how many times did i tell you it'd be okay?
more than i wanted

how many times did you wonder if i was not enough for you?
more than i wanted

how many times did i think you'd leave?
more than i wanted

i was more than you wanted

Lately,
I have been smoking a lot.
Drinking more.
Thinking about suicide higher than before.

Sadness.
Sweet sadness..
I have missed you.

Do you know how it feels
To get dressed up only to be ignored when you arrive
Do you know what it's like
To have eyes rolled at you,
and ***** whispers overheard
Do you know how it feels
To walk faster down the street
To escape the filthy names and laughs
Can you imagine the way that ruins your day
Breaks your spirit, robs you of your joy
I know how that feels
Like a pain that won't go away
Numbing, overwhelming, a pain that makes you cry
You reach out to anyone, anyone who will listen
And pour out your heart, as if that will make it better
And you go to sleep, cover your head, cover your eyes
And sometimes the pain makes you give in and die
How much can we each take
Each of us has a limit
Of the pain others cause us
Just because we're living

©Lj Mark 2015

I can not communicate the feelings I have- often I find myself screaming in my mind to just say it, tell them "I'm numb to everything and I am sad" but I refuse myself but then in turn hurt those who try to love me and come close to me.

It is not advised that you come near me, be my friend nor even acquaintance for I will pull every ounce of  life out of you. I will draw you in with my smile make you laugh with my quick wit, you will love me and I know it, for I have watched people fall in love with me far too many times.

But once you watch me fall into the home of my demons you think you can be my ultimate cure.

You will try and seek an answer and perhaps put my pieces back together once more- the last whom has tried gave up, as will you.

What is broken can not be fixed not even with the greatest amount of love, care and patience. You will leave feeling weak and angry- everyone always does but do not fret, for you will soon forget me as I am still trapped in the deep corners of my mind- trying to find a way to escape.

Years after you have forgotten me and all our pleasant memories fade- we will reunite once again when you stand above my grave. My demons devoured me- took me away and you will remember the day you took my hand and said " I will not go away"

But where were you

Where did you go

I'm sorry for the blood I left in the sink