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LjMark Dec 2015
This struggle inside me
How it tears at my soul
Pulling me towards her
Like screams from a sword

While he stubbornly digs in
Always ready for a fight
Showing off her insecurities
With a masculine delight

But when they both collapse
Exhausted from the fight
A magical moment happens
And harmony resides

Her essence feels so strong
And it quickly flows within
But soon he will be back again
And another struggle will begin

by Lj Mark 2015
LjMark Dec 2015
I'm so self aware now.
No hiding anymore.
No more pretending to be someone I'm not.
I'm free.
Floating through racks of once forbidden clothes in every color of the rainbow.
Touching lace and chiffons with tears from years of it being taboo to even look.
I used to want to so bad.
Browsing women's shoes with sparkles in my eyes.
I know my size now.
Just knowing makes me giddy.
No more looking over my shoulder in case someone sees me.
Look at me now.
I'm completely self aware.
I'm free.
I'm me.
I'm who I'm supposed to be.

by Lj Mark 2015
LjMark Dec 2015
Isn't it funny the times that we share
Whether out in the world or from a favorite chair
No matter if we're talking face to face
Or with computer in lap chatting in cyberspace

Friendships become families that we choose ourselves
Often better and deeper than those in our house
They love and console our every pain
Accept us regardless of age, gender or name

Don't let a day pass
you don't tell them it's true
That they make your life special
And that I love you

by Lj Mark
LjMark Dec 2015
Someone asked me the other day
Could I ever date a Transgender girl
I think they expected a No, or Maybe
But a different answer popped out of my mouth
A special friend came to mind
A secret love I have
but mine alone, as she speaks only French
She is transgender, and date her I would
I dream of her nightly
dreams I can't put into words
We trans people speak of masks
Of who we tried to be before
Lying, acting, pretending to be male
With the woman we have always been
Hidden behind masks, confined to a closet

But I know for some it is also a mask
The attempts to look female and pass
To hide the body we hate
To be more the woman that we imagine us to be
But isn't that also a mask
The clothes and makeup, lipstick and wigs
Trying to make our bodies
Match who we are in our minds

This secret love I have, the intimate dreams
I want to take off all the masks
The wigs the makeup the clothes and shoes
I want to be with the person beneath all of the masks
That's who I dream of holding, that's who I long to love

by Lj Mark
These thoughts and feelings were inspired by a friends photo I saw this morning. It is part fiction, part truth, but is all from my feelings.
LjMark Dec 2015
I thought I was male
But wearing that mask
took all my strength
And the knots in my chest got too tight

Dysphoria was literally killing me
Not relating to men got too much
Relating with women got too attractive
And impossible to keep passing up

There could really be only one answer
It shouldn't have been hard to see
I had to break free from my prison cell
I had to reveal the true me

And in these two years of growing
Becoming who I've always been
I've experienced so many wondrous things
And delight in them again and again

From makeup to jewelry
To perfumes and shoes
A thousand shades of polish
And clothes from pink to blue

I now sleep like a baby
Happily innocent and free
There's no more stress or pressure inside
Just a beautiful woman that's me

Lj Mark 2015
  Dec 2015 LjMark
I am Christian. I believe in the
Trinity of the Holy God, The Son, and The Spirit,
I believe that Jesus is the Son of God and the savior of mankind
I own more than three Bibles
I teach Sunday School every week and
I pray every night.
I am Christian,
And as such I
Hate queer....

Phobia. I can not stand intolerance
And I cry at hatred,
Blood running in the streets,
Fear running in veins,
Running away from the truth.
I am Christian, yet
There are bloodstains in my Bible
And the prayers on my lips
Are for forgiveness for who I am.
The entire story of ***** is
Crossed out, blacked out angrily
In the dead of night
In all 4 versions,
Leviticus is blurred,
Wrinkled with my tears,
Soaked with my pain.
I am Christian
And I am not homophobic.
I know my church won't recognize
Non cis-het marriages,
Leaving entire worlds of rainbows in the dark
The higher-ups insist
Weddings are white, shiny, husband-and-wife, happily-ever-after affairs
That shove me and my friends, my  family, my lovers,
Into closets of heavenly wrath and
Fire and brimstone sermons,
Locked into personal hells of shame
And confusion.
I am Christian
And I am not straight.
My God doesn't hate me for who I love,
He loves me because I try not to hate.
So to the homophobic Christians, I ask:
Who is your God?
Who is your God that supposedly condemns people He has created in his own image?
Your rainbow picket signs are nothing but a cruel mockery of a covenant
Not truly shared by you.
Your tongues are no better than the viper's who called Adam and Eve to sin,
You are the vipers of my world.
Do you think you avoid judgement
When trans teens are killed
By the bullets you spit with your words?
Who is your God,
That tells you to picket the funerals
Of those you hate?
Who is your God,
That refuses to let you open your heart to differentness?
I am Christian,
And I don't need your permission to
Love my God.
Take my scars and tear-stained Bibles,
Listen to my fervent prayers,
Watch my lips tremble when
I listen to my pastor.
I don't need your permission
To love who I want,
In fact I don't want it.
Take my midnight screaming and fear of coming out,
Listen to my frantic pleading for a hand to hold,
Watch my eyes linger on her chest.
I am Christian.
My God doesn't hate me for who I love,
He hates you who refuse to love
While you carry His name, if
Not his blessing.
So I ask again
Who is your God?
Because mine loves all of me,
All 5'6" of queer pride.
Who is your God?
LjMark Dec 2015
The girl I wish I was
Is fighting to escape
This body slowly wilts
It's masculinity fades

My female mind is strong
It's intuition seldom wrong
But it's fighting what's below
My male body won't let go

Each day brings me closer
To the person I know I am
One day soon you'll see
The woman I was made to be

by Lj Mark
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