You can't have two best friends.
You can't have two best friends.
I don't know how else to say it.
It's basic physics, the law of the land.
Einstein would agree.
You can't have two best friends.
Which means, I've been fired.
Demoted, fired, busted down, left for dead.
Remember when we use to play Left For Dead?
You better not ******* play it with him.
You better play a new game, you traitor.
Brutus, Judas, Benedict Arnold.
You pancake, flip flopping *******.
You front and back stabber.
Do you tell everyone you met him on the first day of Kindergarten?
Bet he's the one you went to summer camp with.
Or jumped the fences at Blink 182 concerts.
You can't have two best friends.
Remember when you asked me to be the godfather?
Remember when you asked me to be the Best Man?
I do.
If our brotherhood wasn't dead already, it sure is now.
You Not-My-Brother-From-Another-Mother-Mother-******.
You buried it, not me, but really I don't blame you.
God knows what a burden I've been, always was.
Be nice to have a best friend right now, more than ever.
Must be nice to have a best friend.
Mine went with the more expensive brand.
Do me the courtesy of admitting you got bought out.
At least then I'd forgive some of it.
Tell me he's a better friend, I won't believe it.
You. Can't. Have. Two. Best. Friends. *******.
That ****'s in the bible, remember?
When we were in Catholic school from Kindergarten to High School together?
I guess not.
Jesus would not be happy with you.
You can blame me all you want.
I know you do, because I know you better than your real brothers.
Don't believe it? Challenge me, I dare you.
And if I ever get married?
You'd still be my Best Man.
There's no one else. You're still my best friend.
Even if I don't want you to be.
Even if I'm not yours anymore.