"I love you"

No that's no right
It can't be
No not in your eyes
Love it too much of a strong word
There is warmth in your eyes...
No not warmth, desire
You have a beautiful lopsided smile...
No not smile, a smirk
I feel butterflies when we touch...
No not butterflies, moths
There is no warmth in this relationship
Just lust
This isn't what I asked for
To become your toy
This isn't what I wanted
To sleep in an empty bed

"I adore you"

No that's not true
You never pay attention to Me
Just my body
What it can give you
My personality and emotions
Don't exist

"I idolize you"

Mm try again
Every time we go out
Your eyes aren't trained on me
Or the newest watch in the window
But on the other girl
The one a few feet away from you
Returning that look

No it's not
"I love you"
Nor is it
"I adore you"
Not even close to
"I idolize you"
No...none of that

"I lust for you"

Yeah, this is it
This is all that this relationship is built on

Lust.

There is a storm coming.
Never have I ever heard these words falling like rain.
The way they've fallen past the lips I've kissed too many times.
There's a storm coming.
Never have I ever heard these insults, striking like hail.
The way that those eyes turned cold when I look at them.
There's a storm coming.
Never have I ever heard such curses, striking like thunder.
The way that those hands that I once held curled into to fists, like burning ash.
There's a storm coming.
Wanting shhh...
Silence....
Just be...
Quiet
Shhhh....
Silence

I got issues
More than you think I do
More than 2+2
More than my love for you
I got issues
Both mentally and emotionally
Both in my brainless ocean and my heartless portrait
I got issues
Forever tatted on my heart, on my skin, in my brain
I got issues
The ones you cannot solve
I got issues
That will never go away
I got issues
The ones that makes life hard
I got issues
That will never make me stay
I got issues
The ones that always evolve
I got issues
That will never go astray
I got issuses

No more tears
Because your so selfish.
It hurts me to look at you.
No more self doubt
No matter how much you hurt me
No more... Lies
Pain...Tears...FEAR
No More...

Today was our anniversary
It took me 3 and a half hours to come up with the best outfit
My hair and nails was looking its best
He took me out to dinner
5-star restaurant
A table already reserved
Glass cups, wine
Classic time
Then we went to the club
He bought me a couple of drinks
A bit too many
But I didn't drink them all
He got wasted
We went to his house
He once told me that he would stay loyal to me
But as soon as we walked in
He broke his promise
In the end, i walked out of his house with blood and a broken bottle in my hands
My last words to him were
I told you not to touch

Insanity is not being mentally ill
It's being mentally twisted
It's when you've been dragged in so much hate
Drowned in anger
Beaten with pain
      Until.
                .
                  .
         ­           .
You finally break
And you can't take it anymore
So you stop reaching for the sanity found in society
And reach for the darkness found in the back of your brain
Always waiting for you...
What was once a flame
Was doused into a wisp of smoke...
What was once a roaring wave
Has settled into a silent river
What what was sanity
Has mutated into insanity...

Don't think I'm being mean to you
Because I don't like you
Don't think I hate you
Because I give you the cold shoulder
Don't think I can't stand you
Because you're wrong
I actually like you, i like being around you
I don't hate you
I'm just in the middle of playing pretend
I'm pretending that I don't have a heart
Because the best way to not get you're heart broken
Is to pretend you don't have one...

I sit alone at night
Under the whispering rays of moonlight
A bottle in one and in the other, a picture of you
It took you 3 years to notice
That my mask was fading, and my tears were growing
You asked "Are you okay?"
But there is no emotion in the words you said
I am fine
"but you were crying"
Crying?
No, I cannot cry
They are not tears
They are just my emotions
The ones that have been falling for years

No one has ever asked
So no one ever knows
How do I feel
It's like I speak in codes
For one I am tired
Of crying and yelling
Of being sad and pretending
Of being alone and angry
Of feeling stuck and angry
Of needing help and remembering
Of being different and missing thing
                                  
                                                                ­  I AM TIRED...
                                                        ­                                                    I am tired of being stepping stones
                                                          ­                                                           Of being forgotten and alone
                                                           ­                                                         I tired of all the pain and hurt
                                                            ­                                                         Of being treated just like dirt
                                                            ­                                         I am tired of wanting the easy way out
                                                             ­                                                                Of being pushed around
                                                          ­           TIRED
                        T-
                        I-
     ­                   R-
                        E-
                ­        D-
T - tired of being tormented
I- tired of trying to impress
R- tired of my rage
E- tired of my emotions
D- tired of death

