Today I don't feel like me
I'm not my usual happy self
I'm what I used to be
A sad soul hiding behind a happy smile
And I don't really know why
Nothing has really happened
To cause this
I mean I guess things are changing though
My friends are going away to college
I've graduated from high school
I guess maybe the real reason I feel this way
Is that I've been alone for far too long
I haven't seen my friends in months
I rarely see my boyfriend
But it's not like I wanted it to be this way
I just don't know when they are busy
And I don't want to bother them or get them in trouble at work
So I don't message them hoping that
When they weren't busy they'd message me
But they never do
So I sit here alone
Waiting on them
And I guess I've been waiting for so long
That I no longer feel happy
Being alone

I am trying to calm a storm
In my soul
One that's has made
Me so tired
One that has caused
So much pain
It has caused
Me to lose friends
It had at one point
Caused me to feel nothing
There was no emotion
Left in me
I have calmed it a bit
But I don't think I'll ever
Be able to get rid of it

I was drowning
In the deep blue
Pushed down by emotions
I had never felt before
Not knowing how to deal
With all this stress
I fell
Landing on the bottom
The ocean floor

Till one day
I saw a speck of light
So far away
All I wanted to do was go to it
Make it mine

So slowly
I learned to deal with it
I learned to swim
And I swam
To the light
At the surface of the ocean
And now I can say
I've felt worse

Sometimes I just feel stuck
Like no matter what I do
I can't move forward
Like everything in the world is pushing me back
All I can do is keep trying
Keep pushing my way forward
And little by little I do move forward
But it takes months, even years to move just a little
And I can't help but wonder
How much longer will everything be against me
How much longer will it take to get past the weight of the world
But the answer is always the same
Forever...

I've been lost
I've been broken
But I haven't given up
And I won't give up now
Because I know how to fight
All my demons within
And how to aid the
Angels struggling
To set me free
So once I'm free
I hope you'll still be
Around, so I can help
You to get free as well
So that maybe we can both
Be free, able to live the way we
Want to be, do you want to be
Free with me or do you like
The darkness & demons
That prey on you
Every night
Won't you be free?

POKEMON

My favorite pokemon is absol
why you may ask
dosen't it cause destruction others may say
i say no
all it ever wanted was to warn you of a coming disaster
but you caused it to hide up in the mountains
so now it can't help you...
no it's not that it can't, it's that it won't
all because you drove it away

Why do I even go to school anymore
I don't learn anything new or at least anything I'll need after school
In history I've learned about the american revolution every year since 4th grade
In English we've covered smilies and metaphors every year since 5th grade
In math I know I won't need to know how to solve x=15y+11 after school
In science when am I going to need to know how to dissect a frog
So why do I even go to school anymore

A show I once thought would be just another feel good show...
I was wrong, so wrong
It has so many songs & feels
It's made me feel emotions I never knew existed
It's made me laugh & cry & sing & dance all at once
It has inspired, some times even driven me
It has become one of my favorites

I sit on the bathroom floor
Though there's not much room in here
It's the only place I can truly be alone
I'm crying
But not tears of sadness or joy
Not pain or anger either
The tears are of nothingness
They form for no reason
They fall for no reason
At times when they fall
I may be reading a text from my bf
Or a book I've read a thousand times
I do not know why the tears come
They just do
My eyes don't get puffy when they come either
No one can even tell I've been crying
For no reason
I welcome the tears though
Cause I know they may have just been Tears I was meant to cry before
When something bad happened
But I had to stay strong for
My youngest sister
I had to comfort her
No one else could
They were too busy crying themselves
So that's why I didn't
So that's why I let the tears fall
I know one day they won't fall again
But I dread that day
Cause that would mean
Something bad has happened
And I'll be back to square one

I sit on the bathroom floor
Though there's not much room in here
It's the only place I can truly be alone
I'm crying
But not tears of sadness or joy
Not pain or anger either
The tears are of nothingness
They form for no reason
They fall for no reason
At times when they fall
I may be reading a text from my bf
Or a book I've read a thousand times
I do not know why the tears come
They just do
My eyes don't get puffy when they come either
No one can even tell I've been crying
For no reason
I welcome the tears though
Cause I know they may have just been Tears I was meant to cry before
When something bad happened
But I had to stay strong for
My youngest sister
I had to comfort her
No one else could
They were too busy crying themselves
So that's why I didn't
So that's why I let the tears fall
I know one day they won't fall again
But I dread that day
Cause that would mean
Something bad has happened
And I'll be back to square one

Tired eyes
Are you okay
Forced smile
I'm fine
Are you sure
Fake laugh
Yeah
No you're not
Fading facade
How do you know
I've been there
That same look
The tired eyes
Forced smile
Fake laugh
I wore it so well
For so long
I can recognize it
In an instant
So tell me what's wrong
Perhaps I can help
Or if you don't want to tell me
I'll just stay by your side
Till your eyes are energized
Your smile, no longer forced
And your laugh is real
Then and only then
Must I leave
To find another who needs me
Though I won't truly be gone
As you can always call
On me when you need
A shoulder to cry on
Or a friend to talk to
Just know I'll always
Be there for you
Because I don't want
You to drown
I don't want you to become
What they let me become