you always were my muse
for good times
and for bad times
I always had you

I wrote poems filled with anger
others filled with lust
some with loving phrases
some with hateful verses

you were always my muse
when I was struggling
I had you to write about
everyday there was something new

maybe that was part
of our day to day battle
fighting for something
while fighting over nothing

fighting to feel anything
fighting about dumb things
up and down
back and forth

you always were my muse
and this poem proves
that without my consent
I guess you still are

When I use words profane
I lose everything I obtain
From swearing to swearing off
     I can’t abstain  
From beginning to end
     Friends start to wane

In and out of my hands
     I cannot hold onto a bit
     For I treat them like ****

Your sun was hot
Heating my inside and out
        Warming my spirit
        Friends — we are it

My dark days were over
My four leaf clover
        Oh what great luck
        ‘‘Twas I that was plucked

A ****, not a flower
So small, not a tower
        But still you chose me
        Filling me with glee

Your sun was hot
And the water was caught
        Drying the streaks
        Of tears on my cheeks

Kisses on my lips
Kisses on my neck  
    Laying in the back
Thinking — what the heck

Stars in the night sky
Above the truck bed
    Thinking of the things
That I wanted said

I think back to that night
It was so so cold
    I thought when clung to you
Of growing old

I don’t regret that night —
I regret things now
    So, I am wishing the best
The best for thou

Rocks, all around me
    Rocks, under my feet
Walking through the day
As I suffer the heat

Water, I need some
    Water, there is none
Thirsty and dry
Dried by the sun

Love, just as much
    Love, my life’s crutch
There is no more
I miss your - touch


I hung my legs off a porch to do some reading. There were parts that were high and low, but the ground was out of reach. I sat with my legs dangling for an hour. When it came to my attention, I had to ask myself — why had I chosen the spot closest to the ground? For the ground was out of reach.

Brown Hair
  Blue Eyes
    Big Smile
Strip him down bare
See if he cries
He is just a child

Stripped of his armor
Where is his valor?

Things are different - like I wanted,
But not how I wanted.
I thought if I got away I would be happier,
But by separation I am daunted.

I waited and waited as my anger brewed
Making me into a really mean dude.
Part of me wanted to be angry - and sad
And I regret all of those things I said

Our relationship, what we forged it into, always felt like a roller coaster. Up and down and up and down and up and down. I could only ride so long before I got sick... And not sick of you, but of me. I was so angry, which I know you knew - I was so angry and sad, but I don't exactly know why. I should not have taken it out on you. As the only person that really understood me, you were the last person that I should have taken it out on. That does not mean that at some points I wasn't genuinely mad and upset with you; But there at the end I didn't really know who I was or who I was aspiring to be. I wasn't feeling anything emotionally except for anger and sadness, and that was my problem not yours.

I am sorry again
For the many things I made you go through
My nine lives are running out
And I'm down to my last few.