I’ve heard the muezzin’s call at dawn,
Church bells at noon, the gentle twang
Of singing bowls in temples,
The hushed chanting of mantras,
Meditation’s heavy silence.
I’ve heard the waves slapping the beach
Again and again, gull’s protesting.
I’ve heard the earth’s tectonic rumble,
Thunder’s base grumble, thick rain
Falling like window blinds, the wind’s
Subtle ghost whipping through helpless leaves.
I’ve heard magpie’s jabber and crows’ ***** discourse,
The dove’s soft evening prayer.  I’ve heard locusts’
Rhythmic rubbing of skinny stick legs, lizards
Scuttle in dusky corners, unseen things flap
Their wings in the dark. Even the soundless wings
Of butterflies, they say, can change the world.
I’ve heard mountain streams giggling, lazy rivers
Yawning, bubbles of love floating on wet kisses.
There’s no rivalry, no conflict, no violence here
Because all sounds have harmony in common.

i tell you i’ve had a bad day
my depression whacked me
upside the head
and i cried on the bathroom floor

and you share photos
of a quaint forest path
saying that is the real cure for depression
and the pills i take
are a lifelong addiction because
if the pills really did work
then i wouldn’t still be on them
until your fingers ****** bleed

as if my mental illness
is a nasty cold
that requires antibiotics
for about a month
and once i am “better”
i’ll be okay on my own

you treat my pills bottles
like a crutch that makes me weak
like i am a bad person for trying
to live my life worth living
a life which just so happens
to be medicated

and that comes from such
a place of privilege
you and your stupid pictures
of forest paths that have nothing
to do with depression
and anxiety
and screaming hallucinations
that have left me
sobbing on the floor
making myself bleed until
i can tell what’s real again

my mental illness is a chronic thing
even when i am stable
i will never stop being mentally ill
just because i have more good days
than bad doesn’t mean i can cold-turkey
the very things that
keep me functioning
without losing my mind

and when i did try
to go off the meds in high school
you smiled and told me how
brave i was
how strong
how i didn’t need the medication

and days later when i
spent two hours sobbing
until i almost puked
because of the lasagna i had
accidentally burnt to a crisp
you laughed at me
and my tears
and told me to **** it up
to man up
to just be happy

like you telling me to
just be happy
will replace the serotonin my
brain can’t produce enough
of on its own

like you calling me weak
for being on medication
will take away the very real
truth that without
taking those pills every morning
i would have tried to ****
myself again and would
have probably succeeded that time

like you sharing your
pictures of forest paths
and demonstrating your complete
and utter lack of knowledge as to
how medication that isn’t antibiotics works
will suddenly fix
what is broken in my brain

but you take medication
that a doctor prescribes when you
are sick enough for that
to be needed
and nobody calls you weak

and when you break a bone
you get it set in plaster
well i can’t put a cast on
the cracks in my psyche

so i do the next best thing
because if your brain can’t
produce enough serotonin
to keep you wanting to live
all on its own
then store-bought is fine

(and you turning on me
when my mental illness stops
being something i can manage
on my own
says more about you
than it ever will about me)

Are we in_
((Hell))
This is no
((Liberty Bell))

We are the high water
War below and what's up
Will you never know?

Green mudfish
alligators
Decomposed
no growth

Never Oh!
My sweet Lord

Never produce
a broken
family cord_
Electricity

The procreation
Oh! God
To raise the
waterbed
floating

Producing_ babies
crying
detention
Troubled
abortion_ tears fears
Beer pockets
Most valuable
Moms locket
Let's never forget
Eternity of lifetimes
I am frightened
Be ready set
The bad
impressions

Never to be belittled
infractions
Presidential
Re-produced
Its all in our genes
a bad temper
fuse
((Rose))
I suppose
I am smellingGucky
******, Icky, Too picky
Up to my neck long
hickey play Stuckey
Never dull moment
The player of hockey

The streets foul
smell putrid

Ever or never
Can we all do better
It darkens's our spirit
Bitter smile Egyptian

The Nile or God sake
The Northern star
All greased Southerner
Fried Chicken
There's never
A smile day his
Mom deceased

Her bad haircut
Rotted beams
Red devil NJ
dreams
Never be
miserable or?
What! The weaker
The prey of all weeks

They go in three's
Turned into rotten
One Apple
computer

Unsatisfactory
No sweat of
the factory
The composer

Squirrels and
Comedy Will Ferrell

Will Smith
got locked
Bad report
Movie card
Geologically
Rotten
The poem
almost got
hidden
Robin wanted
everyone
To be happy
in this
rotten
unforgiving
world

To Produce
Spiritual blessing
He smiles with
that Kraft
: Rotten Greens:
His Witch
dressing_
Never
produce
Dead boring-set
producer
Under-cut  
pay riot
Never act
like
idiots
thrown
inside
a fruit bin

Never
Fruit loops
to be priced
I got stuck
by ((Cactus))
pin
Take it from me
Brooklyn girl
((Canarsie))
Never the
Tootsie
roll
Taking a ride
inside
my soul
Hello to all
my family
So forever loyal*

But the Disloyal
Dangerous
earth
Morally corrupt
everyone
feels so rotten
Someone got to you
what nerves
to interrupt

What we interpret
on the internet
Mr. Mcintosh
Overly friendly Josh
The pink lady
Let's never
produce
anything shady