me.
Hello there.

Why don't you put on a pair of shoes
since you claim you
walk
      on
        eggshells?
My missed cue does not become your
own to guide me.
I'd
    rather
             go at life
                 alone.
We force, we shame,
we freak out
we move out.
We never see the forest through
the trees.
I have no problem
cutting down
your
trunk.
Nothing is left after I do what is hurtful
but
allowed.
I move on.
I'm a joke to you.
You're a mistake to me.
This is the world I live in with my problem
beginning with the letter
A.
I keep it on the
DL.
Everyone figures it out.
Have you ever had your face controlled
by your cognitive?
Be grateful you don't,
but do not be showing it by
making fun of me.
Real adults entertain themselves without hurting others to make themselves feel better.
Okay,
I should go now.
I'm not the one who chose to be
rude, condescending, disrespectful,
Superior.
What is the real joke?
My aspien being,
or your seeing this awkward interaction
as your time to shine.
I'll be laughing at you, but keeping the giggles
to myself, my darling.
I shine in my own time,
and nobody has
to know.

Please go away,
I beg of you please,
I pick up the phone,
I get on my knees.
I take off my clothes,
I cut off my hair,
the **** in you
has the victim in me
aware.

We think we are king and queen
when we feel the concern.
Other people’s mistakes are
what let our insecurities burn.
Here I am naked and
with hair I despise.
Did you forget your sympathy
when you saw the anger in my eyes?

The anger within,
can only begin,
with the fear
of going out
of ones
way.

The amount of control
you pretend to have
over me
gives me no reason
to stay.
But I will sit here until
you give me my clothes back,
you take away these scissors,
and you let your kindness
relapse.

Go back to the kind one
I know you can be.
But it’s too late,
I’m traumatized
by this memory.
I’ll think, I’ll cry,
don’t even let yourself
have another try.
It’s only a loss
when you look at yourself as
the Boss.

I can't trust you anymore.
If I told you I was sorry,
you would respect my will.
If I told you I was traumatized,
I am a survivor of abuse, and I
have a troubled past,
you would say it was all
my fault.
You walk away and lift your
hands in the air and say,
"just saying".
I hear the dominance loud and clear,
but when you hear the kindness from me
as simple and sweet as can be,
I demand,
you
Learn and
stop
knowing
everything,
You know you really don't,
why be two faced?

I know what I did was wrong
I would always
Be there

I just wanted to belong
I know you
Don't even
Care

The memory that dominated my time at the time
to take out my iPhone 6 and shoot an image
of whoever whatever wherever.
I sit at my computer and I look at all the pictures
and why we can’t have these moments again.
What did I do?
Was I mean?
Can we have it again?
Why not?
If you saw me crying this very moment as I type
these words on the same laptop I keep the photographs saved,
would you want to be saved as well to be a part of my life?
I will never try and make you stay,
I won’t beg,
but I continue to cry, for this is the power of a photograph.
Never thought I would want to belong so bad.
At least in a photo with us standing together and our
arms around each other,
I had it once,
and I know I’ll have it again.
Even if it isn’t you,
someone can help me.
You’ll be making new memories,
and I’ll be alone making a
collage of the photos I saved.
(Click)
This is me now,
alone.

They say every rose has it's thorn,
and every baby has it's mother.
They tell me that if the shoe fits, wear it,
and there are two sides to every story.

What if,
the rose makes my hands bleed,
what if the baby lost it's mother,
what if I don't like this shoe,
and what if the story is too hard to
hear?

I am full of grit but as everyone else,
I fear what I don't know.
What will it be like when we are
hours away, I'm here and you are
not?
This love has shaped me into a
better woman,
and has made me aware of how
beautiful and angelic I am.

We can do this together,
long distance,
and still in love.
As time goes and we get closer
to where priorities meet,
I just don't know how it will be.
It won't be easy,
but what is?

Searching for your own self and only you be the judge

Pretend it is only you in the world and nobody else matters right now

Accept your looks, your gifts, your talent, and most of all, you

Come clean that it is only a moment before you reach back out and help      others who need you, even if it feels they use you.

Eat well, go outside, laugh, pray, and be happy, but don’t take this time for granted.