                                                          ­       I AM TIRED
                                                           ­                                             I am tired of sickness that haunts me
                                                              ­                                       I am tired of my own brain that taunts
                                                          ­                                                                 ­ Of being called a coward
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    Of feeling overpowered
                                                     ­                                                           I'm tired of look beyond the bad
                                                             ­                                                                 ­    I'm tired of being sad
                                                             ­                                       I am tired of all the burden to my stress
                                                          ­                                                                 ­   I'm tired of all this mess
                                                            ­                                                           I'm tired of feeling worthless
                                                       ­                                                            I'm tired of having no purpose
                                                         ­ I AM TIRED
I am tired of setting my goals aside
I am tired of the saying "I tried"
I am tired of ending up as a last choice
I am tired of feeling remorse
I am sick and ******* tired of life........
                        always getting the best of me....
                                                          ­                                        I am tired of wondering "what could be"
                                                          I AM TIRED
I am tired of endless hope
I am tired of being the world's biggest joke
                                                          I AM TIRED
                                                           ­                                       I am tired of being tired because you see
Being tired caused these endless emotions...
                                                     ­                                                                 ­                            Out of me...
                                             I AM TIRED OF BEING ME
                                CAN YOU HEAR MY EMOTIONS NOW?
                                        DO YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL?
                              OR DO YOU CHOOSE NOT TO NOTICE
                                                          ­    I AM ...
                                                             ...TIRED

I can act strong
I can act like  I can face the world alone
BY myself...
But to be honest....
Sometimes, i like being held close
I like to cry sometimes...
I like to let out my pain....
I'm sometimes fragile
i'm sometimes easy to break...
I just don't show it...
             until....



I'm alone at the end of the day...

To all the strictly classic mothers and fathers out there
Who hold a glass in hand
And gets everything their child wants handed to them on a silver platter
.
.
.
.
*******
Please don't expect me to say s-o-r-r-y
Because that word doesn't exist in my vocabulary
I don't care that I don't act like your ****** children
I don't care that my parents don't own successful companies like you do
I don't care that I have the newest clothes, or the newest bags, or shoes
I'm just fine with the worn down sneakers I wear
I'm fine with my personality
I'm fine with my life
So could you kindly please do me a favor, and shove you high class manners up your ***...





                                                     ­       Thank you.

I laid my heart out bare
I put my soul out for you
But when you didn't notice
I said I was fine
But I'm not ******* OK
That would be a joke if you think I was
I put my soul on the line for you
And you didn't give a ****
You sit there thinking everything is OK
But it's not and you know it
But things will never go my way
So you sit there smiling, without a clue
You're at the top of the cliff
And I'm falling for you
But you don't care
I'm just a stupid girl
Someone that goes unnoticed
But you don't have to care or listen right?
You don't have to give a ****
........right?
.....well maybe you should
I think you should open your eyes sometime.....
And give a ****...

'Why do you write poems?'
That is the worst question you can ask me
Because there is no true answer to that question
To describe my feelings
My anger
My pain
My sorrow
My guilt
My happiness
My confusion
To paint images, in my own point of veiw
The softness  and innocence of a single rose
The jeweled coolness found in a dew hanging, off a single blade of grass
The rough edges on of single page in a book, only too be softened with the words written on it.
To create
A story
A lullaby
A memory
A moment
I write because it makes life better in so many different ways
I write to create new stories
I write to remember old ones
I write to paint, new images
I write because it helps take away my pains
I write because, I can




                                       Why do you write poems?

She is just a girl

Who's  always in her own little world

thinks and cares so much for people

Who doesn't even are for her

And because of these people

It caused her to change

And now she'll never be the same person

She'll never live the same way...

I sit here crying tears for hours, tears no one ever sees
I scream words no one ever hears
I sing my sorrows no one ever seems to comprehend
I shout my anger but no one ever cares
It's almost as if I'm invisible
Here in this dark abyss
With no one to protect me
I'm bare...
cold...
and alone...

Invisible