Where are you to hold me when I need you to?
Where are the understanding thoughts others have of my imperfections when I can't help myself either?
Why do the horrid memories replay in my hippocampus when I thought I already turned them off?
Where is my mania to squash my depression half?
Why do I seem helpless and wait forever to succeed in the adult world?
Why do I get so intensely excited then become an antagonistic monster?
Why did I not know then what I know now?
Becoming a victim completely unaware.
Proved wrong and I strip to be the bad one
so everyone shuts up.
Humiliated and hurt and everyone looks out for me.
Naive behavior and hunger too strong I steal from others.
Tears swelling in front of small children.
A girl who wanted nothing but for me to suffer.
A boy who wanted nothing but my genitals.
A troubled woman who wanted nothing but my time.
A guy who wanted nothing but for me to be his *****.
A guy who possessed me,
Though everyone at some point
Did.
I've been owned, abused, humiliated, hurt, assaulted, victimized, bullied, made fun of, attempted to **** myself, blown off, screamed at, fought with, admonished, antagonized, used, looked down on, bossed around, yelled at, pushed, shoved, thrown away.
Today,
I have love that is a beautiful miracle and proof I will be loved without being pushed into what's only for him.
I have a few good friends who care and don't grab my hand.
I occasionally hate who I'm becoming when the anger within is the kraken in my body swerves herself around me inside slowly and aggressively.
Only way she comes out is through profane vulgarity in my words and through my lips.
They're gone,
They're not mine,
They're hurtful,
But remember they're only for a moment.
I'll be done with the anger one day someday,
and the kraken is just a myth.
Though my traumatic stories may seem like a myth too,
be grateful I'm still here and
smiling.:)

I am never used to optimism,
I am only used to the humiliation in
the end,
the consequence,
and what daydreaming via excitement
can lead to.

I am never used to planning,
I think,
I don’t.

I am getting used to learning and growing
from the consequences of ambition
God knows where this jump roping feeling
in the mind can lead to,
and the tequila ******* in the heart can
push into.

I am not used to putting and bringing
people together without some form
of shock in my system.
I am the bad guy,
afterall.

Putting feelings together of lust and desire are
the privilege and curse of having someone on your mind
and questioning yourself however you do and however insecure you feel.
Putting together the words and steps of how to approach and
spell out that you like them are the scariest and most skeptical
letters you will ever choose in your life.
Once you said them, they are gone from inside, and then taken care
of outside like the mother bears with their cubs and the rabbits with
their babies,
we knew there was something there, forgetting  the questions and thoughts.

Putting together a relationship makes you nothing but ambitious
and your eyes glitter, you look nowhere but up thanking the world
you are where you are, it is what it is, and you are who you are.
Putting together the days you will come together again are when you
lay in bed alone, and pray you will lay together soon again.
Putting together a life is crucial and emotional,
times change, so does everyone, and nothing lasts forever.
I love you, and I know you do too.

Being young not wanting to get old for the first time in my life,
I could never put anything together, pull myself together, or
mature if you and I were not together.
We will see where we go, this journey, this time, this phase,
this relationship,
I love being together with you, feeling your touch and your brown
eyes lock onto me, and your long black hair flowing in the wind,
you make me feel like a beauty queen whenever I feel like a disaster.
I feel you too and I see in your smile you feel like the king of the world
as I want you to.
Complications are conquerable, age is a number, time goes by, and how I
feel your warmth just by thinking how we can put things in place and grow
together,
we will have to see what happens,
I like this vision.

I don’t want to hurt you,
but I have no choice.
You have a better life,
and a hearable voice.
You got it,
and I lost so much more.
I will speak my hostility once,
and pray our intimacy will be
the way it was
before.
It doesn’t work that way
yes I know.
Your being happy is just
screaming to me you have
pride and ego.
I’ll never have the plans and excitement
so I can never dare.
I hope for misery to happen to you someday
and that will get you to put it down
look at me,
and say you
care.
I know you do but you have more
on your mind than I do in
my own.
Let me ask you this,
when is the last time
you were left
grieving and alone?
You’ll find me at
home,
I will never be well
known.

When you walk out of the room like that,
do you know how that reflects on me?
When you choose someone else's posse over
what I created,
how do you think that makes me feel.
There was once me, lost and disgraceful,
now here I am, found and hated.
I made this for us not me.
This is how I got what I needed when there
we're thoughts leading to chances.

When I sit and stare out the doorway,
do you know how it hurts when there are more than thousands of footsteps and no hearts to care?
When the hour goes by, how would you feel if you worked so hard and stood alone?
Everyone knows I'm a fool,
I'm weird,
Inept.
You cannot **** what you did not create.
For once and for all,
leave it up to me.
I saw it dead and gone from the beginning,
but anything that becomes dead,
it's not going to be me.

This virtue
I have learned from your warmth
and understanding of my imperfections.
This time
who would ever know it would be this intriguing youre not here and I'm not there.
The anxiety
drilling disbelief in my head,
when I think of you and hear your voice in my head,
hope and belief in this love pours itself and cements the holes in my mind.
Avid desire
to be beside you and tell you everything,
I want to hear everything from you and how you are.
It takes time to be together again, none of it would happen without the patience you taught me.
I look forward to seeing you again.

This one is for the girl who thinks  she's the boss.
For the condescending one recovering from a major loss.
To the boy who has future expectations higher than the testosterone out of control.
For the one in the group who says everyone is nothing but a toll.

I write this through disappointment based off of the sayings of "no".
We hold hands around ones we trust, and we are commanded to let our hands go.
We see eye to eye, the others are worth a furious cry.
Pray for all to change and become pale as we are around the same table at five pm.
Groaning and cringing at the thought we would be meeting here again.

It's hard to see others have a stronger connection through love and trust.
After the first date, we put time for you,
yet you continued to sulk and therefore you cussed.
Speaking competitively to him and good thing you men resolved all the stress.
Though the rudeness I continued to have dissolved in my heart that had a spot for our group,
turns out I was the one who was loved the less.

To the guy who rolled his eyes as my boyfriend and I held hands on a couch.
To the one who saw us kissing and looked like you were about to scream "ouch!"
To the girl who grew up just to feel alright again.
To the other girls who approved of us and are my best friends.

So forget you, I'm gone.
I learned that I was wrong
to try and belong,
I thought we'd get along.
I will never change to become one of you
the interests you obtain I don't wish to follow  through.
Not one congratulations on us being together.
That night I decided to leave you it wasn't now or never,
It is what I should have done long before I had.
We were just another dysfunctional group of people
who saw each other's success as something insufferable and a reason to be sad.
It wasn't about us,
It was about making up for what we couldn't have in our personal lives.
So live up to your fullest, and from me, expect no more
begging replies.
(Sighs);)

Shake your head as many times as you want,
say no once and call yourself estranged.
Walk alone and see the light,
take it for granted as they took you.
This is how miserable people think and what
ignoramuses do.
Making room and setting limits is all about
protection.
It took til now to be alright with independent strides and freedom highways.
Tailgates light the way and green highway signs tell me it's never too late and I can go
anywhere.
Even if nobody comes with me,
I keep them in mind.
If I pull over to look at directions and panic while praying for the lord above to guide me,
the gas tank is half empty half full.
Within the half amount of gas I have on my freedom ride, there are happy memories within my mixed feelings of letting you go.
I say to myself,
"What would they have done?"
The time I knew you is the time I needed you.
I don't need you but I still have plenty of room for you in my car and someday my life.
You come in anytime,
Let's go, and let ourselves
Go.

Just think of me as part of the past,
part of the problem,
part of the reason
to step up for
Yourself.
If you're one of the guys,
think of how lucky you are
you're not walking down church
steps with the handle of my coffin
in your right or left hand.
If you're one of the girls,
think of how lucky you are
to be thinner than me with
less problems.
I have 99,
you won't be one anymore.
I'll deal with it by getting iced
coffee alone and focusing on
reality only.
I never understood fantasy,
and you'll never learn how to
understand
me.

Feeling your face pressed to my shoulder and hearing you breathe as you teared,
I held you close, you held me too,
never did I want to let go of the moment,
or a perfect love like you.
You know my story, my secrets, my struggles.
You know I try, I fight, I continue when I don't win.
I know your story, your secrets, your struggles.
You try so hard, you fight til the end, what I learn from you makes me a better person.
Neither of us are perfect,
but we agree we are for one another.
Even when times are hard and the worst thought comes to mind,
I rest in your arms, you hold me close and tight,
and I think of how long I want to live with you
by my side.
I surrender the thoughts,
and hold on to
you.
I love you.<3

The more I think about it
and hold a drink in my hand
I sip some more and hope my
drunk eyes will **** the night
over.
It's better than killing
myself.
The desire has been on inside
me like a light switch.
I turn it off but someone
always manages to turn it on
before I reach it.
If I am to reach anything,
it will be my destiny,
the thoughts aren't real, and
depression and mania will have
their matches in the ring.
I may seem like someone new the
next day or minute,
but you can always expect to
see me again the next day
or minute.
The thoughts happen and don't
go anywhere,
but I'm here to stay
only because I
want to in all
honesty.

Bad thoughts-(SWITCH OFF)
Good thoughts-(SWITCH ON)
And see the light that is here on
earth.

I was at the point of breaking
for far too long.
I patched up and allowed no
cracking or shattering for all
to see my good side.
I am now broken and in
pieces getting bigger and
lower in the heart.
So much I don’t want to do
and so many things I can’t
think about anymore since
I’ve been gone.
I came off too strong and too
soon I came off to you.
At least everyone is happy,
though I see the twinkle in
your eye.
It tells me you remember me.
As long as you remember just
one good thing about me,
I’m fine with everyone having
fun without me.
I don’t want to come back, but
for this phase to end.
It’s killing me,
it’s a child’s murderer,
a mother’s death,
a father’s abuse,
a daughter’s ****,
a son’s suicide,
an elder’s coma,
a change that effects
so many once one is
gone.
Never did I want to say
goodbye but just how I
felt about the
differences between you
and me.
There was nothing and always
the  suicidal thoughts,
but I stayed to see and find if
you would love me for me
only.